Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The crazy thing about this thread to me is that I would never do a lot of the potentially helpful things people mention because it would mean telling someone what happened, and I would never do that. And it's been 40 years. I wonder to what extent we could be divided into two groups - those who can talk about it and those who are too ashamed - and what effect that has on the possibility of moving on.

Why won't you tell someone? Even a therapist? They won't judge you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big hugs to all.

It's mind boggling how much the abuse takes away from a life. I was a ball of anxiety most of my life. Finally, I did a program that addressed hypervigilance, and I saw that was one issue.

Plus, there's so much I didn't learn from parents or anyone else about how to be an adult. I learned these lessons way too late. No one was there to provide me with common sense or suggestions.

Now, my abusive parent is finally too old to refuse medication and is happy as a clam. Meanwhile, I'm left with the wreckage and a damaged sibling who is so hard to deal with (manipulative, screams, lies, accuses my family of stealing, etc) and won't go to therapy.

Basically, the parent got better while the sibling became the way the parent used to be, so I still can't have a moment of peace.

May I ask what the program is that you attended to address hyper vigilance? I am the PP above your post and interested for myself. Thank you -

Sure. It's this one: https://www.positiveintelligence.com/


You can take their assessment here.

https://www.positiveintelligence.com/saboteurs/?mwr=6e469111

I found the process useful to learn practices to weaken what the teacher calls "judges" and "saboteurs," which are basically unhelpful ways of thinking. For example, our brains telling us we suck or should give up would be coming from a "saboteur."

The teacher came from an abusive family and was a mean and terrible tech leader before he realized he needed to change. His process helped me deal with self-doubt and that mean voice in my head, among other things. He offers a free six-week program. That's all I needed to feel much better and to have better tools.

Anonymous wrote:If you faced unimaginable trauma as a child (parent murdered, sibling death, extreme physical or emotional abuse, victim of a sexual crime) do you think it’s actually possible to move past that?

I’m someone who experienced this and have been in counseling for most of my life. I am happily married with 2 wonderful children, many close friends, an active life, beautiful homes, well off.. and I am still just overtaken by the feelings of shame and sadness of my own childhood. It just lives inside of me and no amount of counseling or ssri seems to touch it. I obviously go about with my life and don’t discuss it with others aside from professionals but I just wonder if anyone has managed to truly let the past go. Still to this day, I just don’t feel comfortable or like I quite fit in or am understood by anyone. I feel like a fish out of water in every situation, even with my own family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big hugs to all.

It's mind boggling how much the abuse takes away from a life. I was a ball of anxiety most of my life. Finally, I did a program that addressed hypervigilance, and I saw that was one issue.

Plus, there's so much I didn't learn from parents or anyone else about how to be an adult. I learned these lessons way too late. No one was there to provide me with common sense or suggestions.

Amazing, thank you
Now, my abusive parent is finally too old to refuse medication and is happy as a clam. Meanwhile, I'm left with the wreckage and a damaged sibling who is so hard to deal with (manipulative, screams, lies, accuses my family of stealing, etc) and won't go to therapy.

Basically, the parent got better while the sibling became the way the parent used to be, so I still can't have a moment of peace.

May I ask what the program is that you attended to address hyper vigilance? I am the PP above your post and interested for myself. Thank you -

Sure. It's this one: https://www.positiveintelligence.com/


You can take their assessment here.

https://www.positiveintelligence.com/saboteurs/?mwr=6e469111

I found the process useful to learn practices to weaken what the teacher calls "judges" and "saboteurs," which are basically unhelpful ways of thinking. For example, our brains telling us we suck or should give up would be coming from a "saboteur."

The teacher came from an abusive family and was a mean and terrible tech leader before he realized he needed to change. His process helped me deal with self-doubt and that mean voice in my head, among other things. He offers a free six-week program. That's all I needed to feel much better and to have better tools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big hugs to all.

It's mind boggling how much the abuse takes away from a life. I was a ball of anxiety most of my life. Finally, I did a program that addressed hypervigilance, and I saw that was one issue.

Plus, there's so much I didn't learn from parents or anyone else about how to be an adult. I learned these lessons way too late. No one was there to provide me with common sense or suggestions.

Now, my abusive parent is finally too old to refuse medication and is happy as a clam. Meanwhile, I'm left with the wreckage and a damaged sibling who is so hard to deal with (manipulative, screams, lies, accuses my family of stealing, etc) and won't go to therapy.

Basically, the parent got better while the sibling became the way the parent used to be, so I still can't have a moment of peace.

May I ask what the program is that you attended to address hyper vigilance? I am the PP above your post and interested for myself. Thank you -

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to all who have posted on this thread. I have cptsd from childhood trauma and am utterly exhausted after decades of pursuing healing. I am surprised at the level of grief, anger and pain that is still surfacing. And I am beginning to understand that the chronic pain and autoimmune issues I have as an adult are not unrelated to my childhood abuse.

I am so so angry at my mother for all the ways she caused me so much damage. And I am angry at myself for still having so much anger. I thought the anger was done, all felt and out, but the more I heal the more I discover there is still anger there and that the anger is even more profound than I had thought. I think a lot of it is fueled by realizing that I can’t just walk away from the pain of my past by building the perfect life and making all the right choices and working my a$$ off to heal emotionally. That some pain will be with you and that an abusive childhood breaks you in profound ways.

I believe there is still much healing for me to experience, but for a moment on my journey I am still in this place, experiencing that anger all over again that I have come so far but have so much more to go.

Big hugs to all -

Anonymous wrote:Big hugs to all.

It's mind boggling how much the abuse takes away from a life. I was a ball of anxiety most of my life. Finally, I did a program that addressed hypervigilance, and I saw that was one issue.

Plus, there's so much I didn't learn from parents or anyone else about how to be an adult. I learned these lessons way too late. No one was there to provide me with common sense or suggestions.

Now, my abusive parent is finally too old to refuse medication and is happy as a clam. Meanwhile, I'm left with the wreckage and a damaged sibling who is so hard to deal with (manipulative, screams, lies, accuses my family of stealing, etc) and won't go to therapy.

Basically, the parent got better while the sibling became the way the parent used to be, so I still can't have a moment of peace.

Anonymous wrote:No OP. I am a boomer and never went to counseling after being kidnapped and sexually assaulted by 2 dudes when I was a teen. I am emotionally dead.