Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

I don’t understand this. You are jealous of families who make low enough income that they qualify for financial aid, and you are sure you won’t qualify yourself?
If you have so much money that you don’t qualify for aid anywhere, you must have quite a lot of money. In that case, this isn’t about affordability, it’s about your choices.

+1000

And if you want what those lower income kids have, you also could have chosen to be low income for the last 18 years and it would be an option for you as well. But I'm guessing nobody in their right mind would actually want that path for their kids and family

State schools are fine OP, they make actually be better for your dd than Ivy's.

Anonymous wrote:I was a kid whose only involved parent couldn't afford anything at all and whose other parent was alive and wealthy but unwilling to spend a dime, hence no financial aid. I was admitted to a top school, borrowed everything through a combination of government and private loans and some local scholarships and competitions. I paid it all back with minimum difficulty after med school. Debt was gone by age 36.

But you could have attended a school for in state costs or less, and had much less debt.

Right now it's hard to take out $400K+ in loans for undergrad (that is what top schools costs without FA/merit) and add in $400K for med school. No way you are paying that all off from age 26/27 until 36. Simply no way the math will math.

But if you do undergrad with only $25K debt that $425K could be paid off as a doctor in 10 years, sure.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, and I feel sad, too. I'm still going to encourage my son to apply to his top choice schools, because you never know. But most of his list is comprised of state schools or lower-ranked schools that offer merit. I'm starting to make peace with it. He'll be fine. He'll get a good education, and he won't be in debt (and I'll still be able to retire). I'm pretty sure I'll look back in a few years and wonder why I ever worried about it. In the meantime, I understand and share your feelings. Hang in there. (And ignore unkind responses.)

That is the smart path. No school is worth major debt. A smart kid will get into many great choices that give them good merit and make school affordable, or you take the instate and honors program route.

Well where do you live? VA and MD have great state schools.

Go to the state school, or find a private that has generous aid - your kid will be fine!

threads like this are endlessly annoying. be grateful, OP. If it was that important to you that you child go to a so-called "top college", you should have taken a different path in life, I guess? The assumption and knowledge that its not even a question of whether your daughter will go to college should make you proud and happy. Our son is attending a good state flagship and will graduate with $0 in student loans because we scrimped and saved and I feel like that is the best gift I could have given him.

Anonymous wrote:Feel good about what you CAN afford.

Your feelings will spill over and be felt by your daughter. It’s time to reframe your thinking around this. It’s not a tragedy you can’t buy the Louis Vuitton purse…

This. An attitude of gratitude will change your perspective. The DC area and DCUM have a high concentration of wealthy people who are extremely competitive. The vast majority of the rest of the country (much less the world) doesn’t have the privilege of thinking this way. Your child is smart and hardworking. She will be fine.

Don’t feel sad. Your DC will find similar peer group wherever they go. I can afford the $400k price tag, I’m going to try my best not to spend it on undergrad. I would happily pay for my DC’s grad school. Kids don’t act like it, but they are way too immature at this age to understand the value of ROI.
And we have too many stupid parents here who think getting into a top college is the most significant milestone in their DC’s life. Their life is just beginning. Your money would mean more when they need it the most later in life.

Troll

^ yes. But most of us chose to move here for higher salaries and we knew we were going to have to buy expensive houses a the general coa was going to be high. And we all chose to do it. Could’ve stayed in the Midwest suburb making $70k if college need based aid was the goal.

I feel you, OP. I suppose if we wanted to dip into retirement funds we could swing a 90K+ a year price tag but it feels insane to me to do that so we've told DD what we have saved and how much above that we're comfortable going per year.

She fell in love with an uber pricey private school and it just wasn't meant to be. Personally i get SO sick of the people posting back "you don't know, X gives great aid to anyone who needs it!". Yeah, that is wonderful if you are MC or LMC/poor. Many of us in the DC area have higher incomes - above the Ivy cut-offs - but not enough that $400K for college is no sweat.

I don't complain in person about it but this is the perfect spot for griping.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I thought this too. I felt sad that DC had worked so hard, and that even if he got into a great school, that we wouldn’t be able to afford it.
Well guess what, he got into a T20 SLAC and got significant institutional financial aid, enough so it actually costs less than what we would have paid for in-state public.
It’s still a significant cost, but worth the sacrifices.

OP - If Colgate is a good fit for your kid, check this out:

https://www.colgate.edu/news/stories/colgate-announces-major-expansion-popular-financial-aid-program-colgate-commitment

I didn’t read all the previous posts, but I encourage you to take the long view.

I know tons and tons of people who went to their state schools or took merit money to lower-ranked schools than they could have gotten into. To a person, they had great experiences and have done incredibly well in life!!!!

My big-picture perspective: It’s about the kid/person, way more than the school.

Any kid with that level of smarts, drive, and resilience will thrive wherever they go and beyond.

Hugs to you for raising a great kid. Their future is bright - NO GUILT!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

How did you spend your money OP? We didn't go on fancy international vacations. We watched others do this with some envy but guess what, now they can't afford out of state private colleges and we can.

Hey, Smuggie McSmuggikins, a lot of us donut hole families are here not because we didn’t save on our huuuuge salaries, but because those salaries are very recent. If I’ve had anywhere near my current salary for 18 years, it wouldn’t be an issue. But we were a low earners (sub 100k combined) for so many years now our retirement accounts will be strictly cat-food level if we don’t save most of what we’re making now. It is what it is, but I completely understand OP’s sadness and frustration.

She’s not wrong though. We all make decisions. We have a hhi of $350k so we won’t get aid. Kids played travel sports, live less than 30 min from the capitol, and kids went to catholic school. Due to to high school raising tuition every year we cashed in the 529s we had been squirreling away. Have significant 401k and significant home equity. Couldve lived in poolesville and sent our kids to public school as not let them play travel sports. But that wouldn’t have been worth it. If for some bizarre our dems gets into her reach, We’ll take out loans, sell the house and pay them off, and downsize. It’s feels very entitled to complain about Duke not charging you what you want them too. There are crazy amounts of universities and colleges in this country. End rant.