Anonymous wrote:Why is she going to Dunkin Donuts? Where are you?

- No allowance to spend on junk food.
- More activities supervised by you so she does not have free time to go to eat junk food
- Yoga and swimming. Some cardio and weights.
- A protein (lots of nuts and seeds powder, milk, fruits, cacao, wheat germ, cinnamon, inulin) shake in the morning along with eggs and avocado toast.
- Lots of hydration with warm water and lemon.
- Home made, cold pressed vegetable juice twice a day - celery, carrots, handful of spinach and kale, beets, apple. ginger, mint.
- Good quality organic meats, soups and stews with beans/lentils and veggies, salads, whole plant based cereals.
- No commercial processed foods, no sweets, no carbonated drinks.

I’m a PP with a 13yo. She’d look at me like I was crazy if I suddenly suggested yoga and swimming.
And home made cold pressed juice?
You are nuts.

Anonymous wrote:I would work with her on tiny changes. At each outing that’s in between meals, choose whether you’re going to eat or drink your calories. Get a milkshake, but no food. Or get fries, but drink water.

Go have a treat with your friends at Starbucks, but swap out the whole milk in your drink for fat free milk. If you’re not even that thirsty or hungry, get a tall instead of a grande.

Making lots of modest sacrifices adds up — just like making lots of little splurges does.

Do NOT do this and bring on more issues around food/body image.

All the sugar and fat and salt is just bad for you. No matter if one is overweight or not. It's putting bad fuel into your body, messing with insulin resistance, contributing to blood pressure issues etc etc. I'd tell her to cut out the junk, because it's junk and doesn't belong in our bodies. We generally have a "don't drink your calories" rule in my house. Drink water. Eat something with fiber if you're hungry.

Extracurriculars, family outings with walking or other activity, and making sure she gets lots of fiber and protein are key. Focus on eating whole foods. Some fats to consider incorporating into her eating:https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/10-super-healthy-high-fat-foods#summary

Model as best as you can as well.

Good luck!

You need to be active as a family instead of her hanging with these other kids. Go on a hike and then a healthy meal at home. Family bike ride etc

Anonymous wrote:Why is she going to Dunkin Donuts? Where are you?

- No allowance to spend on junk food.
- More activities supervised by you so she does not have free time to go to eat junk food
- Yoga and swimming. Some cardio and weights.
- A protein (lots of nuts and seeds powder, milk, fruits, cacao, wheat germ, cinnamon, inulin) shake in the morning along with eggs and avocado toast.
- Lots of hydration with warm water and lemon.
- Home made, cold pressed vegetable juice twice a day - celery, carrots, handful of spinach and kale, beets, apple. ginger, mint.
- Good quality organic meats, soups and stews with beans/lentils and veggies, salads, whole plant based cereals.
- No commercial processed foods, no sweets, no carbonated drinks.

So realistic.

Anonymous wrote:My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

This is my teens too. I have 3 of them. Two are completely not food motivated: can't remember to eat, get satiated early and derive little pleasure from food. Treats can sit in the house untouched for weeks on end. In contrast my middle kid loves food. Always has. Comes by it honestly as I love food too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

Agree. I have twin teens. So much of this is outside her control. Just like some people gain a lot in pregnancy and others just don’t. I can’t believe people still think the skinny teens have more willpower. They are eating crap too. Their bodies just process it differently and feel different hunger.

It isn’t that the skinny teen has more willpower. It’s that they don’t have the mechanisms that control cravings, hunger, and satiation are working properly. The skinny teen isn’t prone to overeating- they are able to effortlessly eat what their body needs and stop when they have had enough.

This. It's literally the science behind the success of GLP-1.

I am amazed at the number of people who still don't get this. I do think it's out of people's control but it's not some people can just eat more.

I have a skinny teen boy and he doesn't eat large quantities at the end of the day. He eats junk but his quantity is never out of control. He is the type of person who forgets to eat. He doesn't think about food all that often. My other child is less wired this way and I see the difference.

This is also a huge challenge for us as a family. My two girls, 10 and 13, are so wildly different I can hardly believe they are both mine. The 10 year old was BORN hungry, has always been a higher weight percentile, and is now overweight but also tall, so not as apparent. She is like a bloodhound for sweets and starches. She'll eat a stale plain bagel she found in the back of the freezer or the worst processed cupcake ever served, then go back for more. The 13 year old can forget to eat until noon, can take or leave something she's not crazy about, but then eat thirds of a meal she loves. Like OP, I'm acutely aware to how it could impact younger DD if I address this, but I see with my own eyes how she has zero control over her appetite and I worry for her. I know this is my own internalized fatphobia or whatever, but it's absolutely true (and the comments in this thread support it) that she'll be judged for being overweight, and we'll be judged as her parents for "letting" it happen. Harder still that she sees her older sister "eat whatever she wants" and stay thin, when the reality is her sister's appetite (NOT willpower) is completely different. For now I only model, model, model, never criticize or make direct comments about bodies or what/how much anyone's eating. Only comment about myself, how I ate enough and I feel full, how I enjoyed the good dinner I made. I hope this, coupled with being an active family, will be enough to keep her on track. If not, we'll address it more directly and hopefully not give her an eating disorder or terrible body image. Damned if you do/damned if you don't, you know?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think of it as — obesity takes years and years to make you sick, and it’s now extremely treatable anyway. An eating disorder can kill you in a couple of years and cannot be cured. I would rather have a fat daughter than a daughter with a terrible relationship to food and her own body. And if she decides she wants to lose weight I’ll be here to help.

I agree with all of this except the last sentence. I have spent a lifetime trying without permanent success to loose 10-20 pounds, so I am not sure what help I would be. Its not knowing how to do it that is the problem.

10-20 lbs is a non-issue.

It hasn't felt like it. 15 pounds on a short small frame is chubby. Zero health issues though. Now, had I not had a fast metabolism (binged a lot because of yoyo dieting but never gained much past my set point), had I ever been able to make myself throw up, had something been different and I had been able to starve myself (I tried), then the health consequences would have been horrible and lasting.

And when I think of all the time and energy I wasted losing and regaining (and planning to loose) those 15 pounds 3 times a year for 20 plus years, it makes me so sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13yo DD is overweight (per her pediatrician) and we have been trying delicately to get her to eat healthier and be more active but it’s really difficult.

I can also do nothing but that feels equally crazy since this is impacting her health. What is the middle ground? Has anyone else dealt with this?

How much overweight? That matters a lot.

OP said she is 5’2” 140 lbs. At 13 that puts her BMI at 94th percentile, which is overweight, and very close to obese (>95th percentile) for a teen.

If she ate normal portions and pretty heathy, I think it would be plausible that she will grow several inches and may not gain much since her period hasn’t come yet. But even her junk intake and large portions in general, she is likely to continue gaining weight as a disproportionate rate to her height growth. I do think I would be blunt with her about what moderation means and curbing junk

Why is she going to Dunkin Donuts? Where are you?

- No allowance to spend on junk food.
- More activities supervised by you so she does not have free time to go to eat junk food
- Yoga and swimming. Some cardio and weights.
- A protein (lots of nuts and seeds powder, milk, fruits, cacao, wheat germ, cinnamon, inulin) shake in the morning along with eggs and avocado toast.
- Lots of hydration with warm water and lemon.
- Home made, cold pressed vegetable juice twice a day - celery, carrots, handful of spinach and kale, beets, apple. ginger, mint.
- Good quality organic meats, soups and stews with beans/lentils and veggies, salads, whole plant based cereals.
- No commercial processed foods, no sweets, no carbonated drinks.

Anonymous wrote:Just stop

You did this.
You made her have a bad relationship with food.

She has to fix it now on her own.

Do not take away her allowance really bad parenting.

Stop talking about it. Stop making her crazy. Stop being a judgemental fool.

She is 13 she is not a baby when she looks in the mirror she knows if she is uncomfortable in her skin. When she is ready she will do something.

You failed.

I hate these posts.

Ok, Fatty!!

The fact that she hasn’t had her period yet is really relevant. Some kids crave fat and salt in that high hormonal lead up to menstruation. Lots of girls put on weight in that period too, and then will stretch out immediately after.

I have a 14 year old 9th grader and I’ve found that once they hit HS the girls have a lot less time for these junk food outings plus start to care more about healthy eating so might try fish tacos or salad or sushi instead of burgers and fries. And they all drink tons of water so that cuts down on the snacking.

I think this all might turn a corner within the year so I would keep talking about and feeding her healthy food at home. At some point the junk food will likely seem less appealing. Also maybe next time you could host the girls for a sleepover and do something slightly more healthy for dinner and snacks? It’s a hard balance between not just feeding them junk but also not being “that” house where you don’t have anything fun to eat.

Also if she’s in 8th grade they usually do nutrition in school — my girls came home with a temporary phobia of fats do to that unit.