Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

Why? Let them live their own lives!

Helicopter grandparents for crying out loud!

I don’t think showing up at soccer games is “helicopter grand parenting” or being there to stay home with a sick kid or picking them up from school when there is early release for snow.

you might not, but the whole point of this thread is that your opinion is not what counts. It's the parent's opinion—not the grandparent—that matters.

I didn’t think it was when my kids grandparents showed up. My kids don’t think it is either. Nor do my nieces and nephews.

hooray! sounds like this thread doesn't apply to you!

It also sounds like this thread isn’t for you because it’s about people who want their parents to be more involved and to fly to where they live. Like I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

Why? Let them live their own lives!

Helicopter grandparents for crying out loud!

I don’t think showing up at soccer games is “helicopter grand parenting” or being there to stay home with a sick kid or picking them up from school when there is early release for snow.

you might not, but the whole point of this thread is that your opinion is not what counts. It's the parent's opinion—not the grandparent—that matters.

I didn’t think it was when my kids grandparents showed up. My kids don’t think it is either. Nor do my nieces and nephews.

hooray! sounds like this thread doesn't apply to you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

So, move near them? Or vent here, if moving isn't an option for you.

I have a condo near them.

I also flew to LA to help my niece with her new baby and I flew to Seattle to help my nephew during spring break since they had no care for that week.

But I’m privileged. I love the insignificant moments.

as someone whose MIL decided to come "help" with the new baby by inserting herself into the delivery room, complaining about having to take care of the other child, rearranged everything in the house to her own liking and then invited herself back to "help" with my wife's surgery, which entailed berating both of us (including my recovering wife) for not doing enough for her... probably not everyone thinks your "love for insignificant moments" is as charming as you do.

Ask if you're needed, accept the answer.

The PP may be a very useful person to have around in times of need. Your MIL is one person. Stop projecting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a dumb post. My family lives within driving distance and we are lucky that there is money, time, and health that we can see DH's family often who live a 3 hr plane ride away. We recognize many people aren't in the same situation as us.

And if people are giving up stuff they want because of their parents, the problem is with them, not their parents.

Your view of the world and what people are able to do is very skewed. Your post just makes you sound like an idiot.

have you READ any posts around here? they're filled with raging self-absorbed types (or their adult children complaining about them) who are OUTRAGED their interests and time with grandchildren are not made first priority.

So? If your parents are the raging, self-absorbed type, remind them they can buy a ticket to visit at any time. If they can't afford it, you could buy them a ticket. If they really want to see their grandkids on a regular basis, they could move to you, but if they already have a community in place, it's probably a bad idea. So, nicely ignore the raging.

Or they can stop the raging—it is fundamentally their problem. The rest of us don't need to put up wiht it.

But you can't control other people, only yourself. So if you have raging self-absorbed parents and you've offered solutions, but all they can do is keep raging, then you just have to ignore them politely. They are still your parents, and they deserve the respect of being politely ignored. Almost no adult child will move near their parents to placate them, especially if they have a spouse. The idea is absurd.

it's not absurd—we all know people who couldn't escape their hometown, whose parents encourged them to go to college and stay close to home, to take a job that won't send them away... and if you've ever met just about anyone in DC who came here from somewhere else, there's a good chance they have a family member who gives them shit about why they keep the grandchildren so far away.

my parents are fine (4.5 hour drive) and my wife's parents are decent, but some of her other in-laws, who have even less right to say anything are horrible... and we know tons of people living here with horror stories about parents or in-laws who are constantly whining about it. and we both know people from HS who work deadbeat jobs but "the grandparents really help out, I can't imagine not having them so close".

So? Lots of people have dysfunctional families. I guess let them whine a bit and then smile and politely change the subject. There is no way DH or I would move from our jobs and communities because our parents complained about access to the grandkids. Most likely, whoever in your family is complaining knows this and just complains for the sake of it. If someone wants more access, it's up to them to move to get it, obviously.

on one level you're not wrong—I mean, eff them and their toxicity. I have no problem saying that and it really lowers my opinion of them when they do that.

But also, to be clear, they're wrong, and it's on them to be better people, not for people they're trying to manipulate to just figure out how to grin and bear it.

And to be clear, I feel fine about my choices, but it really makes me feel bad when my friends in the area talk about the shit they put up with from their families. I jsut don't get why some people are so selfish—they're not YOUR kids! They are your children's kids—let your children raise them! You fit in where you can!

Why would you feel bad for people who can’t/won’t draw boundaries? Do you all just sit around and whine about your dysfunctional families? So boring.

why do you blame the victim of the toxic behavior? be better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

So, move near them? Or vent here, if moving isn't an option for you.

I have a condo near them.

I also flew to LA to help my niece with her new baby and I flew to Seattle to help my nephew during spring break since they had no care for that week.

But I’m privileged. I love the insignificant moments.

as someone whose MIL decided to come "help" with the new baby by inserting herself into the delivery room, complaining about having to take care of the other child, rearranged everything in the house to her own liking and then invited herself back to "help" with my wife's surgery, which entailed berating both of us (including my recovering wife) for not doing enough for her... probably not everyone thinks your "love for insignificant moments" is as charming as you do.

Ask if you're needed, accept the answer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

Why? Let them live their own lives!

Helicopter grandparents for crying out loud!

I don’t think showing up at soccer games is “helicopter grand parenting” or being there to stay home with a sick kid or picking them up from school when there is early release for snow.

you might not, but the whole point of this thread is that your opinion is not what counts. It's the parent's opinion—not the grandparent—that matters.

I'll chime in and say I'd love it if my parents were around to watch soccer games, stay home with a sick kid, or pick kids up from school early. Especially if they had their own place nearby. It would be so helpful. My inlaws nearby would be the opposite of helpful - they have never done a single helpful thing since we've had kids. They make life more complicated when they are near.

not all grandparents are bad, for sure.

just the ones who refuse to help AND who think their interests come first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

Why? Let them live their own lives!

Helicopter grandparents for crying out loud!

I don’t think showing up at soccer games is “helicopter grand parenting” or being there to stay home with a sick kid or picking them up from school when there is early release for snow.

you might not, but the whole point of this thread is that your opinion is not what counts. It's the parent's opinion—not the grandparent—that matters.

I didn’t think it was when my kids grandparents showed up. My kids don’t think it is either. Nor do my nieces and nephews.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

Why? Let them live their own lives!

Helicopter grandparents for crying out loud!

I don’t think showing up at soccer games is “helicopter grand parenting” or being there to stay home with a sick kid or picking them up from school when there is early release for snow.

you might not, but the whole point of this thread is that your opinion is not what counts. It's the parent's opinion—not the grandparent—that matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

Why? Let them live their own lives!

Helicopter grandparents for crying out loud!

I don’t think showing up at soccer games is “helicopter grand parenting” or being there to stay home with a sick kid or picking them up from school when there is early release for snow.

I didn’t think it was when my kids grandparents showed up. My kids don’t think it is either. Nor do my nieces and nephews.



you might not, but the whole point of this thread is that your opinion is not what counts. It's the parent's opinion—not the grandparent—that matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

Why? Let them live their own lives!

Helicopter grandparents for crying out loud!

I don’t think showing up at soccer games is “helicopter grand parenting” or being there to stay home with a sick kid or picking them up from school when there is early release for snow.

you might not, but the whole point of this thread is that your opinion is not what counts. It's the parent's opinion—not the grandparent—that matters.

I'll chime in and say I'd love it if my parents were around to watch soccer games, stay home with a sick kid, or pick kids up from school early. Especially if they had their own place nearby. It would be so helpful. My inlaws nearby would be the opposite of helpful - they have never done a single helpful thing since we've had kids. They make life more complicated when they are near.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a dumb post. My family lives within driving distance and we are lucky that there is money, time, and health that we can see DH's family often who live a 3 hr plane ride away. We recognize many people aren't in the same situation as us.

And if people are giving up stuff they want because of their parents, the problem is with them, not their parents.

Your view of the world and what people are able to do is very skewed. Your post just makes you sound like an idiot.

have you READ any posts around here? they're filled with raging self-absorbed types (or their adult children complaining about them) who are OUTRAGED their interests and time with grandchildren are not made first priority.

So? If your parents are the raging, self-absorbed type, remind them they can buy a ticket to visit at any time. If they can't afford it, you could buy them a ticket. If they really want to see their grandkids on a regular basis, they could move to you, but if they already have a community in place, it's probably a bad idea. So, nicely ignore the raging.

Or they can stop the raging—it is fundamentally their problem. The rest of us don't need to put up wiht it.

But you can't control other people, only yourself. So if you have raging self-absorbed parents and you've offered solutions, but all they can do is keep raging, then you just have to ignore them politely. They are still your parents, and they deserve the respect of being politely ignored. Almost no adult child will move near their parents to placate them, especially if they have a spouse. The idea is absurd.

it's not absurd—we all know people who couldn't escape their hometown, whose parents encourged them to go to college and stay close to home, to take a job that won't send them away... and if you've ever met just about anyone in DC who came here from somewhere else, there's a good chance they have a family member who gives them shit about why they keep the grandchildren so far away.

my parents are fine (4.5 hour drive) and my wife's parents are decent, but some of her other in-laws, who have even less right to say anything are horrible... and we know tons of people living here with horror stories about parents or in-laws who are constantly whining about it. and we both know people from HS who work deadbeat jobs but "the grandparents really help out, I can't imagine not having them so close".

So? Lots of people have dysfunctional families. I guess let them whine a bit and then smile and politely change the subject. There is no way DH or I would move from our jobs and communities because our parents complained about access to the grandkids. Most likely, whoever in your family is complaining knows this and just complains for the sake of it. If someone wants more access, it's up to them to move to get it, obviously.

on one level you're not wrong—I mean, eff them and their toxicity. I have no problem saying that and it really lowers my opinion of them when they do that.

But also, to be clear, they're wrong, and it's on them to be better people, not for people they're trying to manipulate to just figure out how to grin and bear it.

And to be clear, I feel fine about my choices, but it really makes me feel bad when my friends in the area talk about the shit they put up with from their families. I jsut don't get why some people are so selfish—they're not YOUR kids! They are your children's kids—let your children raise them! You fit in where you can!

Why would you feel bad for people who can’t/won’t draw boundaries? Do you all just sit around and whine about your dysfunctional families? So boring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

Why? Let them live their own lives!

Helicopter grandparents for crying out loud!

I don’t think showing up at soccer games is “helicopter grand parenting” or being there to stay home with a sick kid or picking them up from school when there is early release for snow.

you might not, but the whole point of this thread is that your opinion is not what counts. It's the parent's opinion—not the grandparent—that matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

Why? Let them live their own lives!

Helicopter grandparents for crying out loud!

I don’t think showing up at soccer games is “helicopter grand parenting” or being there to stay home with a sick kid or picking them up from school when there is early release for snow.

you might not, but the whole point of this thread is that your opinion is not what counts. It's the parent's opinion—not the grandparent—that matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a dumb post. My family lives within driving distance and we are lucky that there is money, time, and health that we can see DH's family often who live a 3 hr plane ride away. We recognize many people aren't in the same situation as us.

And if people are giving up stuff they want because of their parents, the problem is with them, not their parents.

Your view of the world and what people are able to do is very skewed. Your post just makes you sound like an idiot.

have you READ any posts around here? they're filled with raging self-absorbed types (or their adult children complaining about them) who are OUTRAGED their interests and time with grandchildren are not made first priority.

So? If your parents are the raging, self-absorbed type, remind them they can buy a ticket to visit at any time. If they can't afford it, you could buy them a ticket. If they really want to see their grandkids on a regular basis, they could move to you, but if they already have a community in place, it's probably a bad idea. So, nicely ignore the raging.

Or they can stop the raging—it is fundamentally their problem. The rest of us don't need to put up wiht it.

But you can't control other people, only yourself. So if you have raging self-absorbed parents and you've offered solutions, but all they can do is keep raging, then you just have to ignore them politely. They are still your parents, and they deserve the respect of being politely ignored. Almost no adult child will move near their parents to placate them, especially if they have a spouse. The idea is absurd.

it's not absurd—we all know people who couldn't escape their hometown, whose parents encourged them to go to college and stay close to home, to take a job that won't send them away... and if you've ever met just about anyone in DC who came here from somewhere else, there's a good chance they have a family member who gives them shit about why they keep the grandchildren so far away.

my parents are fine (4.5 hour drive) and my wife's parents are decent, but some of her other in-laws, who have even less right to say anything are horrible... and we know tons of people living here with horror stories about parents or in-laws who are constantly whining about it. and we both know people from HS who work deadbeat jobs but "the grandparents really help out, I can't imagine not having them so close".

So? Lots of people have dysfunctional families. I guess let them whine a bit and then smile and politely change the subject. There is no way DH or I would move from our jobs and communities because our parents complained about access to the grandkids. Most likely, whoever in your family is complaining knows this and just complains for the sake of it. If someone wants more access, it's up to them to move to get it, obviously.

on one level you're not wrong—I mean, eff them and their toxicity. I have no problem saying that and it really lowers my opinion of them when they do that.

But also, to be clear, they're wrong, and it's on them to be better people, not for people they're trying to manipulate to just figure out how to grin and bear it.

And to be clear, I feel fine about my choices, but it really makes me feel bad when my friends in the area talk about the shit they put up with from their families. I jsut don't get why some people are so selfish—they're not YOUR kids! They are your children's kids—let your children raise them! You fit in where you can!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

Why? Let them live their own lives!

Helicopter grandparents for crying out loud!

I don’t think showing up at soccer games is “helicopter grand parenting” or being there to stay home with a sick kid or picking them up from school when there is early release for snow.