Anonymous
09/29/2025 14:31
Subject: Re:Is it disrespectful to ignore the dress code?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:how old is the guest?
What is the relationship to the host?
And what is the guest's gender/sexual identity?
What is the event? A wedding or Grandma's 80th birthday?
If it's a wedding, is it favorite cousin? Dad's second? mom's best friend's child?
and who are you in this situation?
All of this plays into how I'd handle this.
Sexual identy is irrelevant.
If you think a special pass on manners is allowable for anyone who isn't straight or a gay man, then you are being ridiculous.
No it’s very relevant. I’m a gay woman. I’m fine being a woman with no gender issues. However, I dislike women’s clothing. I don’t like the tighter fit, I don’t wear dresses or skirts ever. It physically makes me uncomfortable and then adds social anxiety as well because it just doesn’t feel right.
So I’d skip the event entirely.
No, sexual identy is not relevant.
Are you seriously saying that lesbian women don't have the ability to dress nicely or appropriately?
Because there are hundreds of thousands of people from that community who would beg to differ.
Anyone can pull our a pair of dark pants and a simple plain shirt out of their closet.
Who you sleep with has zero to do with having good manners.
If you are arguing the opposite, then you are setting back the progress made in that community by decades.
Anonymous
09/29/2025 14:28
Subject: Re:Is it disrespectful to ignore the dress code?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:how old is the guest?
What is the relationship to the host?
And what is the guest's gender/sexual identity?
What is the event? A wedding or Grandma's 80th birthday?
If it's a wedding, is it favorite cousin? Dad's second? mom's best friend's child?
and who are you in this situation?
All of this plays into how I'd handle this.
Sexual identy is irrelevant.
If you think a special pass on manners is allowable for anyone who isn't straight or a gay man, then you are being ridiculous.
Hey Friend, If this were my 12 year old kid who was finding their identity I'd approach it differently than if it were my 40 year old jackass sister.
Yes,, you tell your 12 year old, no matter what she identifies with at any given moment, to suck it up and wear some presentable clothes because dressing appropriately for special events is basic manners. She is too young to be disrespectful to the elderly adult family member being honored or the person taking the time to organize the event.
On something like this, gender identity or being lbgtq does not matter one iota, unless you think that being lbgtq gives teens special permission to be rude and disrepectful.
Anonymous
09/29/2025 13:55
Subject: Re:Is it disrespectful to ignore the dress code?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Adults can have huge birthday blowouts and request formal attire if they want to. That’s not the issue. Yes, it is disrespectful not to at least make an effort of adhering to the dress code. Sounds like the guest is more of a frenemy who wants to stick it to the birthday boy/girl or is a narcissist who wants to make everything about them.
When I married it was in a hotel ballroom in the evening. I didn’t have a dress code, but had relatives show up in jeans. I knew that was likely all they had to wear and it didn’t bother me that they showed up dressed like that. I wasn’t expecting them to buy new clothes for my wedding.
My friend just had a 2nd wedding. There was no dress code but it was at a winery. Most guests wore suits and cocktail dresses. The groom's ex-uncle-in-law wore an apparently brand new crisp set of denim overalls with a new solid blue shirt and cufflinks that were shaped like tools. He clearly wanted to play a character part.
That is kinda cute and sweet.
Did he have a grizzly beard?
NP. I don't see how dressing to pull attention at someone else's event is cute or sweet. If he wants attention, he can throw his own party and wear his hayseed outfit.
You mean evening gowns don’t pull attention?
Not if lots of people are wearing them. Whatever sticks out like a sore thumb is what pulls attention.
Anonymous
09/29/2025 13:46
Subject: Re:Is it disrespectful to ignore the dress code?
Yes. Follow the suggest dress code or don’t go.
Anonymous
09/28/2025 23:05
Subject: Re:Is it disrespectful to ignore the dress code?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Adults can have huge birthday blowouts and request formal attire if they want to. That’s not the issue. Yes, it is disrespectful not to at least make an effort of adhering to the dress code. Sounds like the guest is more of a frenemy who wants to stick it to the birthday boy/girl or is a narcissist who wants to make everything about them.
When I married it was in a hotel ballroom in the evening. I didn’t have a dress code, but had relatives show up in jeans. I knew that was likely all they had to wear and it didn’t bother me that they showed up dressed like that. I wasn’t expecting them to buy new clothes for my wedding.
My friend just had a 2nd wedding. There was no dress code but it was at a winery. Most guests wore suits and cocktail dresses. The groom's ex-uncle-in-law wore an apparently brand new crisp set of denim overalls with a new solid blue shirt and cufflinks that were shaped like tools. He clearly wanted to play a character part.
That is kinda cute and sweet.
Did he have a grizzly beard?
NP. I don't see how dressing to pull attention at someone else's event is cute or sweet. If he wants attention, he can throw his own party and wear his hayseed outfit.
You mean evening gowns don’t pull attention?
Anonymous
09/28/2025 22:58
Subject: Re:Is it disrespectful to ignore the dress code?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:how old is the guest?
What is the relationship to the host?
And what is the guest's gender/sexual identity?
What is the event? A wedding or Grandma's 80th birthday?
If it's a wedding, is it favorite cousin? Dad's second? mom's best friend's child?
and who are you in this situation?
All of this plays into how I'd handle this.
Sexual identy is irrelevant.
If you think a special pass on manners is allowable for anyone who isn't straight or a gay man, then you are being ridiculous.
No it’s very relevant. I’m a gay woman. I’m fine being a woman with no gender issues. However, I dislike women’s clothing. I don’t like the tighter fit, I don’t wear dresses or skirts ever. It physically makes me uncomfortable and then adds social anxiety as well because it just doesn’t feel right.
So I’d skip the event entirely.
Why can’t you wear a tux? I am a straight woman who doesn’t like dresses and I have a tux for black tie events. I wear it with a sleeveless top, not a shirt.