Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why this post is titled, "Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner"

Very little of what OP has posted actually relates to the new partner; it's primarily complaints about her ex husband.

What I find problematic is that in a huge messy sh!tshow like this one, the mom/OP decided to focus on the woman/partner as though she's done something wrong. She hasn't.

She's simply a woman who is dating a man with a young adult son. And an ex wife who is high-conflict, drama-ridden and wants to make this woman a scapegoat.

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Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This man verbally and physically abused your son and you are insisting that he spend time with his father so that you can date? You both sound like trash. I feel bad for your son. You need to get into therapy.

Right now dad is not abusing him as he doesn’t have access and the son is grown up.

Of course he has access.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This man verbally and physically abused your son and you are insisting that he spend time with his father so that you can date? You both sound like trash. I feel bad for your son. You need to get into therapy.

Right now dad is not abusing him as he doesn’t have access and the son is grown up.

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Anonymous wrote:Where does OP say her son will receive an inheritance? I wouldn't count on that.

As of now, this is in writing in divorce decree (which has some legal bearing, even if changes the will). Son is also in family trusts as sole beneficiary. Of course I know this.

And, you want your cut.

I want my son's children grow in his family home. Not the next wife's grand children who are not blood relatives of the people who invested, built, were born and grew up in the house. This is a natural desire for most parents.

Unfortunately you chose to divorce.

Unfortunately ? I’m doing great, you have no idea how it being married to my exH. I’m not envious about the new GF, my BF is much younger than my ex we have a very egalitarian and passionate relationship in our 40s.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This man verbally and physically abused your son and you are insisting that he spend time with his father so that you can date? You both sound like trash. I feel bad for your son. You need to get into therapy.

Right now dad is not abusing him as he doesn’t have access and the son is grown up. All dad asks for is to have a holiday dinner with the new partner. I feel for my son but I also feel like it’s selfish of him to instigate needless conflict because of the Christmas dinner alone. Dad is fulfilling his financial obligations, they call each other once every two weeks or so. I spent thousands on lawyers and just got last court decision enforcing college payments in May.
My exH is an a..le.

So now you are changing the story from 50/50 to one dinner? Which is it? Your ex can invite anyone to attend he chooses to. Your son is free to make his choice as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This man verbally and physically abused your son and you are insisting that he spend time with his father so that you can date? You both sound like trash. I feel bad for your son. You need to get into therapy.

Right now dad is not abusing him as he doesn’t have access and the son is grown up. All dad asks for is to have a holiday dinner with the new partner. I feel for my son but I also feel like it’s selfish of him to instigate needless conflict because of the Christmas dinner alone. Dad is fulfilling his financial obligations, they call each other once every two weeks or so. I spent thousands on lawyers and just got last court decision enforcing college payments in May.
My exH is an a..le.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This is not enforceable. Just so you know.

People put a lot of things in their marriage settlement agreements that aren’t actually enforceable in a court of law. Forcing one parent to pay for college exclusively is one of them.

You and your son should be more grateful that your ex is agreeing to pay for it. He is not, in fact, “obligated” to.

It's part of the civil assets settlement and is totally enforceable. I can arrest his real estate, accounts etc. It will only take time, and legal costs which is inconvenience.

Seems like too many posters here are upset some other mother was able to get a great deal for her child. Or maybe they are upset that men they are dating have money hidden for their natural kids.

No, sweetie. It’s not. You clearly don’t know the first thing about Family Law.

No one is upset about anything. Except for obviously you.

NP. First, calling her "sweetie" in this context is misogynistic, and you don't belong in this forum of mainly women.

Second, you're wrong, and she's right. From her description, it sounds like a property settlement. She can pay for college and sue him to recover the payments and her attorney's fees and interest. Then, she can find someone to enforce the judgment for her.

Anonymous wrote:You son is an adult and doesn't have to spend time with him. The 50/50 thing is not written in a legal document, right? It can't be enforced. But the college thing can because it's part of your divorce decree. I don't understand what the problem is here.

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's not worth it for the son to put up with dad in the hopes of inheritance. He'll dangle this carrot forever with moving goalposts. The best he can do is get out from under his influence. If the new partner is Easter European with 2 kids -- she'll want the money and she'll do anything she can to get it. She's poor and she's willing to play the game. I'm Eastern European myself and I've seen it over and over. Believe me, you're not lucky that your XH has found someone like this.

Based on the OP's writing style, she's Slavic too IMO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

This man verbally and physically abused your son and you are insisting that he spend time with his father so that you can date? You both sound like trash. I feel bad for your son. You need to get into therapy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.

He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.

I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.

But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's not worth it for the son to put up with dad in the hopes of inheritance. He'll dangle this carrot forever with moving goalposts. The best he can do is get out from under his influence. If the new partner is Easter European with 2 kids -- she'll want the money and she'll do anything she can to get it. She's poor and she's willing to play the game. I'm Eastern European myself and I've seen it over and over. Believe me, you're not lucky that your XH has found someone like this.

Based on the OP's writing style, she's Slavic too IMO.