Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 21:57     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:I have written about my financial regrets on kids sports threads, but since this is anonymous, here we go. My daughter's figure skating was oppressively expensive. As in thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars in ice time, coaching, off ice, travel, dresses, skates ($1800 per pair and replaced at least 2x per year), etc. I never added it up because it was so much but at one point we were in very bad debt.

She got sick with several autoimmune diseases and had to stop skating, and we are finally trying to get our heads above water. We live in a townhouse, drive old cars, etc., but we made many financially irrational decisions because my kid was talented and dreamed about the Olympics.


maybe your daughters body also started braking down from the relentless sports schedule. Probably a good thing at the end of the day for both of you to pump the breaks on noting but a fantasy.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 21:54     Subject: Re:Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is always talking about how expensive everything is. But, even when both our families does the same thing, her costs are always really high, because she likes luxury.

We both did 4 day Disney trip with 2 kids each. We went separately. She took off one day, so that they could travel and reach in a leisurely manner, and then once in the hotel, they could rest up the next day. DH and I, made that drive in one day, did not take time off from work, did not stop anywhere and reached the hotel late at night.

She booked the hotel inside disney. Ours was a residence inn outside disney. We ate breakfast at the hotel, packed our snacks and lunch, came back for dinner at the hotel and a nap, went back again for fireworks. Their family ate every meal at disney. And sorry, but not sorry, meals at Disney is super duper expensive and extremely basic.

They bought every little disney momento that they could. I had already bought disney toys from other sources that I gave to the kids. She was spending hundreds of dollars more each day than what we were spending.

I don't have issues with spending money on a vacation and the finer things of life - but only if you can afford it. If you are not saving for the big expenditures that will come later in life, then you have to rein in your spending. DH and I, have a target of how much we have to save for retirement, college, kids weddings etc. We first pay in those accounts.



I always talk about how expensive things are and Im absolutely like your friend (though i HATE Disney so i won’t be spending money there). If we go to the beach, I want ocean front. If we fly longer then 6rs, I want Polaris because i need to lay down. If we get work done on the house we don’t go for budget contractors, we want it done right the first time and quickly.

Just because I complain about inflation doesn’t mean I don’t have the money. Maybe you don’t realize your grind might just have more disposable income? you never know someone circumstances. I know wealthy people who are also cheap as hell.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 21:47     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:When DH and I were dating he had no concept of budget. He spent a lot when he got paid and couldn’t make it last until the next paycheck. No one ever told him about saving. He had been deprived of a lot growing up and REALLY liked to buy things. Lots of reasons. He’s a saver now but if I hadn’t intervened and brought some financial literacy into his life, he’d probably be in a ton of debt and made years of bad financial decisions.


i never understand this. I grew up in the system and was completely on my one by age 18 and still managed to learn to read. I remember buying “Investing for Dummies” and “Rich Dad Poor Dad” and went from there. Once I found Bogleheads I was well on my way. How do people just go through life waiting on people to tell them stuff?
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 10:53     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
The real reason is we are dual income and earn about the same. I manage/pay all the bills and am unable to tell her “no, you and our daughter can’t go get $350 haircuts after shopping for a one time occasion dress for her at the mall.” We also live in moco with its crazy cost of living, politicized overcrowded public schools, and a litany of fantastic (but expensive) Catholic schools that are the alternative.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 10:44     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We don't. But for a family of 4 with supposedly an UMC income (on 2 professional jobs that both require graduate degrees), it feels like we are living a life equivalent to (or even more frugal than) an equivalent family with 1 professional job a generation ago.


Sucks to be downwardly mobile. If you are posting here, then it’s likely that you chose to live in one the most expensive geographic areas in the country.


By “choose” you mean go where the jobs are.

Graduate degrees are worthless; you need a professional degree or go directly to work and hustle up the ladder. Grad degrees are a way for the wealthy to put of working for a few more years.


I wish this were true. I graduated into the 2008 recession and had 3 part time jobs, all paying around $10/hr without benefits, because nobody was hiring full time. (My "best" job gave me 19 hours a week, because 20 was the state cutoff for benefits. I had to quit the worst because the hours were so inconsistent, I couldn't schedule my other jobs around them.)

Grad school paid me $20k with health insurance and that was an upgrade. Maybe I screwed up my life, but my rural non-rich parents didn't have any better advice.

Anyway, I chased stability and went fed, so I don't make a lot but thought I'd always be able to support my family. Hahaha hahaha.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 09:37     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:( 950) gas, electric, water, cable, cell phone

DP. I thought this might be a bit high too. Is this amount constant or high due to summer cooling bills? Also, how much is “cable”?


Are you kidding? Mine is $1400 for all this. She has 3 pre/teen kids that shower, have cell phones and exist. More expensive than the baby phase


Wut? I live in 2800 sf house with 2 teens who play sports and are constantly showering.
Gas, electric, water, trash, internet, and cell phones come out to $600 per month. Cell phones are already paid for though.


You’re overpaying for something.

Have you priced different phone plans lately?

I’m paying 470/month for the same thing in the DMV.


NP here.

So I keep track of my monthly expenses in a spreadsheet so these amounts are averaged over the last 12 months. I have like a 2,900 sq/ft house. It's a typical "split level". 4 finished levels. Family of 4 with two teenaged boys.
Washington Gas (hot water, heat): $80
Dominion Energy (AC, range, etc): $193
Republic Trash: $40 ($119/3 months)
Fairfax Water: $156
Verizon Fios and some Streaming Services (YouTube TV, HBO, Netflix, Hulu, Disney): $147
ATT Cell: $145 for 4 iphone 15s.

That's $761/month on average.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 08:32     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think people have kids or adopt pets without realizing the financial commitment is beyond their means. Once you have them you can't get them off your budget.


This! I dreaded to have any pet for years, but my child kept asking for it. Finally, we gave up and got a cat. It's not too bad, but one visit just for a check up visit to the vet was $550. If not for my child, I would never have a pet, even though I like animals.


Try a different vet. That’s absurd. Find a practice owned by a vet who is not buried in debt.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 08:31     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:( 950) gas, electric, water, cable, cell phone

DP. I thought this might be a bit high too. Is this amount constant or high due to summer cooling bills? Also, how much is “cable”?


Are you kidding? Mine is $1400 for all this. She has 3 pre/teen kids that shower, have cell phones and exist. More expensive than the baby phase


Wut? I live in 2800 sf house with 2 teens who play sports and are constantly showering.
Gas, electric, water, trash, internet, and cell phones come out to $600 per month. Cell phones are already paid for though.


You’re overpaying for something.

Have you priced different phone plans lately?

I’m paying 470/month for the same thing in the DMV.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 08:28     Subject: Re:Why aren't you able to live within your means?
When I had this problem it’s because I was taking advice about non financial things from my parents and their friends.

Once I told them to pound sand and made my own budget and stuck to it, I paid off all my debt and haven’t overspent once since.

That was five years ago.

I’ve weathered job change, health crisis, kid in college, etc. since and no more overspending.
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2025 09:40     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:( 950) gas, electric, water, cable, cell phone

DP. I thought this might be a bit high too. Is this amount constant or high due to summer cooling bills? Also, how much is “cable”?


Are you kidding? Mine is $1400 for all this. She has 3 pre/teen kids that shower, have cell phones and exist. More expensive than the baby phase


Wut? I live in 2800 sf house with 2 teens who play sports and are constantly showering.
Gas, electric, water, trash, internet, and cell phones come out to $600 per month. Cell phones are already paid for though.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2025 16:53     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:I think people have kids or adopt pets without realizing the financial commitment is beyond their means. Once you have them you can't get them off your budget.


This! I dreaded to have any pet for years, but my child kept asking for it. Finally, we gave up and got a cat. It's not too bad, but one visit just for a check up visit to the vet was $550. If not for my child, I would never have a pet, even though I like animals.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2025 12:53     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:What's the real reason for spending more than you have?


Fear, childhood trauma of being deprived or poverty, feeling of entitlement, living in fantasyland ...
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2025 12:44     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We don't. But for a family of 4 with supposedly an UMC income (on 2 professional jobs that both require graduate degrees), it feels like we are living a life equivalent to (or even more frugal than) an equivalent family with 1 professional job a generation ago.


Sucks to be downwardly mobile. If you are posting here, then it’s likely that you chose to live in one the most expensive geographic areas in the country.


By “choose” you mean go where the jobs are.

Graduate degrees are worthless; you need a professional degree or go directly to work and hustle up the ladder. Grad degrees are a way for the wealthy to put of working for a few more years.


True. But Not everyone will be JD or MD and that is OK.

We know many families in smaller cities who have a very nice life on two average job salaries (nurse, teacher, admin assistant, police officer, Electrician, HVAC)

People in DC seem to think that having a graduate degree entitles them to be rich.

Anonymous
Post 08/24/2025 12:10     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We don't. But for a family of 4 with supposedly an UMC income (on 2 professional jobs that both require graduate degrees), it feels like we are living a life equivalent to (or even more frugal than) an equivalent family with 1 professional job a generation ago.


Sucks to be downwardly mobile. If you are posting here, then it’s likely that you chose to live in one the most expensive geographic areas in the country.


By “choose” you mean go where the jobs are.

Graduate degrees are worthless; you need a professional degree or go directly to work and hustle up the ladder. Grad degrees are a way for the wealthy to put of working for a few more years.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2025 11:30     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:We don't. But for a family of 4 with supposedly an UMC income (on 2 professional jobs that both require graduate degrees), it feels like we are living a life equivalent to (or even more frugal than) an equivalent family with 1 professional job a generation ago.


Sucks to be downwardly mobile. If you are posting here, then it’s likely that you chose to live in one the most expensive geographic areas in the country.