Anonymous wrote:The only way I see that living with someone can be used as a financial lever is if the person is receiving alimony. Most agreements specify that once they are living with someone else or married, the alimony stops. I imagine that this is the sort of thing where the recipient of alimony has to go to court and complain about no longer getting her monthly check. She'd then be at the court's mercy as to whether she has to prove she's not living with someone or if the payer of alimony has to prove that she is cohabitating. Personally, if I were the payer and had enough tidbits of evidence to call it into question, I'd stop paying and wait for her to spend the money on a lawyer to try and enforce the agreement. But then again, I think that alimony is total bullshit, especially when the recipient refused to work while married and won't bother to get a job upon divorce.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is there a way for those of us in this phase to connect? I’d love to have someone in the same situation as me to talk to and strategize with. I’m finding this thread to be really helpful - particularly the specifics about trusts and insurance. I’m not OP, just also about to start divorce proceeding from my philandering husband and worried about how to protect the kids, inheritance, college, etc.
I need something like a seminar or support group hosted by the people posting the specifics of what they negotiated.
Yes!! I would love this. I’m not sure if people who have BTDT are best or if we could crowd source some professionals for a workshop maybe.
Also personally I would appreciate the emotional support. I know there are Internet forums etc but having a smaller community of repeat players would be more helpful.
Anonymous wrote:"This is a really good point. Are most divorce lawyers familiar with this sort of stuff or does it require counsel from a trusts and estates type attorney as well?
I assume however there is no real structure to make the straying husband agree to this, or even if he agrees to ultimately pass on a certain set of funds or percent amount to the original children, nothing prevents him from spending large on him and new wife while still alive?"
Divorce lawyers can be great and some can suck. Best to ask around for recommendations from people who had to use one. Do not every just go with a random person.
Here is what I did:
Required a life insurance policy worth $750K (it's a universal policy with a cash value that he now no longer has to make payments on because the interest it generates covers the amount needed to keep it active) with DC as the beneficiary. That guarantees that DC gets something when his dad dies, regardless of whatever some new wife or her kids do. Life insurance policies pay out to the beneficiary regardless of what a will says.
I required language in his will granting DC some specific assets (all separate property even if he remarries).
I specified exactly how much money he put into the 529 each month until DC reached college age. I set a minimum amount that he had to provide for college even if the stock market didn't do well and the 529 tanked. All of this was in the settlement agreement.
I didn't say anything about how soon he could date, live with, or marry someone new. All I felt made sense to control was the money that my child would have access to.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There is no way I would sign any custody agreement that didn’t forbid partners cohabitating for many years down the road. No way.
You don't have a choice. Believe me I tried. Best judge would do was give a 6 month "waiting period"
Divorce law doesn't care about morals and values and children (except documented abuse)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:PROTECT ASSETS for your children!!!
My friend just divorced wife 2 (who never worked while married and had no kids with him.) Wife 1 (mom of his only kids) failed to do this. In divorce 2, wife 2 took half of his assets and got alimony for 7 years of about 1/3 his gross income. Any inheritance he'd have given to his kids is now gone. Had he put his assets in a trust for them before his 2nd marriage, or required assets like life insurance and 401k to go to his kids in the settlement, he could have left them something. Assume your husband will be an idiot and hand everything over to the AP and any kids he has with her, to your children's detriment, and draft the settlement accordingly.
Why would he agree to restrictions like putting assets in a trust, requiring life insurance after a certain age, or giving 401k to the kids? It's a nice ask, but I don't imagine a divorcing party will agree to restrictions that aren't otherwise required.
Anonymous wrote:Is there a way for those of us in this phase to connect? I’d love to have someone in the same situation as me to talk to and strategize with. I’m finding this thread to be really helpful - particularly the specifics about trusts and insurance. I’m not OP, just also about to start divorce proceeding from my philandering husband and worried about how to protect the kids, inheritance, college, etc.
I need something like a seminar or support group hosted by the people posting the specifics of what they negotiated.