Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't let some horny college boy screw my daughter under my roof regardless of whether he's getting action from her in other places. Nope.

Separate rooms for sure.

You are fine with that happening in a car, in a dorm, in school bathroom, in his apartment in a cheap motel etc, just not under your roof?

NP and the latter part is accurate. Being “fine” with what she does apart from my home is irrelevant because I have no say in that and she is fully aware of our feelings on the matter. If she makes decisions on her own that demonstrate that she is of a different mindset on this, that’s not my business and I don’t need it to be. But my DD respects me enough to not throw it in my face.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't let some horny college boy screw my daughter under my roof regardless of whether he's getting action from her in other places. Nope.

Separate rooms for sure.

You are fine with that happening in a car, in a dorm, in school bathroom, in his apartment in a cheap motel etc, just not under your roof?

I can't stop it anywhere else. But I can in my house.

+1
It’s not even about “stopping” anything for me. It’s about not bringing me into the private sex life of two uncommitted adults. It’s presumptuous to assume they are having sex (which putting them in the same room definitely makes this assumption whether or not they actually engage in the act in your home) and invasive to ask and put DD on the spot, not to mention the awkwardness this creates for the bf as a guest. And I also consider it respectful to her dad to not put him through the stress of confirmation that DD is sharing a bed with some guy he has to have breakfast with in the morning. It’s okay to have boundaries. And it’s okay to acknowledge that you understand that the couple may be making or not making the choice to be sexually involved, but during the vacation at your home, they will be staying in separate bedrooms

My house. My rules. Respect that.
It's not too hard

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the boomers are on this thread with he has to sleep in a separate room. An adult child sleeping in the same room with her partner would not be an issue with any of the parents we know.

My 20 year old DD and her boyfriend travel together whenever they can save enough for a trip including international trips. MIL is aghast that they travel without a chaperone. DH and I almost spit out our coffee when she said this.

Sounds like MIL raised her son without him being aware of the moral foundation that she has subscribed to, otherwise DH would not have “almost spit out” his coffee. Or maybe it was just you, OP, and your DH has done a good job of hiding that in his household of origin, it was not considered acceptable or appropriate for an unmarried couple to share a bed.

Anonymous wrote:It's about privacy. The best host would provide the guest with a degree of personal space, their own personal space. Some place to retreat to. They haven't committed to your DD. Sharing a bed is a statement. A statement of what's going on in the relationship. Assumptions are made. It's much more polite to offer the couple separate rooms so you don't presume to know the extent of their degree of intimacy.

The best host would COMMUNICATE with her daughter and ask what the couple would prefer.

It's about privacy. The best host would provide the guest with a degree of personal space, their own personal space. Some place to retreat to. They haven't committed to your DD. Sharing a bed is a statement. A statement of what's going on in the relationship. Assumptions are made. It's much more polite to offer the couple separate rooms so you don't presume to know the extent of their degree of intimacy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't let some horny college boy screw my daughter under my roof regardless of whether he's getting action from her in other places. Nope.

Separate rooms for sure.

You are fine with that happening in a car, in a dorm, in school bathroom, in his apartment in a cheap motel etc, just not under your roof?

It's not rooted in reality, it's a power trip. My parents always let DH and I stay in the same room/bed when dating and we never had sex. His parents put us in separate rooms and we took the challenge to make that house our personal porn set. So make of that what you will.

Gross.

So OP, how did it go?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't discourage it. Be welcoming and kind.

+1
Totally normal. I went to a bf house for Christmas my sophomore year. If my parents hadn’t been so weird about all this they may have met more of my serious boyfriends. Instead I led them to believe I was gay and never brought anyone home until grad school; then I married him.

Same! My parents were so off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't let some horny college boy screw my daughter under my roof regardless of whether he's getting action from her in other places. Nope.

Separate rooms for sure.

You are fine with that happening in a car, in a dorm, in school bathroom, in his apartment in a cheap motel etc, just not under your roof?

It's not rooted in reality, it's a power trip. My parents always let DH and I stay in the same room/bed when dating and we never had sex. His parents put us in separate rooms and we took the challenge to make that house our personal porn set. So make of that what you will.

Oh, eat me. It wasn't a power trip for us at all. When you have other kids living in the house you can't let your older ones brings people home to screw. You have to set a better example than that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't let some horny college boy screw my daughter under my roof regardless of whether he's getting action from her in other places. Nope.

Separate rooms for sure.

You are fine with that happening in a car, in a dorm, in school bathroom, in his apartment in a cheap motel etc, just not under your roof?

I can't stop it anywhere else. But I can in my house.

Lots of uptight parents on this thread. I feel badly for your adult kids.

I’d say no, he can visit one or two days but stay in hotel or something. I’d remind her he needs to be with his family at holiday. It’s your house and you get to decide who to invite.

DS brought a girl home after 1-2 months dating. DD flipped out, didn't want stranger in the house. Girl was very nice, but it still was a bit uncomfortable with DD. Relationship only lasted a year, but I think DD learned from it and was much better with the next girl.

Agree with the you never know if they are the one. Always be welcoming.