Anonymous wrote:I am not a parent but mentor a family. Through an activity I take one of the kids to, he has been invited to a birthday party. Birthday invite says "no gifts, please." Do we follow this? Bring a gift anyway (and if so, ideas? I had been thinking about a card game like uno or taco cat goat cheese pizza, plus some candy or Takis or something)? Still bring a card? Birthday kid is early elementary and is dcum middle class (lives in mostly gentrified DC neighborhood). I want the kid we mentor to fit in as much as possible!

Anonymous wrote:No gifts is just social posturing. It’s a way to say we are so rich that there is nothing you could give us that we would ever want or use. Our kids already have everything or only like gifts that are far above what you could give at a party. We mostly just roll our eyes and decline no gift parties. They are usually also the ones where parents are spending thousands on the party to show how rich they are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No gifts is just social posturing. It’s a way to say we are so rich that there is nothing you could give us that we would ever want or use. Our kids already have everything or only like gifts that are far above what you could give at a party. We mostly just roll our eyes and decline no gift parties. They are usually also the ones where parents are spending thousands on the party to show how rich they are.

It’s a blessing to these families that you declined. Based on your take on why you think people insist on ‘no-gift’, you’re the one projecting your insecurities or jealousies.

We’re not rich and it would be apparent to anyone we are posers if we tried to pretend be. We insist on no gifts because we truly want our child’s friends to attend regardless of their families’ financial circumstances, their presence is the gift. Why is that so hard for people to comprehend?

If you absolutely have to provide a gift, then have your child give a small gift after the party. As nice as the gifts may be, my child will remember the party many years from now and not the gifts.

Anonymous wrote:No gifts is just social posturing. It’s a way to say we are so rich that there is nothing you could give us that we would ever want or use. Our kids already have everything or only like gifts that are far above what you could give at a party. We mostly just roll our eyes and decline no gift parties. They are usually also the ones where parents are spending thousands on the party to show how rich they are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a handmade card. No cash.

I’m often offended when people write no gifts. Sometimes it’s because they really have too much stuff. But often times is that they’re too brownnosed to accept your meager gift of what they think is junk. Even worse if they ask to donate to a charity. You invite me. I decide if I want to bring a gift and what I choose to gift. Besides it’s your child’s birthday, not the parents. Sometimes I feel bad for these kids who get no gifts.

I have a relative who told me they do no gifts because they only like their kids to have certain types of toys. OK!

And I still think that's fine, as long as they aren't writing that on the invitation! If the gifts won't be played with, fine by me if the hosts simply write "no gifts." It makes it easier for everyone. I am happy to just show up with a card and let my kid enjoy the party.

But everyone knows those same kids that only have wooden, made in the US , Montessori approved toys...LOVE to play with our assortment of whatever the kids are into..regardless of what the parents want/think.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It absolutely means no gifts of any kind. I appreciate so much that you want to help them navigate the right way. But I am always surprised when people ask this. Would it be a trick? If people wanted gifts, why would they write no gifts? There is no other way to interpret it!

There are so many tricks when navigating social situations. So many times that people say something is optional when it's really expected.

Totally agree!!

And in some circles "casual" is not casual. Rather it means summer dresses for females, Chino shorts and polos for men. In other words don't turn up in shorts and a cute top if you're a woman - you'll be underdressed - and never wear athletic shoes!

Anonymous wrote:Grow up

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a handmade card. No cash.

I’m often offended when people write no gifts. Sometimes it’s because they really have too much stuff. But often times is that they’re too brownnosed to accept your meager gift of what they think is junk. Even worse if they ask to donate to a charity. You invite me. I decide if I want to bring a gift and what I choose to gift. Besides it’s your child’s birthday, not the parents. Sometimes I feel bad for these kids who get no gifts.

I have a relative who told me they do no gifts because they only like their kids to have certain types of toys. OK!

And I still think that's fine, as long as they aren't writing that on the invitation! If the gifts won't be played with, fine by me if the hosts simply write "no gifts." It makes it easier for everyone. I am happy to just show up with a card and let my kid enjoy the party.

But everyone knows those same kids that only have wooden, made in the US , Montessori approved toys...LOVE to play with our assortment of whatever the kids are into..regardless of what the parents want/think.

Even if that were true, does that mean mass production of cheap plastic toys is a good thing for the planet?