Anonymous wrote:3.5 years is plenty of time to decide you want to propose (or accept a proposal.) When I heard you live together, I felt a bit sad. What incentive does he have? He likes things how they are. I don't really believe in ultimatums but I'd consider a little moving out if he doesn't do anything by a time you decide (and you don't need to tell him that time.)

PS Rent "He's just not that into you" soon - great movie with a good heart and message.
PPS You're fabulous no matter what happens.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's lots of bad advice in this thread, probably from old, divorced women who got married too young.

At 26, you're too young. And 3 years is just started to get close to the length of time past the honeymoon period of the relationship to even begin to see if you're compatible long-term.

Are there guys out there willing to get married sooner? Yes, they're called future ex-husbands. Or Mormons.

I'm happily married and now 40. Got married at 27. Not Mormon, or Evangelical, or Muslim, or any other religion that pushes teen marriage.

I think if your mid-30s boyfriend of 3.5 years is telling you he wants to wait more YEARS to get engaged, he doesn't think you're his future wife. He doesn't feel lucky to have you, he's not worried about losing you. Time to move on.

Anonymous wrote:I’m new here so please be kind.
I’m 26, and all my friends from high school and college are getting engaged and married. I’m currently overseas for a wedding of a close friend.

I can’t help but feel some jealousy, not maliciously, as my boyfriend of 3.5 years, who is 34, claims it's too early in our relationship and we should wait a few more years. However, I feel that 3.5 years is plenty of time, and I think he's avoiding any commitment despite saying that he does, leaving me worried about when he’ll want to get engaged.

My boyfriend earns a great salary, and we live together. He is genuinely the best partner I've ever had, and I believe he would be an excellent husband and father, and I thought I’d be married by now because I want at least 5 or 6 babies so I can’t wait much longer and am unsure what’s taking his so long.

I don’t want to leave and restart.
How much longer should I wait?

What should I do?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

To answer a few questions:

- We’ve discussed children, and he has stated that he wants three children from the start, so we could definitely work on a compromise.

- Regarding his dating history, his last relationship lasted for five years (ages 23-28), until he broke with her, because she cheated and was being unfaithful. He took a break for a couple years, until we met and started dating. He convinced me to move in with him. I didn’t really want too since we were dating and my parents didn’t want me to either yet, even though they like him and think I should stay, but I chose to.

- I work and have additional financial support from my parents, who also assist my siblings that have their own families and careers, so no I’m not financially dependent on him.

I’m planning on having a conservation and talking to him about this, because I want confirmation of his true feelings about marriage, without signaling that I’m thinking of leaving if he isn’t ready soon.

I’ll update on how it goes.

Should have listened to mom & dad kiddo.

This.

What you have is a time-waster. He’s doing a great job…wasting your time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

To answer a few questions:

- We’ve discussed children, and he has stated that he wants three children from the start, so we could definitely work on a compromise.

- Regarding his dating history, his last relationship lasted for five years (ages 23-28), until he broke with her, because she cheated and was being unfaithful. He took a break for a couple years, until we met and started dating. He convinced me to move in with him. I didn’t really want too since we were dating and my parents didn’t want me to either yet, even though they like him and think I should stay, but I chose to.

- I work and have additional financial support from my parents, who also assist my siblings that have their own families and careers, so no I’m not financially dependent on him.

I’m planning on having a conservation and talking to him about this, because I want confirmation of his true feelings about marriage, without signaling that I’m thinking of leaving if he isn’t ready soon.

I’ll update on how it goes.

Should have listened to mom & dad kiddo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

To answer a few questions:

- We’ve discussed children, and he has stated that he wants three children from the start, so we could definitely work on a compromise.

- Regarding his dating history, his last relationship lasted for five years (ages 23-28), until he broke with her, because she cheated and was being unfaithful. He took a break for a couple years, until we met and started dating. He convinced me to move in with him. I didn’t really want too since we were dating and my parents didn’t want me to either yet, even though they like him and think I should stay, but I chose to.

- I work and have additional financial support from my parents, who also assist my siblings that have their own families and careers, so no I’m not financially dependent on him.

I’m planning on having a conservation and talking to him about this, because I want confirmation of his true feelings about marriage, without signaling that I’m thinking of leaving if he isn’t ready soon.

I’ll update on how it goes.

Should have listened to mom & dad kiddo.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

To answer a few questions:

- We’ve discussed children, and he has stated that he wants three children from the start, so we could definitely work on a compromise.

- Regarding his dating history, his last relationship lasted for five years (ages 23-28), until he broke with her, because she cheated and was being unfaithful. He took a break for a couple years, until we met and started dating. He convinced me to move in with him. I didn’t really want too since we were dating and my parents didn’t want me to either yet, even though they like him and think I should stay, but I chose to.

- I work and have additional financial support from my parents, who also assist my siblings that have their own families and careers, so no I’m not financially dependent on him.

I’m planning on having a conservation and talking to him about this, because I want confirmation of his true feelings about marriage, without signaling that I’m thinking of leaving if he isn’t ready soon.

I’ll update on how it goes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many husbands do you know who are fully competent fathers of 2+ children? Or any children for that matter?

guy here- answer, every single one of my friends

Haha The real question is would their wives agree with you?

Anonymous wrote:I’m new here so please be kind.
I’m 26, and all my friends from high school and college are getting engaged and married. I’m currently overseas for a wedding of a close friend.

I can’t help but feel some jealousy, not maliciously, as my boyfriend of 3.5 years, who is 34, claims it's too early in our relationship and we should wait a few more years. However, I feel that 3.5 years is plenty of time, and I think he's avoiding any commitment despite saying that he does, leaving me worried about when he’ll want to get engaged.

SO YOU HAVE BEEN WITH HIM SINCE VERY YOUNG, 22 OR SO. I CAN'T IMAGINE YOU REALLY HAVE MUCH IN THE WAY OR SERIOUS OR NEAR SERIOUS PARTNERS TO COMPARE HIM TO.

HIS CLAIM OF TOO SOON MEANS HE DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY. HAS NO PASSION TO MARRY YOU. EVEN IF YOU GOT ENGAGED IT WOULD NOT NECESSARILY LEAD TO A PROMPT MARRIAGE, JUST A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT.

YOUR INSTINCTS ARE RIGHT.

My boyfriend earns a great salary, and we live together. He is genuinely the best partner I've ever had, and I believe he would be an excellent husband and father, and I thought I’d be married by now because I want at least 5 or 6 babies so I can’t wait much longer and am unsure what’s taking his so long.

HE JUST ISN'T THAT IN TO GETTING MARRIED. HE JUST ISN'T THAT IN TO COMMITTING TO MARRIAGE AND MANY CHILDREN WITH YOU. YOU SEE HIM AS A PROVIDER. HE DOESN'T SEE YOU AS A WIFE AND MOTHER OF HIS KIDS.

I don’t want to leave and restart.
YOU MUST LEAVE. BUT DON'T THINK OF IT AS RESTARTING. THINK OF IT AS STARTING BEING YOUR OWN PERSON.

How much longer should I wait?
0

What should I do?

DON'T MOVE IN. SAY YOU AREN'T ON THE SAME PAGE AND WANT TO BE ON YOUR OWN. THIS ASSUMES YOU HAVE A JOB? OR ARE YOU A LIVE IN GF WITH NO JOB OR JOB PROSPECTS?