Anonymous wrote:By reading the responses from women here maybe I should an affair too. Geez all it takes is therapy and marriage counseling for you guys to forgive..nice!

+1000

Does your husband know that you are aware of his emotional affair OP??

OP my dear friend had an emotional affair 20 years ago with a married colleague. It turned into a 2 year physical affair. I disapproved but kept my mouth shut. I believe they were deeply infatuated and maybe even in love (she called him her soul mate). This is what the wife did, which worked: she put the affair out in the open. Got their pastor to talk to him. Got her mother in law to talk to him. Got his brother to talk to him. Lots of mini-interventions from people in his orbit. It worked. They are still married. My friend was dropped and never married. Good luck to you.

By reading the responses from women here maybe I should an affair too. Geez all it takes is therapy and marriage counseling for you guys to forgive..nice!

I hope you're right for OP's sake.

Considering it's only a couple weeks, and she is already "overt" this doesn't sound like an EA--it sounds like it could just be flirting without the emotional components of an EA

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Then I got nervous because he is making an effort and set up a date night and we are doing counseling of sorts and he is talking about trips we have later this year. I wonder if he's buying time so he can figure her out. He just met her a few weeks ago.

How do you know all of this? If this was happening with DH I would have no clue and would have no idea where to start finding information out. How did you even find her name?

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. Then I got nervous because he is making an effort and set up a date night and we are doing counseling of sorts and he is talking about trips we have later this year. I wonder if he's buying time so he can figure her out. He just met her a few weeks ago.

why are you going on trips if your finances are shot?

Trip is cheaper than therapy bills and divorce.

EVERYTHING is cheaper than a divorce.
Keep working on your marriage and get therapy and as much help from others as possible- Church groups, male relatives, etc. Affairs thrive in secret. He needs help to pull him away from his worst impulses, otherwise he will begin making you the villain and sabotaging your marriage.
I say this all as a woman whose marriage didn’t survive the emotional/physical affair

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Anonymous wrote:We are in early 50's and married 23 years. Things have been very rocky for awhile. This was a huge wake up call and I'm terrified of things ending and frankly at the same time disgusted by it all. Empty nest soon. Any advice on strategy as far as trying to nip in the bud? I feel like trying to forbid makes it more enticing. We are working on the marriage too but haven't openly discussed it all. Have discussed a little. I think we are both unsure what the future holds so trying to see how it all pans out.

He is not having an emotional affair women do that.

Texting pics phone calls etc. she's not local.

She is capable of travel, right? Is your husband glued to your side 24/7?

No she can travel so it could turn physical soon. I get it

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Anonymous wrote:We are in early 50's and married 23 years. Things have been very rocky for awhile. This was a huge wake up call and I'm terrified of things ending and frankly at the same time disgusted by it all. Empty nest soon. Any advice on strategy as far as trying to nip in the bud? I feel like trying to forbid makes it more enticing. We are working on the marriage too but haven't openly discussed it all. Have discussed a little. I think we are both unsure what the future holds so trying to see how it all pans out.

He is not having an emotional affair women do that.

Texting pics phone calls etc. she's not local.

She is capable of travel, right? Is your husband glued to your side 24/7?

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Anonymous wrote:We are in early 50's and married 23 years. Things have been very rocky for awhile. This was a huge wake up call and I'm terrified of things ending and frankly at the same time disgusted by it all. Empty nest soon. Any advice on strategy as far as trying to nip in the bud? I feel like trying to forbid makes it more enticing. We are working on the marriage too but haven't openly discussed it all. Have discussed a little. I think we are both unsure what the future holds so trying to see how it all pans out.

He is not having an emotional affair women do that.

Texting pics phone calls etc. she's not local.

Anonymous wrote:We are in early 50's and married 23 years. Things have been very rocky for awhile. This was a huge wake up call and I'm terrified of things ending and frankly at the same time disgusted by it all. Empty nest soon. Any advice on strategy as far as trying to nip in the bud? I feel like trying to forbid makes it more enticing. We are working on the marriage too but haven't openly discussed it all. Have discussed a little. I think we are both unsure what the future holds so trying to see how it all pans out.

He is not having an emotional affair women do that.

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Anonymous wrote:OP is not a complete moron. This is hard. The problems are real but she might be able to work things out if H and W both up their communication game.

She thinks a trip is better than therapy. Thinks being poor means he won't divorce her. Thinks because the other woman is trashy that she's better than her so....her husband won't leave her? Not sure why it matter if the OW is trashy or not.

OW is obviously hot. The DH wouldn’t have gone after her otherwise. Calling her trashy just makes OP look jealous.

I am jealous genius! So what? If I wasn't, why would I be posting?

Yeah, but you’re going to look silly and obvious if you badmouth her to your husband.

What do you mean obvious? How's it silly to be jealous? And what would I say instead to convey my feelings about it?

Look, the woman has every right to post what she wants on her own social media. If your husband chooses to partake that’s an active choice he’s making. I’m going to humor you on the off chance you’re not trolling. Address this factually with him without name-calling.

Is it ok if I cry? I'm feeling super fragile.

Crying means you're being honest about how you feel. Anyone who can't honor that doesn't deserve a relationship with you.

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Anonymous wrote:OP is not a complete moron. This is hard. The problems are real but she might be able to work things out if H and W both up their communication game.

She thinks a trip is better than therapy. Thinks being poor means he won't divorce her. Thinks because the other woman is trashy that she's better than her so....her husband won't leave her? Not sure why it matter if the OW is trashy or not.

OW is obviously hot. The DH wouldn’t have gone after her otherwise. Calling her trashy just makes OP look jealous.

I am jealous genius! So what? If I wasn't, why would I be posting?

Yeah, but you’re going to look silly and obvious if you badmouth her to your husband.

What do you mean obvious? How's it silly to be jealous? And what would I say instead to convey my feelings about it?

Look, the woman has every right to post what she wants on her own social media. If your husband chooses to partake that’s an active choice he’s making. I’m going to humor you on the off chance you’re not trolling. Address this factually with him without name-calling.

Is it ok if I cry? I'm feeling super fragile.

NP. Of course. Why wouldn't you? It's a tough spot to be in.

You (assuming you are OP) posted a few pages back that you're barely eating. My DH had an EA two years ago that blew up into a sort of mental health crisis for him. I lost 25 lbs--and I didn't have more than 5-10lbs to lose. I get it.
We're in a better place than before, he got therapy and we did marriage counseling. If your DH is willing to work on things, you can get through this.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not a complete moron. This is hard. The problems are real but she might be able to work things out if H and W both up their communication game.

She thinks a trip is better than therapy. Thinks being poor means he won't divorce her. Thinks because the other woman is trashy that she's better than her so....her husband won't leave her? Not sure why it matter if the OW is trashy or not.

OW is obviously hot. The DH wouldn’t have gone after her otherwise. Calling her trashy just makes OP look jealous.

I am jealous genius! So what? If I wasn't, why would I be posting?

Yeah, but you’re going to look silly and obvious if you badmouth her to your husband.

What do you mean obvious? How's it silly to be jealous? And what would I say instead to convey my feelings about it?

Look, the woman has every right to post what she wants on her own social media. If your husband chooses to partake that’s an active choice he’s making. I’m going to humor you on the off chance you’re not trolling. Address this factually with him without name-calling.

Is it ok if I cry? I'm feeling super fragile.