Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an involved husband and a nanny 50 hours per week.

+1 Three adults needed for 2 kids, particularly when they're small.

+2. That's how I did it. Nanny, involved husband.

+3 - involved husband who shares equal responsibility for kids and running the house + a full-time nanny.

I accept that I will never get to the bottom of my inbox and I delegate as much as I can.

Anonymous wrote:I started my own company so now while I still work really hard managing the business, I also have people working for me and I 100% set my own schedule. This has been the key. I can set calls whenever I want and have complete flexibility to travel on my own schedule. I'll probably personally clear around $3M this year before taxes. Husband also has a very demanding job too

In terms of how I have our life run: I have a twice a week housekeeper who does all of our laundry in addition to cleaning and an afternoon sitter who works 2-6 daily and does a lot of the kid driving. I'd like to add some sort of chef meal service this year, but haven't gotten around to it.

Just find a full time housekeeper who cooks and cleans (ie add a day or two for those responsibilities).

I started my own company so now while I still work really hard managing the business, I also have people working for me and I 100% set my own schedule. This has been the key. I can set calls whenever I want and have complete flexibility to travel on my own schedule. I'll probably personally clear around $3M this year before taxes. Husband also has a very demanding job too

In terms of how I have our life run: I have a twice a week housekeeper who does all of our laundry in addition to cleaning and an afternoon sitter who works 2-6 daily and does a lot of the kid driving. I'd like to add some sort of chef meal service this year, but haven't gotten around to it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

When your DS was in ES, what did he do all afternoon/evening while you worked until 7? Aftercare?

Dh also works remotely. Ds is also somewhat solitary and has always liked his alone time. So a combo of maybe I would spend 15 mins with him of quality hanging out, maybe Dh would. By 6, maybe he’d watch an hour of tv. I have also always attempted to keep zoom calls to a minimum after school - both because it gives me a clear schedule to actually get work done and so I can be around for ds. So when he was younger I’d typically sit on the couch with him while I was working and he was doing something like building legos. We’d talk, I’d work, he’d do his own quiet thing. I dunno, it’s hard to remember back but obviously I managed to do okay at the work part, and ds always thought we were around all the time so I think we succeeded on that side too. Again, one kid is just not that hard.

It also sounds like he wasn’t in a lot of activities or running around at the playground or doing play dates after school, all of which it seems was personality driven. He needed some time to reset and enjoyed playing by himself.

Yeah, I'm glad you found set ups throughout the different stages that met everyone's needs, but there is no way that would be nearly enough for my two ES DDs. I WFH and flex my hours so I'm done at 3. I pick them up from ES at 3:20 and some days I drive them to activities (between the two of them they do dance, theatre, soccer, and softball -- not all at once, in different seasons). If they don't have activities, I try to host playdates or arrange meet ups at playgrounds or in the neighborhood. I've gotten to know their friends and their friends' families well, which I love. If it's just us, we probably go for a walk or bike ride. They also relax some with toys or read. I do some academic enrichment most days with my younger one. My older one loves to cook and we blast music and cook together most nights. They never ever would have been content to just chill out with some toys and screens and no friend time or physical activity on the couch every afternoon for hours for all six years of ES. If I couldn't have been home I would have gotten an afternoon sitter to watch them and do the driving or put them in aftercare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

When your DS was in ES, what did he do all afternoon/evening while you worked until 7? Aftercare?

Dh also works remotely. Ds is also somewhat solitary and has always liked his alone time. So a combo of maybe I would spend 15 mins with him of quality hanging out, maybe Dh would. By 6, maybe he’d watch an hour of tv. I have also always attempted to keep zoom calls to a minimum after school - both because it gives me a clear schedule to actually get work done and so I can be around for ds. So when he was younger I’d typically sit on the couch with him while I was working and he was doing something like building legos. We’d talk, I’d work, he’d do his own quiet thing. I dunno, it’s hard to remember back but obviously I managed to do okay at the work part, and ds always thought we were around all the time so I think we succeeded on that side too. Again, one kid is just not that hard.

It also sounds like he wasn’t in a lot of activities or running around at the playground or doing play dates after school, all of which it seems was personality driven. He needed some time to reset and enjoyed playing by himself.

I'm a lawyer but I work remotely and didn't pick things like partner track. But honestly probably would have made the same choice if I wasn't a parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

When your DS was in ES, what did he do all afternoon/evening while you worked until 7? Aftercare?

Dh also works remotely. Ds is also somewhat solitary and has always liked his alone time. So a combo of maybe I would spend 15 mins with him of quality hanging out, maybe Dh would. By 6, maybe he’d watch an hour of tv. I have also always attempted to keep zoom calls to a minimum after school - both because it gives me a clear schedule to actually get work done and so I can be around for ds. So when he was younger I’d typically sit on the couch with him while I was working and he was doing something like building legos. We’d talk, I’d work, he’d do his own quiet thing. I dunno, it’s hard to remember back but obviously I managed to do okay at the work part, and ds always thought we were around all the time so I think we succeeded on that side too. Again, one kid is just not that hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

I think this is a troll. My DD is in middle school and there is not one single parent at the bus stop. Why do you need to go to your middle schooler's bus stop with him?

Weird thing to call troll on. I'm the PP; Ds's bus stop is across a commercial 6-lane road where the speed is typically around 55mph and doesn't have a reliable crosswalk. We used to walk to the stop together when he was in ES, but even i found it stressful - the noise, the speed, some days the crosswalk didn't come on because it got triggered by an ambulance, etc. There are about 20 kids at this stop ranging from grades 2 to 8 and precisely one kid walks to/from the stop. Everyone else (rightly) is in cars.

It's all so different where I live. Our middle school bus comes almost a full hour earlier than the ES bus - so all the grades would not be at the stop together like you describe. There are no parents at the MS time, and tons of parents at the ES time. Stop is a short walk away in the neighborhood. It was glorious once I no longer had to go to the bus stop, ha! If I had to get in a car anyways, I'd just drive my kid on to school and let them sleep later, I think.

Anyways, good for you that you can make $1.5 mill and work entirely from home! No client meetings, court appearances, nothing??? I see you were PT (30 hours) before your kid was school age. I assume you did need some childcare. What did you do during those years?

Almost all client meetings are by zoom. Once or twice a month I may go in person to a client meeting, which I do same day or maybe an overnight or two. Like next week I have to be on a panel in another state; I’m leaving the house at 4am and returning at 11pm. I do not like those days but a crazy long day like that is once every few months. I’ll take that over commuting every day!

For the early years I took an extended mat leave (9 months) then had a nanny for 2 years for 30 hours a week. Then ds went to preschool for 3 years starting age 3. I used to pick him up for the early option (3:30) because of his SN and he didn’t do great in a preschool setting. But he was old enough and an only child that we wanted him to spend time with other kids.

Anonymous wrote:If you’re a mom and you are very successful and driven at work, can you talk about how you balance your career and your kids?

Fancy-ish job making $450K at 37. Remote with hours skewed to one part of the day. I do drop offs, volunteer, brought one of my three children to every speech appointment for the five months she needed a speech intervention, bring my kids to all their doctors appointments etc. I love the company I work for and the work that I do. My husband also has a high paying job, with more long term upside with salary (my salary will probably be capped at $650K if I stay at my company) but he is out of the house 60 hours a week between Monday and Friday. However, he is very hands on and flexible at night and on the weekends and will stay home and help a few times a month if needed. Nanny 45 hours a week before kids are in half day preschool M-F and then part time once they are in school, so that afternoon driving is covered. I also have my kids in the same activities or at practices in the same complex/area at the same time so that driving is manageable for our nanny.

Anonymous wrote:There is no balance. No nanny. Parents each shift their work hours, one parent goes in early and the other parent goes in later.

One parent goes to work very early and later handles children's pickup from school, tennis lessons, supervising homework, and organizing dinner. 2nd parent handles children's breakfast, packing backpacks with school papers, making sure kids have appropriate jackets, and getting kids dropped off at school. The 2nd parent works later hours. It helps that the school has an integrated hot lunch for all students, faculty, and staff. So no lunch boxes.

The School's teacher work days are a huge pain. One parent stays home and tries to both work and child care. Usually, that parent will also need to work some nights to keep on top of their workplace deliverables.

This assumes one or both parents can even flex their schedules. If your husband worked a very demanding job, he couldn’t simply go in early and end late.

There is no balance. No nanny. Parents each shift their work hours, one parent goes in early and the other parent goes in later.

One parent goes to work very early and later handles children's pickup from school, tennis lessons, supervising homework, and organizing dinner. 2nd parent handles children's breakfast, packing backpacks with school papers, making sure kids have appropriate jackets, and getting kids dropped off at school. The 2nd parent works later hours. It helps that the school has an integrated hot lunch for all students, faculty, and staff. So no lunch boxes.

The School's teacher work days are a huge pain. One parent stays home and tries to both work and child care. Usually, that parent will also need to work some nights to keep on top of their workplace deliverables.

I know several very successful moms well and they don’t do it all. My sister is one of them and she is a great parent, but she misses a lot of what she considers to be lower priority things. Her husband is also successful. They value quality time over quantity of time, and outsource a lot of- full time housekeeper cleans and cooks, groceries are delivered. Our parents take the kids to most of their appointments. The teenage kids uber to school if they miss the bus. If there is an important corporate offsite during a kids birthday, she has to miss a birthday. My sister is still super busy with them, and they are all great kids. But she does not do it all - she outsources the menial tasks, delegates the low propriety things to a family member and prioritizes the important things for herself. And even with all of that, she misses stuff.

My other close friend is similar but kids are younger. They have a nanny working 60+ hours a week and the kids watch a lot of YouTube.

But they both have a lot of money and a comfortable life, so, tradeoffs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

When your DS was in ES, what did he do all afternoon/evening while you worked until 7? Aftercare?

Anonymous wrote:Always so many women on these threads who quit their jobs but are quick to claim that the -only- way women can have successful jobs is either to be miserable, have cheating spouses, or an emasculated, universally disrespected stay at home husband. Even though there are always a series of posts from women who say they are successful, happy, and happily married. I assume these women are projecting because they need to justify why they quit their jobs.

I do not think women need to quit their jobs at all. My husband makes millions and does not have a reliable schedule. For our family, it made sense for me to stop working. When roles are reversed, society doesn’t accept this dynamic as well. In my experience, the uber successful women still do a lot of the mental load even if she is the breadwinner.

We also know some power couples who outsource a ton. One couple we knew had six nannies. Other families may have a live in nanny plus another full time nanny and driver. Some have grandparents helping plus an au pair. Of course it is doable and families can make it work. I used to have a FT nanny, cook, tutor, driver, housekeeper and it wasn’t enough. It was tiring managing all these people and I had to do that even though I also had a demanding job. I didn’t see my kids enough. I and my kids are much happier now that I’m home with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

I think this is a troll. My DD is in middle school and there is not one single parent at the bus stop. Why do you need to go to your middle schooler's bus stop with him?

Weird thing to call troll on. I'm the PP; Ds's bus stop is across a commercial 6-lane road where the speed is typically around 55mph and doesn't have a reliable crosswalk. We used to walk to the stop together when he was in ES, but even i found it stressful - the noise, the speed, some days the crosswalk didn't come on because it got triggered by an ambulance, etc. There are about 20 kids at this stop ranging from grades 2 to 8 and precisely one kid walks to/from the stop. Everyone else (rightly) is in cars.

It's all so different where I live. Our middle school bus comes almost a full hour earlier than the ES bus - so all the grades would not be at the stop together like you describe. There are no parents at the MS time, and tons of parents at the ES time. Stop is a short walk away in the neighborhood. It was glorious once I no longer had to go to the bus stop, ha! If I had to get in a car anyways, I'd just drive my kid on to school and let them sleep later, I think.

Anyways, good for you that you can make $1.5 mill and work entirely from home! No client meetings, court appearances, nothing??? I see you were PT (30 hours) before your kid was school age. I assume you did need some childcare. What did you do during those years?