Anonymous wrote:Who goes home and forgets their kid in the car for several hours?

I used to live in that area until last year. Many homes have multiple residents across different generations and childcare is often patched together among friends and family members in loose arrangements. It’s not improbable for miscommunications to happen.

The prototype alarm-reminder device mentioned in the Weingarten article seems a good protection for reminding parents of a baby in the backseat. Is there anything similar commercially available now? I'd gift it at baby showers!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who goes home and forgets their kid in the car for several hours?

Men.

This is exclusively a men problem. Women do not do this, at all, ever.

This was sarcasm? Right? Because

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/nebraska-woman-arrested-death-5-year-old-was-left-alone-car-hours-rcna161549

https://abcnews.go.com/US/mother-arrested-texas-after-baby-dies-hot-car/story?id=113017274

https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/local-news/i-team-investigates/trial-begins-monday-for-woman-who-left-7-month-old-granddaughter-in-hot-car

https://abc7.com/post/3-year-old-girl-dies-possible-heat-stroke-after-found-car-unconscious-mother-anaheim/15282165/

https://abcnews.go.com/US/charlotte-north-carolina-hot-car-death-charges/story?id=111521929

https://people.com/girl-dies-hot-car-mom-allegedly-says-called-into-work-police-8696615

https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/02/us/new-york-hot-car-child-death-suffolk-county

I agree it's not only men but many of those you posted are not the primary parent. Quite a few foster moms and grandmothers in there. And WTH is that one about an 8 year old. How is an 8 year old trapped in a car???!?

And quite a few were the mothers of these children. I wonder why some women are so invested in believing this could never happen to them or another mother.

It could and does happen to mothers. But not mothers who are the primary default parent. They don’t forget they have the kids - they always have the kids. For me it felt weird to drive to the grocery store and NOT have a kid. They were always with me.

When you read the stories you can always point to a lapse in judgement, a non primary parent, a deviation in routine, or an outright neglectful parent on occasion. It still doesn’t just randomly happen.

It happens to people who are outside of their routine. Primary default parents can also be outside of their routine. I posted above, that I did the reverse, driving to my kids' school, parking getting out, walking in to find the door locked, panicking and then remembering it was the first day of spring break and the kids were with grandma. I was definitely the primary default parent, that doesn't mean that I didn't have routines that could change.

And some of us are telling we’ve never done something like that, not even once, even if nothing bad happened. I never subconsciously thought my kids were somewhere else when I had them. Ever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who goes home and forgets their kid in the car for several hours?

It sounds to me like you have not read “Fatal Distraction.” It won Gene Weingarten a Pulitzer. Once you read it, you won’t forget it.

https://mitchellhamline.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2012/01/Fatal-Distraction.pdf

+1
Yes. It could happen to you. That piece is so moving and should be required reading for everyone.

Nope. I am 100% certain it could never happen to me. Ever. You don’t just forget a child.

Honestly I think having the thought that it COULD be you makes you safer. I will never take it for granted, particularly those days when I didn't get enough sleep and I'm zonked out.

This is true. The overconfident narcissistic idiots are the biggest risk.

No we’re really not. I managed to raise my kids and never once did I forget them.

I managed to raise my kids and never once was in an accident and yet I used car seats and seatbelts because I realize luck played a role.

Leaving you child in a car has nothing to do with luck. You’re a horrible human.

I'm a horrible human because I protect my children, and you're a good human because you play roulette with their lives?

If you leave your kid in the car yes you’re a horrible human.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who goes home and forgets their kid in the car for several hours?

It sounds to me like you have not read “Fatal Distraction.” It won Gene Weingarten a Pulitzer. Once you read it, you won’t forget it.

https://mitchellhamline.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2012/01/Fatal-Distraction.pdf

+1
Yes. It could happen to you. That piece is so moving and should be required reading for everyone.

Nope. I am 100% certain it could never happen to me. Ever. You don’t just forget a child.

Honestly I think having the thought that it COULD be you makes you safer. I will never take it for granted, particularly those days when I didn't get enough sleep and I'm zonked out.

This is true. The overconfident narcissistic idiots are the biggest risk.

No we’re really not. I managed to raise my kids and never once did I forget them.

I managed to raise my kids and never once was in an accident and yet I used car seats and seatbelts because I realize luck played a role.

Leaving you child in a car has nothing to do with luck. You’re a horrible human.

I'm a horrible human because I protect my children, and you're a good human because you play roulette with their lives?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who goes home and forgets their kid in the car for several hours?

It sounds to me like you have not read “Fatal Distraction.” It won Gene Weingarten a Pulitzer. Once you read it, you won’t forget it.

https://mitchellhamline.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2012/01/Fatal-Distraction.pdf

+1
Yes. It could happen to you. That piece is so moving and should be required reading for everyone.

Nope. I am 100% certain it could never happen to me. Ever. You don’t just forget a child.

Honestly I think having the thought that it COULD be you makes you safer. I will never take it for granted, particularly those days when I didn't get enough sleep and I'm zonked out.

This is true. The overconfident narcissistic idiots are the biggest risk.

No we’re really not. I managed to raise my kids and never once did I forget them.

I managed to raise my kids and never once was in an accident and yet I used car seats and seatbelts because I realize luck played a role.

Leaving you child in a car has nothing to do with luck. You’re a horrible human.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who goes home and forgets their kid in the car for several hours?

Men.

This is exclusively a men problem. Women do not do this, at all, ever.

This was sarcasm? Right? Because

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/nebraska-woman-arrested-death-5-year-old-was-left-alone-car-hours-rcna161549

https://abcnews.go.com/US/mother-arrested-texas-after-baby-dies-hot-car/story?id=113017274

https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/local-news/i-team-investigates/trial-begins-monday-for-woman-who-left-7-month-old-granddaughter-in-hot-car

https://abc7.com/post/3-year-old-girl-dies-possible-heat-stroke-after-found-car-unconscious-mother-anaheim/15282165/

https://abcnews.go.com/US/charlotte-north-carolina-hot-car-death-charges/story?id=111521929

https://people.com/girl-dies-hot-car-mom-allegedly-says-called-into-work-police-8696615

https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/02/us/new-york-hot-car-child-death-suffolk-county

I agree it's not only men but many of those you posted are not the primary parent. Quite a few foster moms and grandmothers in there. And WTH is that one about an 8 year old. How is an 8 year old trapped in a car???!?

And quite a few were the mothers of these children. I wonder why some women are so invested in believing this could never happen to them or another mother.

It could and does happen to mothers. But not mothers who are the primary default parent. They don’t forget they have the kids - they always have the kids. For me it felt weird to drive to the grocery store and NOT have a kid. They were always with me.

When you read the stories you can always point to a lapse in judgement, a non primary parent, a deviation in routine, or an outright neglectful parent on occasion. It still doesn’t just randomly happen.

It happens to people who are outside of their routine. Primary default parents can also be outside of their routine. I posted above, that I did the reverse, driving to my kids' school, parking getting out, walking in to find the door locked, panicking and then remembering it was the first day of spring break and the kids were with grandma. I was definitely the primary default parent, that doesn't mean that I didn't have routines that could change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who goes home and forgets their kid in the car for several hours?

Men.

This is exclusively a men problem. Women do not do this, at all, ever.

This was sarcasm? Right? Because

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/nebraska-woman-arrested-death-5-year-old-was-left-alone-car-hours-rcna161549

https://abcnews.go.com/US/mother-arrested-texas-after-baby-dies-hot-car/story?id=113017274

https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/local-news/i-team-investigates/trial-begins-monday-for-woman-who-left-7-month-old-granddaughter-in-hot-car

https://abc7.com/post/3-year-old-girl-dies-possible-heat-stroke-after-found-car-unconscious-mother-anaheim/15282165/

https://abcnews.go.com/US/charlotte-north-carolina-hot-car-death-charges/story?id=111521929

https://people.com/girl-dies-hot-car-mom-allegedly-says-called-into-work-police-8696615

https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/02/us/new-york-hot-car-child-death-suffolk-county

I agree it's not only men but many of those you posted are not the primary parent. Quite a few foster moms and grandmothers in there. And WTH is that one about an 8 year old. How is an 8 year old trapped in a car???!?

And quite a few were the mothers of these children. I wonder why some women are so invested in believing this could never happen to them or another mother.

It could and does happen to mothers. But not mothers who are the primary default parent. They don’t forget they have the kids - they always have the kids. For me it felt weird to drive to the grocery store and NOT have a kid. They were always with me.

When you read the stories you can always point to a lapse in judgement, a non primary parent, a deviation in routine, or an outright neglectful parent on occasion. It still doesn’t just randomly happen.

Data also does not support this claim, proving the PP’s point about denial.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who goes home and forgets their kid in the car for several hours?

It sounds to me like you have not read “Fatal Distraction.” It won Gene Weingarten a Pulitzer. Once you read it, you won’t forget it.

https://mitchellhamline.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2012/01/Fatal-Distraction.pdf

Unforgettable article. Thank you for sharing it.

I mean, whether you buy his theory or not (and I’m not sure I do) it doesn’t appear to have helped much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who goes home and forgets their kid in the car for several hours?

It sounds to me like you have not read “Fatal Distraction.” It won Gene Weingarten a Pulitzer. Once you read it, you won’t forget it.

https://mitchellhamline.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2012/01/Fatal-Distraction.pdf

Unforgettable article. Thank you for sharing it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who goes home and forgets their kid in the car for several hours?

Men.

This is exclusively a men problem. Women do not do this, at all, ever.

This was sarcasm? Right? Because

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/nebraska-woman-arrested-death-5-year-old-was-left-alone-car-hours-rcna161549

https://abcnews.go.com/US/mother-arrested-texas-after-baby-dies-hot-car/story?id=113017274

https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/local-news/i-team-investigates/trial-begins-monday-for-woman-who-left-7-month-old-granddaughter-in-hot-car

https://abc7.com/post/3-year-old-girl-dies-possible-heat-stroke-after-found-car-unconscious-mother-anaheim/15282165/

https://abcnews.go.com/US/charlotte-north-carolina-hot-car-death-charges/story?id=111521929

https://people.com/girl-dies-hot-car-mom-allegedly-says-called-into-work-police-8696615

https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/02/us/new-york-hot-car-child-death-suffolk-county

I agree it's not only men but many of those you posted are not the primary parent. Quite a few foster moms and grandmothers in there. And WTH is that one about an 8 year old. How is an 8 year old trapped in a car???!?

And quite a few were the mothers of these children. I wonder why some women are so invested in believing this could never happen to them or another mother.

It could and does happen to mothers. But not mothers who are the primary default parent. They don’t forget they have the kids - they always have the kids. For me it felt weird to drive to the grocery store and NOT have a kid. They were always with me.

When you read the stories you can always point to a lapse in judgement, a non primary parent, a deviation in routine, or an outright neglectful parent on occasion. It still doesn’t just randomly happen.

I started driving to work the other day, when my middle schooler piped up from the back seat. Usually her dad takes her to school. I don’t have adhd or anything else and am a very responsible person. I’d never make it onto a jury in a hot car death case because unless there were circumstances clearly indicating it was intentional, I could never vote to convict someone.

Anonymous wrote:No one ever forgets until the weather gets warm. We never see this in Winter months.

People forget their kids year round. When the weather is colder they come out and find a living child, and it doesn’t make the news.

^ go straight and not turn because that’s the way to my kid’s school and turning is what I do to go to work each morning otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who goes home and forgets their kid in the car for several hours?

It sounds to me like you have not read “Fatal Distraction.” It won Gene Weingarten a Pulitzer. Once you read it, you won’t forget it.

https://mitchellhamline.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2012/01/Fatal-Distraction.pdf

+1
Yes. It could happen to you. That piece is so moving and should be required reading for everyone.

Nope. I am 100% certain it could never happen to me. Ever. You don’t just forget a child.

This can be a very dangerous belief. The brain science is clear that this can happen to the most attentive and loving parents. The right situation and order of events can make this a possibility for almost anyone. Being self-aware enough to realize that it indeed could happen to you might help you put the safeguards in place to reduce the likelihood. By just assuming you could never do this, you might not have the same vigilance. I am a super organized parent but I could still see how in the right scenario, this could be something that tragically could happen to me.

It's almost never the primary/default parent. Almost never.

Correct. That’s why it’s always men doing this. Never women. This is not a parenting problem, this is a men problem. Men simply cannot be trusted around children. None of them. Not even my own sons. Men are either shaking babies to death because they’re mad at them for crying, or forgetting them in a hot car because they had to go play video games or watch pornography, or if the children survive long enough, and have the misfortune of having been born a female in Trump’s American, fathers will start raping their daughters at age 9-10. Men are vile awful creatures.

You have not read the Weingarten article. Yes sometimes (less commonly) it is women too. It is about someone being on auto pilot and just going about their normal day.

As someone who has to say to myself out loud not to turn right into 495 and instead keep going straight even when my teen is in the front seat with me this definitely could have happened to me. We nanny shared though so I did not have daycare drop off duty ever.

The advice about a shoe in the backseat is good but I had not heard of this issue when my kids were little and also thought I could never forget them. They were in elementary I think by the time I read Gene’s article.