For the 100th time, the loan was not mine. It is a loan my mom took out in her name without my knowledge at 18. I was not given a sit down talk about repaying it or that it would become my loan.

It was reason this annoying is that I am trying to break the cycle and be good with my money so we account for every dime and save for retirement and save for our kids and avoid debt so that we won’t be like my parents. I will pay it off but I don’t agree with the assumption that a student loan taken BY THE PARENT is automatically the child’s loan whenever the parent wants it to be. I’m not understanding that logic. Now onto another topic for advice. The divorce was messy and my mom was adamant about retaining her house (only source of martial asset really) so she took on a high interest mortgage for 30 years on the house. Instead she could have sold it and paid down her other debts. She also has no 401k. Now am I also obligated to support these other debts? She has been working on and off and has an income now but since she gave me a childhood and got me to this level would you all say I also should pay anytime she needs money? Where is the line? Is it just that this was for my college? I ask because she says she’s in debt because she spent all her money on supporting me and my brother (private schools etc) and we have done well but I’m trying really hard to not be in debt for my kids.

So I’m worried that my

Is the loan in her name? You are not responsible for someone else’s financial issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

Contractually isn’t but don’t be silly, was got DD to go to college. It’s DD’s.

Nope. This is not OP's loan. OP's parents were at fault for having kids they could not afford. Kid did not ask to be born.

They could have sent OP to a cheaper college or had a very clear plan with OP about how the loan will be repayed. All of things evidently did not happen.

Usually, no child pays back their parents for their schooling, college etc.

I’m not sure what universe you live in, but this is the opposite of what usually happens. The OP benefited from this loan, and the mother has been a saint to pay the payments as a gift for this long. OP needs to be grateful and start paying in full, and consider paying her mother back for the money spent.

The parents dropped the ball on communication.

All of this nonsense could have been avoided if they had been upfront with OP from the moment she went to college.

There are people of different means on this board. Some people's kids will have to pay for the loans their parents took. But that should be communicated up front.

Sou ds like your parents had good intentions but bad follow through and bad financial know how.

Reset his as your mom approachs retirement and plan accordingly

NP here. I assume OP was at least 18 when this loan was taken out on her behalf. She was an adult. She (as well as everyone else who takes out student loans) needs to understand how the loans work, the amo to for college, etc. Throwing around the excuse with your hands in the air “I didn’t know” or “I was just 18” or “No one explained it to me” has gotten many people into huge student loan messes (including me).

My parents had NO money for college and were very upfront about it. I was a Pell grant kid. I had to take out all kinds of loans, including private ones that my grandmother co-signed for (bc my parents had no credit). I found myself with 6 figures of debt, overwhelmed and freaked out but I paid them off. How could you not know that this loan existed? And to say you didn’t like how it was handled? J

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine a world where my child expects me as parent to pay for their college loan. This is insane.

Then why take out a loan in the first place? Expectations were set at that point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine a world where my child expects me as parent to pay for their college loan. This is insane.

Do you know what a parent plus loan is? It’s when the kid has borrowed the max and the only option is that the parents take it out on their own.

The implication is that the parents should have saved more and that’s why the kid can’t take out more regular student loans. So really this is a parent problem.

No, if child doesn’t want to work hard and get merit scholarship, or chooses college that isn’t affordable, child pays the price.

My dh was a straight A student, 1450sat, who went to his state school (one of the best ones) and he didn’t get many scholarships at all because his family had too much money. He had about 30k in parent plus loans he had to pay off. His parents didn’t give him any money for college.

Pay the loan but keep it in your mom's name

* remember this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

Contractually isn’t but don’t be silly, was got DD to go to college. It’s DD’s.

Nope. This is not OP's loan. OP's parents were at fault for having kids they could not afford. Kid did not ask to be born.

They could have sent OP to a cheaper college or had a very clear plan with OP about how the loan will be repayed. All of things evidently did not happen.

Usually, no child pays back their parents for their schooling, college etc.

I’m not sure what universe you live in, but this is the opposite of what usually happens. The OP benefited from this loan, and the mother has been a saint to pay the payments as a gift for this long. OP needs to be grateful and start paying in full, and consider paying her mother back for the money spent.

The parents dropped the ball on communication.

All of this nonsense could have been avoided if they had been upfront with OP from the moment she went to college.

There are people of different means on this board. Some people's kids will have to pay for the loans their parents took. But that should be communicated up front.

Sou ds like your parents had good intentions but bad follow through and bad financial know how.

Reset his as your mom approachs retirement and plan accordingly

I think you should look at the divorce papers. Maybe it says that your dad is partially responsible for the loan. If he isn't responsible for it, then work it out with your mom in a fair way. Like maybe she can help with free babysitting while you pay off the loan. It must have been hard for her to bring it up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine a world where my child expects me as parent to pay for their college loan. This is insane.

Do you know what a parent plus loan is? It’s when the kid has borrowed the max and the only option is that the parents take it out on their own.

The implication is that the parents should have saved more and that’s why the kid can’t take out more regular student loans. So really this is a parent problem.

No, if child doesn’t want to work hard and get merit scholarship, or chooses college that isn’t affordable, child pays the price.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

Contractually isn’t but don’t be silly, was got DD to go to college. It’s DD’s.

Nope. This is not OP's loan. OP's parents were at fault for having kids they could not afford. Kid did not ask to be born.

They could have sent OP to a cheaper college or had a very clear plan with OP about how the loan will be repayed. All of things evidently did not happen.

Usually, no child pays back their parents for their schooling, college etc.

I’m not sure what universe you live in, but this is the opposite of what usually happens. The OP benefited from this loan, and the mother has been a saint to pay the payments as a gift for this long. OP needs to be grateful and start paying in full, and consider paying her mother back for the money spent.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine a world where my child expects me as parent to pay for their college loan. This is insane.

Do you know what a parent plus loan is? It’s when the kid has borrowed the max and the only option is that the parents take it out on their own.

The implication is that the parents should have saved more and that’s why the kid can’t take out more regular student loans. So really this is a parent problem.

Dh made us pay off the parents plus loan his parents took out first of all the loans we paid off for him.

I’m still annoyed by it because his parents didn’t give him any money for college and they easily could have saved something. They are MAGA who don’t believe in college though. Dh is just lucky he married me young and that my parents paid for my entire education, so we had extra money to throw on his loans.

I can’t imagine a world where my child expects me as parent to pay for their college loan. This is insane.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

+1
Especially, if the parent was stupid enough to take any loan from the "Parent Plus" plan. Before you start paying, find out whose name is on the actual loan. Do not rely entirely on the website to find this information. Call and get the copy of the paperwork. Do not go by getting just a text. Ask your mom for the entire paperwork. She could be also hoodwinking you. Also, talk to your dad about it and get the paperwork. No need to get angry. You need to protect yourself and your family and have a clear idea whose loan it was.

Also, if the loan is in your name and the interest rates are not great, find out if you can negotiate better terms, or borrow from another place with lower interest rates and then pay it off. Can you pay from a credit card that has good cashbacks or can earn you some benefits (like frequent flyer miles or points?)

Finally, do what you need to do to go on a strict budget and live below your means. If it means a drastic cut in your lifestyle - so be it. You also seem to be one hot mess with your personal finances. Please follow Dave Ramsey and get out of debt and your poverty. Don't become a sad American story. Do it for your kids.

Agree with the first two paragraphs but definitely not the last. Two working parents in the midst of daycare payments? Seriously? That's when middle class people are at their most stretched! I don't know anyone who isn't at that stage in their lives! You're living in a bubble if you think everyone has a magic pot of money to dip into when they're younger.

If this loan is not in her name, then OP had MUCH BETTER put money in her own kids' college account than pay off this parent loan.

Don't perpetuate the cycle. The key here is creating a financial plan for OP's parent, because I bet this goes way beyond this loan. The parent is probably going to depend on OP and family for the rest of her life. Paying back this loan is actually NOT the priority.

I agree with you. Disagree with your sympathy with the woes of two working parents in the midst of daycare payments statement. Yes, this is absolutely horrible time for middle class parents with young kids who are stretched and I have also gone through this terrible phase of genteel poverty where money issues are foremost on your mind at all times.

The reality is that you cannot wait for the day when your HHI will increase in the future to handle your current money issues, because these will compound with every passing day. You have to be willing to save money for future, and pay off debt - with the low earnings that you are making today. If it requires that OP and DH eat rice and beans for a year, cut off all subscriptions, carpool, take in laundry for others, sell off stuff from their home on FB marketplace, shop at Aldis, shop consignments, take in a roommate ...they should absolutely do that.

DH and I paid off 50K in college loans 2 years after graduating. Combined HHI was only 75K. We lived with roommates, we cooked from scratch, we carpooled, we did not go to eat out, we did not buy clothes and shoes unless it was to replace them for work. I understand that this is not possible with two kids. But, OP's HHI is decent and she can do it.

Trust me, the world opens up when you are debt-free.