If you can't even be responsible for your own children why take on the responsibility of a teen you don't know?

I don’t think you can say yes to the teen coming unless you’re going to house the teen, pay for their meals, and include them in all vacation activities.

If you can afford to take multiple vacations a year AND bring your nanny with you on vacation, I think you should let the nanny bring her child. When I saw the subject, ai was picturing a toddler who would split your nanny’s attention while caring for your kids. But a highschooler will be self sufficient while the nanny is with your kids, and can hang out with your nanny during her off hours. I’m assuming you’re not asking the nanny to be on call 24/7, right?? It would be a nice thing to do to let the teen come, it would probably make a huge difference to their family with only very minor costs to you.

OP, do you worry about -not- having the nanny? And why? Lots of worry and downside to bringing a teenager on this trip. You don't know this teen. If your children are older, this teem may not be a good influence. You are, somewhat, responsible for this teen. All that they do, whoever they go. If they get into some kind o trouble. If you can't even be responsible for your own children, why consider it?

More info OP.

Are you flying? Then, an extra ticket could be expensive and a show-stopper.

If driving, would this mean another vehicle? Is that the complication? Does your nanny have a car and could she drive it to the vacation location?

I like the suggestions that you offer covering meals [that you are worried about paying for] in exchange for some "mother's helper" time, loosely.

Unless there is something with your kids requiring an extra set of hands beyond parents, you and DH should and could otherwise manage your own set of kids on your own vacation. A traveling nanny to do all the stuff you don't want to do while away, quite frankly, is not an entitlement. When you make a larger family, you are responsible for them.

So my vote is for trying a compromise with your nanny. It is likely there is a privilege gap, and no wonder her daughter would like to come on a nice vacation. I realize this is not your responsibility. But, you asked her and she gave you a response. If things were different, you would be on the other side of this coin. Unless there are zero job openings, I would look around for another employer if you stand at no. (I am a parent and not a nanny, just FYI)

Personally, I would not bring the nanny and get a babysitter or enroll the kids in activities to give yourselves adult time at the location. The fact that she asked you if she could bring her daughter means that she doesn't want to go on this work trip. Only having her daughter there would make it worth her while, despite the extra comp. We bring our nanny on family trips because we have a severely special needs child but she is single and we schedule it around her calendar, give her time off and an extra day off to recuperate plus compensate her generously. We want her to keep saying yes so we do whatever to make it worth it.

Yes, you totally should tell the nanny no.
You are paying her for that week anyway, right, whether she travels with you or stays home? Its not her vacation week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As additional context, the nanny and her husband live together with their kids. The kids who still live at home are high school aged or older. My impression is the DD simply would like to join her mom on this trip. Nanny contract does not require vacation work, so this is an additional request. This would have no impact on vacation to which she is otherwise entitled. We take more than one vacation per year, and she'll have time off the next time we vacation without her, in addition to other time off to which she's entitled.

Side note, I am chuckling at the suggestion that people who have means to live comfortably are not entitled to try to save money where they can.

Side note - I am chuckling at your implied suggestion that the nanny's kids don't have the right to want to spend time with their mom. Nanny should turn you down.

I don't think you read well. She has the right to want to spend time with her mother, but she does not have the right to go to work with her mother. Do yours?

This only makes sense if the nanny is expected to work all day every day. I just brought a family member on a work trip to hang out with during my off hours. It made being there much more enjoyable.

Yep. I think you can view the trip as one on which then nanny is working 24/7 in which case you pay her hourly wage for all 24 hours, and 1.5 time after 40 hours, or you pay her whatever her guaranteed hours are (assuming you need her less than that), pay for her travel and room that is far enough away from your family that she's not impacted and give her a per diem for meals. Then she can have whoever she wants in that room, including her kid and spouse.

Anonymous wrote:Also, nanny and daughter don’t have to accompany you to the nicest restaurants. They can have a cozy dinner by themselves.

Yes, but don’t pull some BS like you expect nanny to leave her DD at the hotel eating fast food so she can help you with your kids at a nice restaurant.

Anonymous wrote:I think the folks trying to compare this to their 9-5 white collar jobs are missing the point.

Nannies largely do not get to set their own vacation schedules, and do not have unlimited time off.

OP's nanny is being asked to give up vacation time to make OP's life easier. There's no indication in OP's post that this time will be recouped later. It makes total sense to me as the parent of a teen that the nanny might not want to give up one of her last vacations with her teen, AND that she's afraid to say no to her employer.

OP, you underestimate the power imbalance here. I'm sure you are a nice person so you can't fathom it, but it's there and your nanny may be afraid to say NO so she asks if she can bring her daughter instead. There is a power imbalance.

You can tell her yes, and say that she will be responsible for the teen's expenses AND be nice and pick up an occasional dinner. Basically, don't nickel and dime.

Or, you can go without the nanny and enjoy your alone family time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As additional context, the nanny and her husband live together with their kids. The kids who still live at home are high school aged or older. My impression is the DD simply would like to join her mom on this trip. Nanny contract does not require vacation work, so this is an additional request. This would have no impact on vacation to which she is otherwise entitled. We take more than one vacation per year, and she'll have time off the next time we vacation without her, in addition to other time off to which she's entitled.

Side note, I am chuckling at the suggestion that people who have means to live comfortably are not entitled to try to save money where they can.

Chuckle, chuckle. Your nanny is trying to accommodate your vacation schedule and your preference for not having to care for your children during this vacation, a “request” which falls outside the scope of her employment contract. In return, you presume to know your nanny’s family dynamics and show no empathy or generosity whatsoever for her family. That is just hilarious.

And "saving money where I can" by trying to nickel and dime the person you employ to care for your kids by refusing to let her balance her own work and kids is just... something.

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone is giving OP a very hard time. OP, I get it. It is a lot to bring an additional person on vacation with you. I don’t know the logistics but I can see it being an extra air fare, extra hotel room, another vehicle needed for transportation, etc. I would talk with my husband and see if we could bring the teen. I get it for them too. This may be a once in a lifetime experience for them and they want to experience it. Maybe there is a happy middle ground where you pay for half of the teens stuff? Then the rest she pays on her own but you pay her for this vacation up front to her so that she has spending money? So let’s say you pay for the hotel and airfare but everything else is up to her. If you go to an expensive restaurant then leave the kids at home with her. Go out and enjoy yourselves. Maybe treat them to one nice meal out on you all with just them two? I would try to accommodate if I can.

OP deserves a hard time, and you're condescending AF when it comes to the nanny.

Maybe the nanny and her daughter were looking forward to that week off to spend time together.
And now the nanny's boss has made a request and as her employee, the nanny doesn't want to say no but also doesn't want to disappoint (or be away from) her own child.

Sheesh, op, a little grace here.

How about moms helping moms?
You get childcare on vacation and your nanny gets to still spend time with her own kid who probably will help her mom and be fun for your kids. Even if you have to buy the teenager a hamburger or two.
Everybody wins.

I bet you like to say that your nanny is part of the family. Well, prove it.

I think everyone is giving OP a very hard time. OP, I get it. It is a lot to bring an additional person on vacation with you. I don’t know the logistics but I can see it being an extra air fare, extra hotel room, another vehicle needed for transportation, etc. I would talk with my husband and see if we could bring the teen. I get it for them too. This may be a once in a lifetime experience for them and they want to experience it. Maybe there is a happy middle ground where you pay for half of the teens stuff? Then the rest she pays on her own but you pay her for this vacation up front to her so that she has spending money? So let’s say you pay for the hotel and airfare but everything else is up to her. If you go to an expensive restaurant then leave the kids at home with her. Go out and enjoy yourselves. Maybe treat them to one nice meal out on you all with just them two? I would try to accommodate if I can.

Either take care of your kids by yourself on the trip, or let nanny bring her kid and accept you are one big happy family. Just don’t ask her kid to do any work for you or your kids, that’s rude.