Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

It's pretty relevant, though. He'll never know the logistics this kind of thing takes. Not that she should have told him.

Gay people can and do have kids. His childlessness is relevant. Not his sexual orientation.

Only 5-10% of gay men have a child in their lifetimes.

Frankly, I have multiple gay male acquaintances who are vocally anti-child - “Eww gross” - and who don’t appreciate the constraints children place on your availability. Life as a gay man in a management position in a company is basically the 180 opposite of being a harried working parent. The guy was a complete dick for grilling OP about a morning medical appt.

Once again, the issue is childlessness, not that he's gay. Gay and straight people do and don't have children. Gay and straight people are anti child. Gay and straight people love children. What you're doing is stereotyping.

The issue isn’t childlessness. I don’t have kids but I don’t give a shit if my reports come in a bit late due to childcare duties. As long as you get your work done, we’re good. OP’s manager is just a jerk.

I agree. I don't have kids but would do anything to help my colleagues when they have emergencies. Their is something seriously wrong with a manager who does not understand a parent prioritizing healthcare.

Anonymous wrote:I work for a guy with no kids. He's gay, not that that precludes parenthood, but it is a different lifestyle which I think creates a lack of empathy for those of us that are dealing with chidren and health issues.

My son was born with hypotonia and requires intense weekly rehab as well as frequent check ups. My spouse's work has them traveling every other week. We have two other kids under 8. We are busy to be blunt. So, I am the parent that deals with the weekly rehab. I have scheduled it as best I can to interfere as little as possible (Tues, 7am-830am) but ths week when I sent the reminder my employer responded with :

"Can't your spouse ever do these 'things'?"

I didn't know what to say in the moment and now it is really under my skin. Doesnt't FMLA cover scenarios exactly like this? I know basic decency does.

I'm not ready to talk with an attorney yet but I'd like some feedback.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

All of this.

And FWIW, my personal experience has been bosses who were dads with wives taking care of most of the kid stuff or moms with nannies have been the least flexible and understanding. My bosses without kids (married and not) have been the most understanding and flexible and also took time off themselves to care for partners and elderly parents at various times.

There is a reason for that. For instance i worked at a company that had really good flex for Moms I as a man started working late, skipping lunch, going in early to cover for them. That is fine. But then that same staff would be talking about fab vacations, new SUVS, big trade up houses, how they can do double 401ks as they have double income. Meanwhile the SAHM is geting kid on bus by herself, going to school events by herself, getting dinner ready and kids to bed by herself as her husband is covering for the working moms iiving in mansions

This is one of the more humorous and pathetic posts I’ve read on here in a while.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have FMLA, then you are fine. If you are flexing your schedule and working an hour later that day and you have that agreement with him, then you're fine.

I will say as someone who does not have children- it gets frustrating when people leave early or arrive late and blame their kids. Make sure you have some sort of agreement in place where you're still dealing with what you need to do.

Why is it frustrating?

DP. I am not paying you to deal with your kids. Do that on your own time, not mine.

The perspective was from a colleague, not from the employer. Try and keep up.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I definitely understand your point but you have to also look at the situation from your supervisor’s perspective. Like all supervisors, your supervisor has standards that he has to meet. He can’t meet these standards if you’re out of the office when he needs you. I understand that you need flexibility. However, your supervisor needs predictability. It’s not a gay or straight thing.