Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15-year-old DS is in flux. He's about to enter HS.
Kids he grew up with in elementary and middle seemed to have splintered into two camps -- kids who are sneaking out, vaping, defacing property (seriously, two kids he knows well were just arraigned in court for this), or else have super niche interests like D&D, which don't appeal to my kid.

I am not saying my child is an angel but he's really not interested in staying out til all hours and vaping (and I'd like to think we've dissuaded him from this anyway), but he's also not into the things that the non-party kids enjoy. The result is that he's struggling to find kids who are on his wavelength and he ends up spending a lot lot of time when he's not at sports practice hanging out alone.

Can anyone else relate? Does this improve with age?

NP. Honestly? Catholic schools.

I say this as an atheist who pulled my kid from public to Catholic.

Catholic and private schools have the worst fake bullies. The ones nice to adults and terrible to peers. So many cliques. No way. My poor daughter was traumatized

+1 you’d be surprised what trouble the private school kids get up to but their parents just cover it up much more quickly

+2 Private school just means richer and/or that they have needs that can't be met in a normal public school environment that pushed the parents to shell out for private.

This happened to my son who is now a rising senior but it happened during freshman year. His elementary group who had been really sweet and loyal became focused on parties, drinking and hooking up. He shared with me that this is why he was no longer seeing them outside school. He played soccer so that kept him busy. Over time, his soccer friendships (school and club) intensified too. He kept hanging out with one elementary friend who stayed out of trouble even though they didn’t have much in common hobby wise. They still enjoyed watching a game or eating a meal. He met kids through classes that were down to earth and kind. By junior year, he had his license and had created a large circle of kids from all areas of life and was able to more easily get together. Those get togethers are almost entirely soccer or food related but that’s fine. He doesn’t attend parties or drink. Just encourage your child to be friendly to everyone they meet because you never know who will turn into a friend.

I'm happy my son is into Scouts and D&D.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15-year-old DS is in flux. He's about to enter HS.
Kids he grew up with in elementary and middle seemed to have splintered into two camps -- kids who are sneaking out, vaping, defacing property (seriously, two kids he knows well were just arraigned in court for this), or else have super niche interests like D&D, which don't appeal to my kid.

I am not saying my child is an angel but he's really not interested in staying out til all hours and vaping (and I'd like to think we've dissuaded him from this anyway), but he's also not into the things that the non-party kids enjoy. The result is that he's struggling to find kids who are on his wavelength and he ends up spending a lot lot of time when he's not at sports practice hanging out alone.

Can anyone else relate? Does this improve with age?

D&D is mainstream and why is a 15yr old entering high school?

If he wants to make friends, he has to be willing to take an interest in something, anything. Boring people are boring.

Maybe try a social skills group?

I'm confused as to why you're asking about a 15-year-old entering high school. Where we live, the cutoff is September 1, so...lots of kids turn 15 early in their freshman year.

A social skills group?

Parent to 16 yo rising junior in a large MCPS high school. He has a core group of about 10 people, maybe 6 boys and 4 girls. I’d describe them as mainstream and “wholesome”. Most of them play at least one sport but some have other interests and hobbies. I am 100% positive that they don’t vape and 95% sure that they don’t drink (some of them probably have hanging out with other geoups). They mostly hang out at each others houses, watch movies, goof around, have bonfires, play bball, walk to our areas restaurants, cafes etc. We know the parents so know that parents are home so am fairly sure there is no sneaky drinking.

I think the takeaway is that wholesome, mainstream kids will likely have some interest in something - what that interest actually is, is fairly irrelevant. It could be sports, band, D&D, etc. Instead of worrying about whether an interest is mainstream, just see what your son’s interests are and look for others that share those interests. High school should have a wide variety of electives and extracurricular clubs that he can choose from and find others with similar interests. If necessary, look outside the schools at rec classes and community groups. Your local library may post advertisements for area groups, and may offer youth programs, itself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your 15 year old starting high school? My 15 year old is going into junior year. Did you hold him back two years?

Huh? It's pretty common to be 12 in 6th grade, 13 in 7th and 14 in 8th. Most turn 15 in 9th but not at all uncommon to have an August birthday.

Also, it's super common to redshirt athletes.

Not sure why anyone is fixating on the age here.

Um, no it's not. It's so weird to infantile your kids and have them graduating high school 2 years after they turn adults

Ugh! There are plenty of redshirting threads. If you want to debate redshirting, resurrect one of those threads. While redshirting is common, and some of those who are redshirted may be athletes, that does not mean it is common (much less super common) to redshirt athletes. Moreover, parents redshirt for many reasons having nothing to do with infantilizing kids, none of which are any of our concern.

Additionally, while redshirting is a likely explanation for the child in question’s age, it is not the only possibility, and again, it’s none of our business. What may or may not have happened ten years earlier before the kid started K is irrelevant. Whatever led to this point, the current situation is that a 15 yo freshman boy needs friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made my DS join Boy Scouts. He is really into it now. The boys tend to be a little nerdy, they are very bright kids academically but they get to do really cool stuff. They are really good kids, never heard of anyone vaping or defacing property and being in a troop is having insta friends group

Scouts is definitely a good way to find outdoorsy, rule-following kids. But OP sounds super-judgy in her perception of what is "wholesome". In my kid's school, a lot of the kids who love D&D are the same nerdy ones who love scouts.

Growing up in the late 1980s, my parents wanted me to do anything BUT D&D. Now, I'd love my kids to find a nice little D&D group to settle in with.

Anonymous wrote:I made my DS join Boy Scouts. He is really into it now. The boys tend to be a little nerdy, they are very bright kids academically but they get to do really cool stuff. They are really good kids, never heard of anyone vaping or defacing property and being in a troop is having insta friends group

Scouts is definitely a good way to find outdoorsy, rule-following kids. But OP sounds super-judgy in her perception of what is "wholesome". In my kid's school, a lot of the kids who love D&D are the same nerdy ones who love scouts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your 15 year old starting high school? My 15 year old is going into junior year. Did you hold him back two years?

Huh? It's pretty common to be 12 in 6th grade, 13 in 7th and 14 in 8th. Most turn 15 in 9th but not at all uncommon to have an August birthday.

Also, it's super common to redshirt athletes.

Not sure why anyone is fixating on the age here.

Um, no it's not. It's so weird to infantile your kids and have them graduating high school 2 years after they turn adults

Are you really this bad at math?

A kid who starts high school at 15 will graduate at 18 if they are a summer birthday (most common in kids who are redshirted) or 19 if their birthday is earlier.

Also infantile is not a verb.

+1. If OP's son turned 15 this month (July) or in June, he will be 18 when he graduates. What's the big deal?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15-year-old DS is in flux. He's about to enter HS.
Kids he grew up with in elementary and middle seemed to have splintered into two camps -- kids who are sneaking out, vaping, defacing property (seriously, two kids he knows well were just arraigned in court for this), or else have super niche interests like D&D, which don't appeal to my kid.

I am not saying my child is an angel but he's really not interested in staying out til all hours and vaping (and I'd like to think we've dissuaded him from this anyway), but he's also not into the things that the non-party kids enjoy. The result is that he's struggling to find kids who are on his wavelength and he ends up spending a lot lot of time when he's not at sports practice hanging out alone.

Can anyone else relate? Does this improve with age?

NP. Honestly? Catholic schools.

I say this as an atheist who pulled my kid from public to Catholic.

Catholic and private schools have the worst fake bullies. The ones nice to adults and terrible to peers. So many cliques. No way. My poor daughter was traumatized

+1 you’d be surprised what trouble the private school kids get up to but their parents just cover it up much more quickly

Rec sports -- the jerks go off to travel.

Anonymous wrote:I made my DS join Boy Scouts. He is really into it now. The boys tend to be a little nerdy, they are very bright kids academically but they get to do really cool stuff. They are really good kids, never heard of anyone vaping or defacing property and being in a troop is having insta friends group

Scouts and private school--one of the nerdier ones that emphasizes academics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your 15 year old starting high school? My 15 year old is going into junior year. Did you hold him back two years?

Huh? It's pretty common to be 12 in 6th grade, 13 in 7th and 14 in 8th. Most turn 15 in 9th but not at all uncommon to have an August birthday.

Also, it's super common to redshirt athletes.

Not sure why anyone is fixating on the age here.

Um, no it's not. It's so weird to infantile your kids and have them graduating high school 2 years after they turn adults

Are you really this bad at math?

A kid who starts high school at 15 will graduate at 18 if they are a summer birthday (most common in kids who are redshirted) or 19 if their birthday is earlier.

Also infantile is not a verb.

I made my DS join Boy Scouts. He is really into it now. The boys tend to be a little nerdy, they are very bright kids academically but they get to do really cool stuff. They are really good kids, never heard of anyone vaping or defacing property and being in a troop is having insta friends group