Anonymous
12/30/2024 13:18
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.
No one can destroy your life more than a toxic family member.
My dad has six adult children and two adult grandchildren, but none of us are willing to take him into our homes permanently.
Asian cultures, which cherish their elders, put us to shame. The modern U.S. is such a selfish society.
I've seen Asian kids who cannot wait for their parents to die, because it has wrecked havoc on their lives. Living with controlling, nasty parents is not good for anyone. I've seen it ruin many marriages (then again less hard to ruin when someone is in an arranged marriage, as they (the female typically) is used to being "used and treated as a 2nd class citizen" in many cases)
I don’t value the opinion of someone who uses “wrecked havoc”.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 13:18
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
PPs, you would sacrifice your own family and financial health for a parent who made terrible choices and/or was abusive or not a good parent? OP does t see her mother as a “random person,” that’s unfair. People are projecting a lot.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 13:15
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.
No one can destroy your life more than a toxic family member.
My dad has six adult children and two adult grandchildren, but none of us are willing to take him into our homes permanently.
Asian cultures, which cherish their elders, put us to shame. The modern U.S. is such a selfish society.
I've seen Asian kids who cannot wait for their parents to die, because it has wrecked havoc on their lives. Living with controlling, nasty parents is not good for anyone. I've seen it ruin many marriages (then again less hard to ruin when someone is in an arranged marriage, as they (the female typically) is used to being "used and treated as a 2nd class citizen" in many cases)
Anonymous
12/30/2024 13:09
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.
NOPE!!! She pissed away her retirement it appears, thru bad choices, didn't care about her own kids, etc. Now she gets to live with the consequences. I would not upend my life (or my entire immediate family's life) for someone like that
Help her apply for govt aid and be done with it.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 10:54
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Legally, the law doesn't allow us to completely abandon our parents in their old age. The doesn't obligate us to a lot but we can't 100% walk away.
wrong. Don't post if you don't know what you are talking about. It's irresponsible.
You might want to actually familiarize yourself with family law before you open your yap. It’s state specific, but in many states, PP is 100% correct. Google “filial responsibility laws” and you’ll look less foolish.
It will be interesting to see if there’s any traction on some of these laws, given the accelerating aging of our country.
This is a helpful link:
https://trustandwill.com/learn/what-states-have-filial-responsibility
Anonymous
12/30/2024 08:54
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Legally, the law doesn't allow us to completely abandon our parents in their old age. The doesn't obligate us to a lot but we can't 100% walk away.
wrong. Don't post if you don't know what you are talking about. It's irresponsible.
You might want to actually familiarize yourself with family law before you open your yap. It’s state specific, but in many states, PP is 100% correct. Google “filial responsibility laws” and you’ll look less foolish.
Except those laws are very rarely enforced.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 08:52
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.
No one can destroy your life more than a toxic family member.
My dad has six adult children and two adult grandchildren, but none of us are willing to take him into our homes permanently.
Asian cultures, which cherish their elders, put us to shame. The modern U.S. is such a selfish society.
I feel bad for the kids of horrible parents who are now burdened with these horrible people for the rest of their lives because of societal pressures. Not everyone has earned the honor of being cherished by their kids. Blankets statements like pp’s are what cause generational trauma.
Op, start with the council on aging.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 08:36
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:She was your mother. You have no clue what she went through and why. You only know what she decides to tell you. I think it’s pretty wrong to base your support off of her rough patches. Even in my father’s old age, we took care of him. He was an alcoholic and abusive. He never found peace on Earth and he was horrific while on it but he is our family. He is human.
That’s nice. Some people have more self respect.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 08:05
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
You don’t need to find any words. Given you see her as a random person, there is no need for you to be part of any discussion or decision about her. Your siblings may see her as their mother and want to figure out options to help her so leave them to it. Just stay out of it.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 08:02
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:^^ and PPs advice about being vague is good - you don’t have to go into any detail. You only cannot afford to help. Period.
OP, do you think your siblings will be willing to pitch in financially help your mom?
What will happen if they also state that they cannot afford to help and are also vague, with no detail?
DP. This is OP’s siblings’ right as well. Caregiving is always a choice. None of the siblings are obligated to destabilize their own family to support their mother. I imagine OP would accept whatever decisions they make in regard to their mother’s care.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 07:57
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m sure she is eligible for senior low cost housing (may be a waiting list of a few months), free cell phone and free service, low utility bill, food stamps, Medicaid to cover Medicare payments, and free bus pass and transportation. She needs to call PACE and get started. She can also apply for a waiver for in home care when the time comes.
Also - free cell phone? What program is that?
https://www.fcc.gov/general/lifeline-program-low-income-consumers
Thank you! I learn something new every day.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 07:56
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:She was your mother. You have no clue what she went through and why. You only know what she decides to tell you. I think it’s pretty wrong to base your support off of her rough patches. Even in my father’s old age, we took care of him. He was an alcoholic and abusive. He never found peace on Earth and he was horrific while on it but he is our family. He is human.
That was your decision and you had the right to make it for yourself but it’s equally valid to decline involvement in the wake of abuse. Sexual predators of minors were likely victims of abuse themselves and are certainly human; humanity encompasses many aberrations that we have the right to protect ourselves from.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 05:55
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m sure she is eligible for senior low cost housing (may be a waiting list of a few months), free cell phone and free service, low utility bill, food stamps, Medicaid to cover Medicare payments, and free bus pass and transportation. She needs to call PACE and get started. She can also apply for a waiver for in home care when the time comes.
Also - free cell phone? What program is that?
https://www.fcc.gov/general/lifeline-program-low-income-consumers
Anonymous
12/30/2024 05:53
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Legally, the law doesn't allow us to completely abandon our parents in their old age. The doesn't obligate us to a lot but we can't 100% walk away.
wrong. Don't post if you don't know what you are talking about. It's irresponsible.
You might want to actually familiarize yourself with family law before you open your yap. It’s state specific, but in many states, PP is 100% correct. Google “filial responsibility laws” and you’ll look less foolish.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 05:51
Subject: 69, zero assets, social security is not enough
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m sure she is eligible for senior low cost housing (may be a waiting list of a few months), free cell phone and free service, low utility bill, food stamps, Medicaid to cover Medicare payments, and free bus pass and transportation. She needs to call PACE and get started. She can also apply for a waiver for in home care when the time comes.
The waiting list for senior housing in our county is two years and we are in an exurb of Baltimore. But she’s so young you definitely need to get her on that list wherever she is.
Yeah, “may be a waiting list of a few months” made me laugh out loud. Delusional.