Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m white, H is Latino. We’ve struggled a LOT with the division of domestic labor and everything defaulting to me. We’ve tried Fair Play a few times without much success, but decided to give it another shot.

We went out for a coffee date a couple weekends ago to talk and divide up the cards. I tried to keep everything light-hearted and fun, and to have open conversations like the book says to. H kept getting more and more visibly irritated with the whole thing, and in the middle of dividing up the cards loudly said in the coffee shop: “my friends warned me not to marry a white woman because they don’t clean!”

I shrugged it off and didn’t respond because there were literally tables within 2-3 feet of us that I’m sure heard it. I brought it up later and he did apologize. But the more I sit with it, the more it really bothers me. His mom has talked about how he should be with a woman who stays home and does all the domestic work (which is a moot point, because H can’t afford it on his salary alone). And sometimes H makes offhand comments about white people (like a got into a certain hobby, and his response was “that’s such a white person thing to do”).

Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Or should I be concerned over this?

Don't use the word "Latino" for starters. It's offensive. Him using "white" is also indicative of issues. "Like should marry like" is an old saying that rings true. People of different backgrounds or cultures rarely mix well.

Race, income, culture, etc. differences tend to cause issues in a relationship.
What did you mean by "like the books says to"? You have a manual or something? People could use a marriage manual these days.
As far as staying at home and doing the domestic work, try it. Just do actual work though and not fill your time watching Oprah or obsessing about silly things.

You obviously are not Latino. The bolded is the writing of a progressive white person. Stop speaking over everyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, is your husband a Black Hispanic or an Asian Hispanic? Because if not, he’s white. And he’s descended from colonialist invaders himself. I assume he is not a Central or South American indigenous person, or you wouldn’t have described him as Hispanic.

This is stupid. I'm sure he and his family use the term. It's very common and it's a reality that the two cultures are very different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think White women are the least likely to serve their “man” the way these men think the should be serve. They are the least likely to cook, clean and do everything for you while you just sit there for nothing. Next would be Black women. Black and White women not only won’t do that for you but they will expect you to cook just like them and in some cases they may even expect you to do all the cooking if you are a good cook.

European women also are traditional roles which is making a come back but the man needs to be able to provide

Anonymous wrote:I think White women are the least likely to serve their “man” the way these men think the should be serve. They are the least likely to cook, clean and do everything for you while you just sit there for nothing. Next would be Black women. Black and White women not only won’t do that for you but they will expect you to cook just like them and in some cases they may even expect you to do all the cooking if you are a good cook.

Anonymous wrote:So, is your husband a Black Hispanic or an Asian Hispanic? Because if not, he’s white. And he’s descended from colonialist invaders himself. I assume he is not a Central or South American indigenous person, or you wouldn’t have described him as Hispanic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m white, H is Latino. We’ve struggled a LOT with the division of domestic labor and everything defaulting to me. We’ve tried Fair Play a few times without much success, but decided to give it another shot.

We went out for a coffee date a couple weekends ago to talk and divide up the cards. I tried to keep everything light-hearted and fun, and to have open conversations like the book says to. H kept getting more and more visibly irritated with the whole thing, and in the middle of dividing up the cards loudly said in the coffee shop: “my friends warned me not to marry a white woman because they don’t clean!”

I shrugged it off and didn’t respond because there were literally tables within 2-3 feet of us that I’m sure heard it. I brought it up later and he did apologize. But the more I sit with it, the more it really bothers me. His mom has talked about how he should be with a woman who stays home and does all the domestic work (which is a moot point, because H can’t afford it on his salary alone). And sometimes H makes offhand comments about white people (like a got into a certain hobby, and his response was “that’s such a white person thing to do”).

Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Or should I be concerned over this?

Considering the history of colonialism and oppression from white people for centuries against indigenous populations, which your Hispanic husband undoubtedly has some ancestral ties to, you should be more than happy to do a little housework.

Anonymous wrote:So, is your husband a Black Hispanic or an Asian Hispanic? Because if not, he’s white. And he’s descended from colonialist invaders himself. I assume he is not a Central or South American indigenous person, or you wouldn’t have described him as Hispanic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m white, H is Latino. We’ve struggled a LOT with the division of domestic labor and everything defaulting to me. We’ve tried Fair Play a few times without much success, but decided to give it another shot.

We went out for a coffee date a couple weekends ago to talk and divide up the cards. I tried to keep everything light-hearted and fun, and to have open conversations like the book says to. H kept getting more and more visibly irritated with the whole thing, and in the middle of dividing up the cards loudly said in the coffee shop: “my friends warned me not to marry a white woman because they don’t clean!”

I shrugged it off and didn’t respond because there were literally tables within 2-3 feet of us that I’m sure heard it. I brought it up later and he did apologize. But the more I sit with it, the more it really bothers me. His mom has talked about how he should be with a woman who stays home and does all the domestic work (which is a moot point, because H can’t afford it on his salary alone). And sometimes H makes offhand comments about white people (like a got into a certain hobby, and his response was “that’s such a white person thing to do”).

Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Or should I be concerned over this?

Don't use the word "Latino" for starters. It's offensive. Him using "white" is also indicative of issues. "Like should marry like" is an old saying that rings true. People of different backgrounds or cultures rarely mix well.

Race, income, culture, etc. differences tend to cause issues in a relationship.
What did you mean by "like the books says to"? You have a manual or something? People could use a marriage manual these days.
As far as staying at home and doing the domestic work, try it. Just do actual work though and not fill your time watching Oprah or obsessing about silly things.

Anonymous wrote:I’m white, H is Latino. We’ve struggled a LOT with the division of domestic labor and everything defaulting to me. We’ve tried Fair Play a few times without much success, but decided to give it another shot.

We went out for a coffee date a couple weekends ago to talk and divide up the cards. I tried to keep everything light-hearted and fun, and to have open conversations like the book says to. H kept getting more and more visibly irritated with the whole thing, and in the middle of dividing up the cards loudly said in the coffee shop: “my friends warned me not to marry a white woman because they don’t clean!”

I shrugged it off and didn’t respond because there were literally tables within 2-3 feet of us that I’m sure heard it. I brought it up later and he did apologize. But the more I sit with it, the more it really bothers me. His mom has talked about how he should be with a woman who stays home and does all the domestic work (which is a moot point, because H can’t afford it on his salary alone). And sometimes H makes offhand comments about white people (like a got into a certain hobby, and his response was “that’s such a white person thing to do”).

Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Or should I be concerned over this?

Anonymous wrote:I’m white, H is Latino. We’ve struggled a LOT with the division of domestic labor and everything defaulting to me. We’ve tried Fair Play a few times without much success, but decided to give it another shot.

We went out for a coffee date a couple weekends ago to talk and divide up the cards. I tried to keep everything light-hearted and fun, and to have open conversations like the book says to. H kept getting more and more visibly irritated with the whole thing, and in the middle of dividing up the cards loudly said in the coffee shop: “my friends warned me not to marry a white woman because they don’t clean!”

I shrugged it off and didn’t respond because there were literally tables within 2-3 feet of us that I’m sure heard it. I brought it up later and he did apologize. But the more I sit with it, the more it really bothers me. His mom has talked about how he should be with a woman who stays home and does all the domestic work (which is a moot point, because H can’t afford it on his salary alone). And sometimes H makes offhand comments about white people (like a got into a certain hobby, and his response was “that’s such a white person thing to do”).

Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Or should I be concerned over this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he think all the white women in America become maids for their husbands? What an ass.

The opposite. Hispanic women cook and clean and don’t require any chores of their husbands (according to him, his mom and his friends). White women nag their men to clean.