Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex asked for evaluation and it was free through the court. Just got the recommendations. Not in my favor in spite of the fact that evaluator could not observe the kids with ex as kids refused to leave car when I brought him to his house. So now I have to tear apart the report poke holes and show the bias which is doable but will take time and energy. Evaluator also did not put in kids preferences in report. And did not check many things that were verifiable. He just took ex words as truth. Ex said he was a coach for sports and that was a total lie.

I’m sorry, OP. This was a friend’s experience, too. The evaluator took her abusive ex’s word for things and had a ridiculous double standard that was clear to anyone reading the report. It was eye-opening and mindblowing to me.

OP here. Ex asked for evaluation and it was free through the court. Just got the recommendations. Not in my favor in spite of the fact that evaluator could not observe the kids with ex as kids refused to leave car when I brought him to his house. So now I have to tear apart the report poke holes and show the bias which is doable but will take time and energy. Evaluator also did not put in kids preferences in report. And did not check many things that were verifiable. He just took ex words as truth. Ex said he was a coach for sports and that was a total lie.

Anonymous wrote:Judges and lawyers both like custody reports.

1. Judges like or feel ambivalent about litigants seeking professional reports because it keeps the adults out of their court. The person asking for the report pays. It basically keeps you away (and busy) and in someone else’s “court” for a long time. Judges need to triage their heavy civil and criminal docket. A Divorce suit is typically the worst part of their day.

2. Attorneys (both sides) like engaging in reports because they take a long time and the process is naturally confusing. Talking about how you shop or drive is weird AF. For the lawyers, this report means lots of prep and lots of questions. Afterwards, there is built in “lawyer reading and analysis” (2 hours); maybe a lawyer phone call to the evaluator (.5 hr) and of course arguments -lots of arguments - over the content (5-6 hours). This not including prep and time in court.

This is exactly right

Anonymous wrote:It’s a sham. If you can back out of it do it
It’s not necessary. You are already a parent
you are your best witness
Some random person will not get it right

Mine said I was evasive and a liar! Because I thought her questions were inappropriate and I refused to answer them. She wrote that was an indication of insincerity.

Judge ignored it completed. Ex wasted 10K of our money on that. Btw, fast forward and my fam is fine now

What jurisdiction are you? I was in Fairfax VA

NP. This is exactly right. Mine was 12k. A money grab from loser psych who can’t get regular patients. Useless while also being slightly biased (ex has long history of controlling abusive behavior, and the evaluator white washed it).

Back out if you can

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Modification : You are could be … likely to lose

Can’t you think up something you can live with and propose it to him (at least) three weeks before trial ? or even before hand (now)

Court is Lose lose

What if the kids can't live with it? They have seen him be abusive to me. The neither trust nor respect him anymore. They are smart and for the first time living in a peaceful house.

If you don't want him involved, split all assets and debt 50-50 and waive all child support, health insurance, activities and other expenses so that you are the sole parent. You tell the kids in front of him he wants a relationship with them and you don't want him to and YOU are cutting them off. Simple.

Here a universal truth
The more money man invests “the more his heels will be dug in” in the outcome he seeks

You can influence his spend rate

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Modification : You are could be … likely to lose

Can’t you think up something you can live with and propose it to him (at least) three weeks before trial ? or even before hand (now)

Court is Lose lose

What if the kids can't live with it? They have seen him be abusive to me. The neither trust nor respect him anymore. They are smart and for the first time living in a peaceful house.

Look you can’t depend on advice from the internet . at least not much and not alone

If the kids are older - let him have what he wants . Nature finds a way (to quote Michael Criton or Hollywood)

you are likely to LOSE in Court. Lose my dear You don’t “present” super well

Get other advice and talk to people. I already made some suggestions Chat gpt did a good job

Anonymous wrote:Modification : You are could be … likely to lose

Can’t you think up something you can live with and propose it to him (at least) three weeks before trial ? or even before hand (now)

Court is Lose lose

What if the kids can't live with it? They have seen him be abusive to me. The neither trust nor respect him anymore. They are smart and for the first time living in a peaceful house.

over email is fine if you don’t feel comfortable yet

Dear [Ex-Spouse's Name],

I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to take a moment to reach out and share something that has been weighing on me. After reading the custody report, I had a real wake-up call about the situation and the impact it's having on all of us, especially our children.

It made me reflect deeply, and I realize now that it's important to find a solution that works for everyone involved. With that in mind, I’d like to propose that we come to a deal that is fair, cooperative, and in the best interest of our children.

I believe that by having an open discussion over email (or whatever you want) we can reach a resolution that we can both feel good about.

(Apologize or acknowledge in one phrase here)

Please let me know if you’re open to having a conversation about this.

I look forward to hearing back and hope we can move in a positive direction.

Sincerely,
[Your Name]

Modification : You are could be … likely to lose

Can’t you think up something you can live with and propose it to him (at least) three weeks before trial ? or even before hand (now)

Court is Lose lose