Anonymous wrote:I'd stop the divorce proceedings, have the house title changed to you and a trust for the kids (remove him), and have him live in a separate unit downstairs that avoids him having to drive the kids to spend time with them. Once the youngest goes away to college, you can divorce and split the equity in the house and then go your separate ways. You need him to be stable and producing income for your children's sakes.
Anonymous wrote:OP as painful as it would be, finish the basement as a separate apt and have him move in there. It would eliminate driving for him from the equation and be best for the kids. Do not give up the house or the low rate or the school district or proximity to everything. Treat him as you would any other tenant and put a lease in place.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was a criminal defense lawyer for decades ... people's lives never fall apart in a vacuum. First, they lose their job, then they turn to stupid things like drugs, then they lose their partner, then their family can't stand them, then they sell drugs to buy drugs to forget about their problems. It's a terrible thing and often could have been avoided had someone looked past their failures and stood with them.
Could have been avoided if the DH had kept his d!ck in his pants
But he did? Sounds like he was having an emotional affair maybe, but it was only via text.
So that magically makes everything better?![]()
I didn't say that. The PP said everything could have been avoided if he didn't sleep with someone else, but that doesn't seem to be the problem here.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It seems insane to me that courts wouldn't take a DUI into consideration for custody. That is dangerous behavior, shows that he is incapable of being responsible for himself, let alone children.
They also don't take DV into consideration...so is it really that shocking?
For both drinking and DV they will if it's bad enough and there's evidence.
That's where court mandated use of something like BACTrac (and Intoxaloc) comes into play. If the issue spirals then OP has evidence and can go back to court to protect her family as needed.
It's miserable to have to think like this, but important.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was a criminal defense lawyer for decades ... people's lives never fall apart in a vacuum. First, they lose their job, then they turn to stupid things like drugs, then they lose their partner, then their family can't stand them, then they sell drugs to buy drugs to forget about their problems. It's a terrible thing and often could have been avoided had someone looked past their failures and stood with them.
Could have been avoided if the DH had kept his d!ck in his pants
But he did? Sounds like he was having an emotional affair maybe, but it was only via text.
So that magically makes everything better?![]()
I didn't say that. The PP said everything could have been avoided if he didn't sleep with someone else, but that doesn't seem to be the problem here.
Anonymous wrote:OP I don't know what you should do, but I wanted to be the contrary voice here and advice you to not do some scorched earth moves. Like it or not, he is the father of your children, and it is in both their and your interest that your husband do well in life and that you guys can have a good working relationship in the future. Even though he is at fault for everything up until now, it is still a lot for him to go through and it will/has taken its toll on him. Protect yourself but don't kick him while he is down, and see if you have it within you to be as supportive as you can be (while putting legal protections in place). Only you will know where that line is.
No one should ever try to push someone else more than they need to. People can really spiral and we have all heard of the horrible stories that come from that. I just read the story of the Decker girls, and maybe this is going on a tangent but omg you really never know what someone desperate is capable of doing.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was a criminal defense lawyer for decades ... people's lives never fall apart in a vacuum. First, they lose their job, then they turn to stupid things like drugs, then they lose their partner, then their family can't stand them, then they sell drugs to buy drugs to forget about their problems. It's a terrible thing and often could have been avoided had someone looked past their failures and stood with them.
Could have been avoided if the DH had kept his d!ck in his pants
But he did? Sounds like he was having an emotional affair maybe, but it was only via text.
So that magically makes everything better?![]()
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It seems insane to me that courts wouldn't take a DUI into consideration for custody. That is dangerous behavior, shows that he is incapable of being responsible for himself, let alone children.
They also don't take DV into consideration...so is it really that shocking?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Believe it or not parents have raised kids in apartments and without a car. Posters thinking that the court will automatically give OP 100% custody because kids will ‘rot’ if they have to stay in an apartment is nonsense. Many parent use public transportation / ride shares and live with their kids in apartments. Those things don’t make someone a horrible person who should not have children. Thinking the courts will take into account your opinion that you are too good for apartments or ride shares isn’t going to fly.
Your issue should be the DUI, not needing your smelling neg salts over apartments and ride shares
Yeah, this is how the majority of kids in NYC (yes, even UMC kids!) live.