Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did a kid with anxiety and depression go to a “grinder school?.”

Then stop medication that was working, and for some reason , counseling us “off the table.”

I feel very sorry for him.

Sounds like everyone’s priorités are mixed up.

Op here, guess you missed the updates. Dc chose this school. I had almost zero to do with it. Dc is very bright, the work is not an issue, he has a strong GPA. He chose to go off meds, not me. And just realistically it will be hard to find a good therapist right now, but dc knows he’s welcome to see someone if he likes.

Re $. A big issue and it sucks, but it’s on his dad. In fact I warned dc repeatedly before he accepted that his dad wasn’t reliable with money and to think deeply about going to this school, but he insisted. At some point, dc is an adult and needs to make his own decisions. To that end, I’m not forcing him to stay and I’m going to try to help him with tuition but I won’t be able to pay for 100 percent and you know what, I don’t think that’s so terrible.

Why did you agree to this? You are blaming dad but YOU are the problem. Dad did not committ to helping but you decided dad will pay and messed this us. You send your kid to a school you/they can afford. You get a second job, have him finish out the semester, apply out and transfer. Listem to him.

DP. You are wrong. She clearly says that they’re divorce agreement is that he pays for part of college. That’s a contractual agreement that she could enforce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did a kid with anxiety and depression go to a “grinder school?.”

Then stop medication that was working, and for some reason , counseling us “off the table.”

I feel very sorry for him.

Sounds like everyone’s priorités are mixed up.

Op here, guess you missed the updates. Dc chose this school. I had almost zero to do with it. Dc is very bright, the work is not an issue, he has a strong GPA. He chose to go off meds, not me. And just realistically it will be hard to find a good therapist right now, but dc knows he’s welcome to see someone if he likes.

Re $. A big issue and it sucks, but it’s on his dad. In fact I warned dc repeatedly before he accepted that his dad wasn’t reliable with money and to think deeply about going to this school, but he insisted. At some point, dc is an adult and needs to make his own decisions. To that end, I’m not forcing him to stay and I’m going to try to help him with tuition but I won’t be able to pay for 100 percent and you know what, I don’t think that’s so terrible.

Why did you agree to this? You are blaming dad but YOU are the problem. Dad did not committ to helping but you decided dad will pay and messed this us. You send your kid to a school you/they can afford. You get a second job, have him finish out the semester, apply out and transfer. Listem to him.

Anonymous wrote:OK, so you say it’s about the money. So focus on that. You have refused to give specifics on this thread about what you were doing to enforce the contract where his dad agreed to pay. What exactly have you done with regards to this breach of contract? You seem to think this is a good school for your son and that he should just stay there and he is performing well and you are now adding that he’s not unhappy there. He’s just upset about the money. So what you need to do is get his dad to pay or to sign out his own loan and his own name. You haven’t given us details about what’s happening on that other than to laugh at the idea that you should try to enforce that contract. Presumably you gave up something else in the divorce negotiations so that his dad would have to pay for college. Or for half of college or whatever the deal is. so enforce that. I’m an attorney and I find your lack of detail and response about what you were doing with regards to enforcing contract to be very annoying.

Geez back off lady. In my state you can’t even legally make a parent pay for college. Stop laying blame on OP!

Not OP but I love the thoughtful comment above and agree wholeheartedly

It's usually advised to stay on the SSRI that has been working/effective throughout the school years. If anything, he could lower his dose slightly and this is done by slowly tapering off. Stopping his SSRI could have resulted in the behavior you are describing. If you can encourage him to take a slightly lower dose, that might be a compromise. College has social and academic challenges, and it's not a bad idea to take the SSRI and revisit tapering off completely after college.

He might just be complaining or venting, and it's always hard to tell if they are just in need of a pep talk or they need to change course. Anxiety shouldn't stop anyone from doing anything - going far away from school or accomplishing any goals. So if the anxiety flares up from time to time, strategies can combat that and it will pass. What you have to look for is if he seems genuinely unhappy. That is something different. There are so many variables in college life -- next semester he could meet his best friend or girlfriend or feel really engaged about his classes or a new club he joins. So much can change. He would have to start over if he came home, so why not do the same things where he's already at -- this means asking someone new if they want to have lunch or dinner and putting himself out there. I would say give it one more semester before making any decisions. It's very common to feel uncomfortable at college and that typically means you are growing.

Regarding the financial piece, maybe you and his father can try to have a conversation about keeping this between the two of you so it takes the weight off your son. If it's too complicated or not possible, just reassure your son it will all work out and to focus on his studies.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but I think when our kids get super stressed, they often feel like quitting. As a parent, we get worried and stressed, but I think with reassurance and encouragement, they get through these bumpy patches.

But if he gets very depressed or makes any worrisome comments, don't hesitate to act quickly. There is nothing wrong with changing course and having him commute from home.

I wish you and your son the best of luck and hope things turn around soon!