Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I don't tell them that they are good-looking or beautiful in a direct way. I will tell them that they are looking very good when they are well dressed or they have made me very proud with their accomplishments. So I praise the effort.

I do tell them that if they were ugly or slow, I would have found it very easy to put them in daycare, not breastfeed them and continue my career. Instead I became a happy SAHM because they were so worth it and such a joy to be with.

Wow! What if one of your beautiful daughters had a child with a facial difference? Gwyneth Paltrow did. What if one of your daughters had a “slow” child? This is so *wildly* ableist, and I’m not sure I’ve ever even used the term before, but it fits. All children are worthy of love.

But, I don't see all children getting love from their parents. In fact, most parents see their children as a burden. People post all the time about how they dislike their kids, their spouse etc.

What do you care what I think about my children. You only care about what I think about yours. And I don't.

Dp. I think a stranger can care but realize we have no power to do anything. Perhaps the pp was hoping for some self reflection so you don't continue? What you are saying is harmful to your children. Don't you care about that?

Anonymous wrote:Or cute? Handsome?

Is this considered negative now?

No, never did because it was something superficial and nothing they did to get it.

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. My girls are gorgeous but I don't want their heads filled with nonsense, walking around the Earth with some bloated sense of self importance. Same for my boys, who are also very handsome. They can decide for themselves what they are. Focus on your schoolwork and being good humans. How about that.

I was told what a beautiful child since my first kids was born. Constant attention from adults and kids about her looks. As she got older people would compliment her personally about her clothes, her hair, her face excessively. It was a little ridiculous. Not so for my other two. My youngest girl got no attention for looks and to be honest she was an average looking child. I tell her she’s beautiful and she actually is growing into her looks. My older daughter has been affected by the focus on her looks and not in a good way.

I use beautiful and handsome aa their main terms of endearment. Now it's just habit, but it started out somewhat intentionally. I grew up constantly criticized for my looks, and I never want them to feel that way.

Anonymous wrote:Yes I shower with compliments. I prob shouldn’t. But I do it in a kind of nonsense way. Hard to explain. Like I don’t sit them down and look into their eyes and say ‘you are a deeply handsome tiny man’. I will squeeze them and say ‘so handsome! Cutest of all squishmallows!’ Writing it out I feel I may present as a crazy person

Silly mom solidarity! My kids (2 & 5, girl & boy) are the most delightful, beautiful creatures in the world to me and are also deeply goofy, high energy and ridiculous. So of course, my compliments are silly, but they know I think they’re gorgeous. (My girl child gets compliments that sometimes border on creepy about how strikingly pretty she is, and I haven’t figured out how I’m going to counter that stranger attention when she’s older though)

I will add to the above, humility is paramount for children. That is why I don't give them physical compliments. You never give a child a complete sense of self esteem. You dangle the carrot and draw it back. Otherwise they will run all over you.

Absolutely not. My girls are gorgeous but I don't want their heads filled with nonsense, walking around the Earth with some bloated sense of self importance. Same for my boys, who are also very handsome. They can decide for themselves what they are. Focus on your schoolwork and being good humans. How about that.

Yes I shower with compliments. I prob shouldn’t. But I do it in a kind of nonsense way. Hard to explain. Like I don’t sit them down and look into their eyes and say ‘you are a deeply handsome tiny man’. I will squeeze them and say ‘so handsome! Cutest of all squishmallows!’ Writing it out I feel I may present as a crazy person

Anonymous wrote:Yes I say they are beautiful and clever and funny and that I love them all the time.

I'm their cheerleader! I don't hyperfixate on bodies, but they are beautiful to me and I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that. It just shouldn't be paired with comments on their body etc.

You are correct. my parents never did. I had a boatload of issues because of it. Better believe I tell them.