Anonymous wrote:Add me to the list of "asexual after 40" (now divorced, not because of sex but it didn't help). I'm pretty sure his new wife isn't putting out much either now they've been married awhile. I think it's just the way we're wired. Most men would tell you men are not wired for monogamy.

When in fact, they are. It is women who get bored. We need variety to maintain interest in sex.

Lord have Mercy. It's no wonder men are having affairs left and right. The number of young women that are repulsed by sex is astounding. Truly a mental health issue pandemic.
I thought my wife was the exception, not the rule. Worked out for both of us though. She got to curl up in bed with a book. I got to experience my dipstick in a wide range of women. Moral of the story. Women don't get to control a man's sex life when they become selfish.

Same situation in our marriage. Am nearing the end of peri and began to tell DH over a year ago I’m not interested, and I will let him know when that changes.

The truth is I doubt my mind is ever going to change and I’m fine with never doing it again.

But he keeps bringing it up!it’s so annoying. How do I get him to stop bring up s*x ?

+1!!

Just found this thread. I am in the middle of negotiating a separation agreement because I felt disgusted by intimacy and I cannot pretend anymore. It didn't help that my husband is verbal abusive, and touched me in my sleep!! I have nightmares after nightmares sleeping next to him. I see no solution. I want to stay marriage because of our kids, but I don't think it is possible. I am depressed!! Apparently in Virginia, even with a separation agreement, sextual relationship outside of marriage is still adultary. Don't know how to move forward.

Anonymous wrote:For the women who felt this way and realized it was being turned off or repulsed by your partner and not your actual drive, how did you figure this out?

This phenomenon (whatever you call it. Does it have a name?), is talked about in the book Come As You Are.

The author, a psychologist and relationship-therapist, describes how frequently married women she’s seen will not have intimacy (or very rare intimacy) with their DH, but yet these same women admit in therapy they “buzz themselves to sleep” almost every night, using a vibrator by themselves.

Anonymous wrote:For the women who felt this way and realized it was being turned off or repulsed by your partner and not your actual drive, how did you figure this out?

Being with someone else and having very high sex drive including wanting to kiss a lot. Not sex drive at all. Relationship with partner had gone way downhill.

For the women who felt this way and realized it was being turned off or repulsed by your partner and not your actual drive, how did you figure this out?

I’m in peri now, with this (somewhat).

Does it get better? If so when ??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not normal please see your OB.

It is absolutely normal!

Totally disagree. Like some women claim it’s absolutely normal to pee when sneezing or exercising. Um, no. We all deserve a high quality of life.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

+1000

It is normal to pee when sneezing after hanging children AND we deserve quality of life


Also, +1 new poster here repulsed by sext married to a phenomenal man

How are you, as a couple, navigating the issue?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not normal please see your OB.

It is absolutely normal!

Totally disagree. Like some women claim it’s absolutely normal to pee when sneezing or exercising. Um, no. We all deserve a high quality of life.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

+1000

It is normal to pee when sneezing after hanging children AND we deserve quality of life


Also, +1 new poster here repulsed by sext married to a phenomenal man

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went for a CO2 laser vag rejuv for vaginal atrophy after menopause and it is a game changer. Took care of all my GSM issues. Of course, this is not available in USA.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37395104/

I’m glad it worked out but I got the same results using an estrogen/test compound cream. It’s gradual but works. After several years on it my specialist says my vaginal tissue looks like a 20 year olds. And sex feels great now.

Thx! Really have to try this. Going to ask during next visit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent a decade with no libido. I love DH, but I had zero sex drive and I was fine with the idea of no sex again.
When I started HRT, my libido came roaring back. It wasn’t immediate- a good few months into HRT.
I had more sex drive than I had in my twenties. It’s calmed down, but still much improved.
So for me, it was all about my hormones

I feel like these discussions often minimize the role hormones play in desire. People often want to assign a moral value to the situation: "she's holding out," "he's not pulling his weight," etc. Often times it's just body chemicals!

+1

Add me to the list of "asexual after 40" (now divorced, not because of sex but it didn't help). I'm pretty sure his new wife isn't putting out much either now they've been married awhile. I think it's just the way we're wired. Most men would tell you men are not wired for monogamy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent a decade with no libido. I love DH, but I had zero sex drive and I was fine with the idea of no sex again.
When I started HRT, my libido came roaring back. It wasn’t immediate- a good few months into HRT.
I had more sex drive than I had in my twenties. It’s calmed down, but still much improved.
So for me, it was all about my hormones

I feel like these discussions often minimize the role hormones play in desire. People often want to assign a moral value to the situation: "she's holding out," "he's not pulling his weight," etc. Often times it's just body chemicals!

This was my ex’s excuse for cheating- hormones and biology etc. what we feel like doing is one thing. We control what we actually do.

Anonymous wrote:I went for a CO2 laser vag rejuv for vaginal atrophy after menopause and it is a game changer. Took care of all my GSM issues. Of course, this is not available in USA.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37395104/

I’m glad it worked out but I got the same results using an estrogen/test compound cream. It’s gradual but works. After several years on it my specialist says my vaginal tissue looks like a 20 year olds. And sex feels great now.