I have 2 adult daughters 27 and 29 and will help each accordingly to what is needed. They both understand that not everything has to be equal or fair since each has different needs. Neither is entitled to anything financially and both appreciate any help they receive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you share this information with them?

Exactly this. Why do your other 2 kids even know? My parents occasionally dole out a gift to their kids, but if they are helping someone more on an individual level I am not asking details. It's their money. My dad helped my sister with a home renovation. I have no idea how much money or what they decided to do. Was it a loan? A gift? A portion of her future inheritance? I don't know and I don't care. Could I dig in and demand details so that I can decide if I should be hurt or not? I guess. But what good would that do? They are adults taking care of their own business.

This seems like a healthy attitude. I’m surprised at the number of adult people who feel entitled to dictate how their parents spend their money.

I haven't seen a single person saying they think they should dictate how their parents spend their money. But if the way the parent spends the money is glaringly uneven among siblings, then yes the children will have feelings about the disparity.

This. Many of us even provided endless free labor for our parents as they aged only to find out we enabled the parents to have even more money to give to the freeloader who was too busy to help. They can do whatever they want with their money. They don't have to be fair. It's true. I can also chose to be with those inlaws who appreciate us. They don't play games and they say "thank you." I can chose to give more time to my kids and my spouse. We all have choices. Many times it's not just about playing favorites with money. It's decades of dysfunction and this is just a symptom.

It sucks. My sibling is "retired" aka unemployed, and they never worked above the table enough to qualify for more than a minimal Social Security benefit. Which of course they started at 62 so the payment is lower than it would have been if they had waited. A great example of how living on parental support can be harmful in the long run. Sibling would have been much better off if they had kept these kinds of things in mind, but neither they or my parents are capable of thinking that far ahead. My parents are now out of money, and somehow I'm the bad guy for not subsiding them and my sibling too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My net worth is 20x my parent's net worth (which decent). I couldn't care less what they give or don't give my siblings. I don't ask and don't care.

I can't believe I am the only person who is far better off than my parents.

I am far better off than my parents, but bailing out both of them and a mooching sibling (who is younger than I am so could easily live another 75 years) would tax my resources. And I think it's a dysfunctional codependent relationship that ultimately harms my sibling in many ways.

How old are you? 15? Nobody easily lives another 75 years, even if they are an infant.

My sibling is 22 and it would not come as a shock given our family history.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you share this information with them?

Exactly this. Why do your other 2 kids even know? My parents occasionally dole out a gift to their kids, but if they are helping someone more on an individual level I am not asking details. It's their money. My dad helped my sister with a home renovation. I have no idea how much money or what they decided to do. Was it a loan? A gift? A portion of her future inheritance? I don't know and I don't care. Could I dig in and demand details so that I can decide if I should be hurt or not? I guess. But what good would that do? They are adults taking care of their own business.

This seems like a healthy attitude. I’m surprised at the number of adult people who feel entitled to dictate how their parents spend their money.

I’m surprised at the number of parents who treat their adult children unevenly and yet still expect the disadvantaged ones to use their limited time off/resources to come home for holidays/equally participate in family vacations

I’ve started to politely decline coming home for the holidays or going on family trips abroad because my parents expect me to pay for myself and family in full, which normally would be fine with us, but they do the opposite for my siblings and cover their full expenses. This is just the tip of the iceberg as far an unequal treatment goes.

This is a difficult topic to complain about without sounding entitled and bratty, but it’s pretty normal to feel this way and you shouldn’t be ashamed about it. Only a small percent of the population wouldn’t feel bothered. We are only human and life is expensive, and most of us who make good money on our own didn’t get here without sacrifice. Getting and keeping a high paying job takes a toll on most people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My net worth is 20x my parent's net worth (which decent). I couldn't care less what they give or don't give my siblings. I don't ask and don't care.

I can't believe I am the only person who is far better off than my parents.

I am far better off than my parents, but bailing out both of them and a mooching sibling (who is younger than I am so could easily live another 75 years) would tax my resources. And I think it's a dysfunctional codependent relationship that ultimately harms my sibling in many ways.

How old are you? 15? Nobody easily lives another 75 years, even if they are an infant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you share this information with them?

Exactly this. Why do your other 2 kids even know? My parents occasionally dole out a gift to their kids, but if they are helping someone more on an individual level I am not asking details. It's their money. My dad helped my sister with a home renovation. I have no idea how much money or what they decided to do. Was it a loan? A gift? A portion of her future inheritance? I don't know and I don't care. Could I dig in and demand details so that I can decide if I should be hurt or not? I guess. But what good would that do? They are adults taking care of their own business.

I knew my elderly parents were giving my brother money because he has been sporadically employed for most of the last decade and yet lives in a nice house with every cable channel and other perks that I don't have. I never asked how much they were giving him. The only reason it came to light is that they took out a reverse mortgage on their paid-off house to buy my brother's house (in their name but he lives there). They told me months later because I'm the executor of their estate, and they didn't want me to find out that way. So, no, I didn't "dig in and demand details." If you're not living this scenario you have no idea what it's like.

Anonymous wrote:My net worth is 20x my parent's net worth (which decent). I couldn't care less what they give or don't give my siblings. I don't ask and don't care.

I can't believe I am the only person who is far better off than my parents.

I am far better off than my parents, but bailing out both of them and a mooching sibling (who is younger than I am so could easily live another 75 years) would tax my resources. And I think it's a dysfunctional codependent relationship that ultimately harms my sibling in many ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you share this information with them?

Exactly this. Why do your other 2 kids even know? My parents occasionally dole out a gift to their kids, but if they are helping someone more on an individual level I am not asking details. It's their money. My dad helped my sister with a home renovation. I have no idea how much money or what they decided to do. Was it a loan? A gift? A portion of her future inheritance? I don't know and I don't care. Could I dig in and demand details so that I can decide if I should be hurt or not? I guess. But what good would that do? They are adults taking care of their own business.

This seems like a healthy attitude. I’m surprised at the number of adult people who feel entitled to dictate how their parents spend their money.

I haven't seen a single person saying they think they should dictate how their parents spend their money. But if the way the parent spends the money is glaringly uneven among siblings, then yes the children will have feelings about the disparity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a disparity in financial success between your children and you have one kid who struggles while the other is stable or even highly successful, is there anything wrong with giving more financial support to the less successful one?

I have a highly successful son and another moderately successful daughter, with another son with a bit of an unstable life. I helped him out by paying his rent for a year and purchasing a car and now my other two children are acting passive aggressive about it which I find unnecessary since they don’t need the money at all. I know how much they make and how much they have saved (I don’t ask, they tell me).

This reads like a troll post joke.

I agree it reads like a troll post, and yet many of us are living it. I can barely read the responses because it all hits way too close to home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you share this information with them?

Exactly this. Why do your other 2 kids even know? My parents occasionally dole out a gift to their kids, but if they are helping someone more on an individual level I am not asking details. It's their money. My dad helped my sister with a home renovation. I have no idea how much money or what they decided to do. Was it a loan? A gift? A portion of her future inheritance? I don't know and I don't care. Could I dig in and demand details so that I can decide if I should be hurt or not? I guess. But what good would that do? They are adults taking care of their own business.

This seems like a healthy attitude. I’m surprised at the number of adult people who feel entitled to dictate how their parents spend their money.

I’m surprised at the number of parents who treat their adult children unevenly and yet still expect the disadvantaged ones to use their limited time off/resources to come home for holidays/equally participate in family vacations

My net worth is 20x my parent's net worth (which decent). I couldn't care less what they give or don't give my siblings. I don't ask and don't care.

I can't believe I am the only person who is far better off than my parents.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's tough when the parents are doing ok but don't have huge amounts of money to give all around. In that scenario the parents would not normally help anyone, and they are feeling forced to help a child who would maybe not make it without their help. If they have ample money to give to everyone, it does feel unfair to not give to all. My parents are the former kind, and I would not begrudge them helping my brother and sil because we do much better than they do.

If one kid has a legit disability this is reasonable. If they just have an attitude problem not so much. Much of the time we see people grow up thinking they should be able to do whatever they want in life and have all their material needs and wants met. They don’t want to work a 9-5 like everyone else and expect parents/society to enable this.

I think it's tough when the parents are doing ok but don't have huge amounts of money to give all around. In that scenario the parents would not normally help anyone, and they are feeling forced to help a child who would maybe not make it without their help. If they have ample money to give to everyone, it does feel unfair to not give to all. My parents are the former kind, and I would not begrudge them helping my brother and sil because we do much better than they do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you share this information with them?

Exactly this. Why do your other 2 kids even know? My parents occasionally dole out a gift to their kids, but if they are helping someone more on an individual level I am not asking details. It's their money. My dad helped my sister with a home renovation. I have no idea how much money or what they decided to do. Was it a loan? A gift? A portion of her future inheritance? I don't know and I don't care. Could I dig in and demand details so that I can decide if I should be hurt or not? I guess. But what good would that do? They are adults taking care of their own business.

This seems like a healthy attitude. I’m surprised at the number of adult people who feel entitled to dictate how their parents spend their money.