I met my DH while his divorce was being finalized. 2 kids. The court order was for 2/3 of his pay. It was devastating for him. She got the house which he had to keep paying the mortgage on, and all he could afford was a one bedroom crap apartment, which his kids hated to visit him at.
He tried having it reduced when the oldest turned 18. It only lowered it by about $100, which didn’t offset the cost of going back to court.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look dude, as a single parent I feel you. But let’s zoom out here: your ex has more custody and earns more than you. Rather than trying to up your earning game or move to 50/50, you’re trying to figure out how to do less. You’re asking the wrong question.

This is what life after divorce looks like for a few years. It’s pretty bleak. It’s why people on this forum advise others to slow down when they’re contemplating pulling the trigger. And sometimes it’s necessary. But then you gotta deal with the emotional and financial fallout of that decision. Neither pathway is easy.

A judge isn’t reducing your support based on your expenses. You need a better job. Yep, tough in this economy. We’re all out here hustling. But it’s 2025 now; by 2028 your goal should be to increase, if not double your salary, move to a better hood, and get your kids 50% of the time. How? I don’t know, but people do it, and so can you. Date, but don’t focus on relationships (and for God’s sake don’t remarry yet), and don’t blame your ex. Your kids, you, your finances. Those are your areas of focus, in order of importance. That’s how you get the life you want. Good luck.

He is asking the right question. Her ex only has 10% more custody. She also earns more.
I don’t see how 10% more custody translates into him having to pay $1700 more. He is getting screwed.

He has not said how much custody he has. He's said he can't take them except on 3 days, but he has never said how many of those 3 days he takes them on average. I would bet he has every other weekend.

He also hasn't said that he pays $1700 and almost 50% of childcare, and almost 50% of insurance, and buys them half their clothes. That would, in fact, be unreasonable. But the fact that he didn't list daycare, or insurance or any other kid expense, makes me think that mom is paying all those things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do a consultation with a NY lawyer. Will cost a few hundred dollars but will be well worth it it sounds like.

Why? He can google and find this out. It’s a calculator and they don’t care about expenses. My ex tried this. Didn’t work

This, OP.

Cut expenses and boost income.

Some people can’t afford to get divorced.

If the wife is the primary custodial parent she might be in charge of paying for ALL of the kids stuff - school bills, Dr bills, sports, camps, daycare, etc. so even if they had 50/50 custody it would make sense to split these cost items down the middle.
We don’t have enough info from OP bc we don’t know what him vs his ex pay for

Anonymous wrote:Look dude, as a single parent I feel you. But let’s zoom out here: your ex has more custody and earns more than you. Rather than trying to up your earning game or move to 50/50, you’re trying to figure out how to do less. You’re asking the wrong question.

This is what life after divorce looks like for a few years. It’s pretty bleak. It’s why people on this forum advise others to slow down when they’re contemplating pulling the trigger. And sometimes it’s necessary. But then you gotta deal with the emotional and financial fallout of that decision. Neither pathway is easy.

A judge isn’t reducing your support based on your expenses. You need a better job. Yep, tough in this economy. We’re all out here hustling. But it’s 2025 now; by 2028 your goal should be to increase, if not double your salary, move to a better hood, and get your kids 50% of the time. How? I don’t know, but people do it, and so can you. Date, but don’t focus on relationships (and for God’s sake don’t remarry yet), and don’t blame your ex. Your kids, you, your finances. Those are your areas of focus, in order of importance. That’s how you get the life you want. Good luck.

He is asking the right question. Her ex only has 10% more custody. She also earns more.
I don’t see how 10% more custody translates into him having to pay $1700 more. He is getting screwed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$1700/month for two kids? That doesn’t even cover daycare for ONE kid. Cut expenses somewhere else.

He is already paying half of the childcare expenses. Why should he pay $1700 more on top of that?

You missed where he dodged all questions about that. I'll bet anything wife is shouldering way more than half even with his 1700.

Anonymous wrote:$1700/month for two kids? That doesn’t even cover daycare for ONE kid. Cut expenses somewhere else.

He is already paying half of the childcare expenses. Why should he pay $1700 more on top of that?

Look dude, as a single parent I feel you. But let’s zoom out here: your ex has more custody and earns more than you. Rather than trying to up your earning game or move to 50/50, you’re trying to figure out how to do less. You’re asking the wrong question.

This is what life after divorce looks like for a few years. It’s pretty bleak. It’s why people on this forum advise others to slow down when they’re contemplating pulling the trigger. And sometimes it’s necessary. But then you gotta deal with the emotional and financial fallout of that decision. Neither pathway is easy.

A judge isn’t reducing your support based on your expenses. You need a better job. Yep, tough in this economy. We’re all out here hustling. But it’s 2025 now; by 2028 your goal should be to increase, if not double your salary, move to a better hood, and get your kids 50% of the time. How? I don’t know, but people do it, and so can you. Date, but don’t focus on relationships (and for God’s sake don’t remarry yet), and don’t blame your ex. Your kids, you, your finances. Those are your areas of focus, in order of importance. That’s how you get the life you want. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have extraordinary expenses? What are they?

Rent, car payment, credit card payment, food, gas, etc. they add up when $1700 is taken out before you even pay your own bills.

Wouldn't you paying more expenses for the kids if they lived with you? What would you do then? Reduce your own expenses...

Men like to have ‘50 % custody’ for child support but then still have the ex take care of everything for the kids

Its natural for women to be the primary caregivers. Nothing wrong with it

Expecting her to do all the care and pay for everything is 100% wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have extraordinary expenses? What are they?

Rent, car payment, credit card payment, food, gas, etc. they add up when $1700 is taken out before you even pay your own bills.

Wouldn't you paying more expenses for the kids if they lived with you? What would you do then? Reduce your own expenses...

Men like to have ‘50 % custody’ for child support but then still have the ex take care of everything for the kids

Its natural for women to be the primary caregivers. Nothing wrong with it

No sympathy for you. You have a responsibility for the kids. End of story. Reduce your personal expenses instead of reducing theirs.

Anonymous wrote:Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?

First I am in NY not DC. To keep it short, I need to pay $1700/month for 2 kids on a 108k salary. NY uses a calculator .The problem is that this calculator does not take into account your expenses.

So, I am now short $700 every month. It's crazy that the amount is taken on a net basis.

I'm looking for another job, but it's tough with this economy.

What's even crazier my ex earns more than me, but she has primary physical custody because due to my work hours it's impossible for me to have them more than 3 days a week. So I have them 3 days a week.

I am willing to go into further debt if a lawyer can help me lower my obligations? For example if I show my expenses to the judge will they agree to lower the amount so I don't a shortage every month?

Sorry for asking on a DC forum, but reddit isn't that helpful because a lot of dads in my situation end up venting about their own cases instead of offering solutions.

My ex pays 4k a month for 2 kids in NY. No NY judge will reduce child support bc of your expenses. They will reduce if your income went down

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do a consultation with a NY lawyer. Will cost a few hundred dollars but will be well worth it it sounds like.

Why? He can google and find this out. It’s a calculator and they don’t care about expenses. My ex tried this. Didn’t work

^ and no consultation is just a few hundred dollars. lol

Anonymous wrote:Do a consultation with a NY lawyer. Will cost a few hundred dollars but will be well worth it it sounds like.

Why? He can google and find this out. It’s a calculator and they don’t care about expenses. My ex tried this. Didn’t work

$1700/month for two kids? That doesn’t even cover daycare for ONE kid. Cut expenses somewhere else.