Anonymous wrote:OP here. The most confusing part for me is that after literally deserting me, he says I’m abusive and he doesn’t feel safe being around me.

I’m sitting here wracking my brain about the ways in which I could have possibly abused him and made him feel unsafe. Was it when I’d go to bed at 10 pm by myself because he’d refuse to join me saying he needs alone time and stay up till 3 am drinking 2 bottles of wine and 1 pack of beer and I’d find him at 6 am passed out on the couch with his open open with lots of hook up apps and messages to women?

Or was it when I woke up at 7 am everyday to either go to work or work from home and I’d let him sleep his hangovers off until 2 pm. At which point he’d wake up and hardly acknowledge me and then go out to get a sandwich and come back and spend the late afternoon in his office singing and playing guitar?

Or was it when I told him it made me uncomfortable that he would rather spend Saturday evenings with his single friends and party at bars and not come home until 3 am? And he’d respond by being angry and accusing me of being a buzzkill who didn’t want him to be friends?

Was I abusing him when I’d cry hearing another pregnancy announcement after he told me ivf is off the table as he doesn’t want to be a boring suburban dad? And then he’d say I’m always sad and crying and go lock himself in his office?

It’s just so confusing. He makes me feel like anything I expected was too much and unreasonable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you off the lease? You need to make sure you’re not legally liable to pay rent while he lives there.

Personally, I would not move out. You keep paying it, get him off the lease. He’s the one who can deal with finding a new place and moving his stuff.

See an attorney, but when I dealt with this, I made him leave and I gave him a set deadline to get his stuff, then I tossed it.

I moved out as I cannot afford to pay rent for our larger apartment. I got a smaller apartment that I can afford. He kept threatening to not pay rent the last two months to push me to move out. He said since I’m not his wife anymore, he doesn’t need to pay for me so either I pay or I move out. All of his stuff is still there. I have moved out most of my things and will finalize the rest of it this weekend. [/quote

If he's chronically unemployed and spends all his time getting drunk and playing the guitar, while you go to work every day at 7 am, why is he in a position to pay for a bigger apartment, and you have to downsize? What about his big tax bill? Something doesn't add up?