Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Anonymous wrote:What about women with belly fat? Are they healthy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She’ll walk off with half their assets and find a hotter guy.

Exactly. Win for her. No one would tell a man he just needs to suck it up and have sex with a super fat woman he's not attracted to... why are women any different? Especially because weight gain on a man doesn't do ANYTHING positive, unlike with women- there are no bigger boobs, hips, butt to distract yourself with. Just a lose lose all around.

In the context of a marriage or committed relationship where you supposedly love the whole person, not just the desirable sex parther in the body you prefer, changes to your spouse's or partner's body are not supposed to send you running to dump or cheat on your spouse. They're either normal aging (and good luck avoiding that changing your own body) or they're possibly signs that your partner may need help with health issues. And you deal with both those things as a team. That is, IF you believe commitment goes beyond "I'll stick with you as long as you're within this designated range of weight...wrinkle coverage...gray in the hair..."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours.
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him.
I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way.
Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this??

I feel sorry for your husband, he made a BIG mistake when he chose you. This is all about you and appearances. Shame on you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She probably won't care. So win/win.

She’s gonna care when she realizes how alimony law has evolved over the past couple decades. (Hint: DW will need to go back to work herself after a period of retraining / transition).

Not if they have been married 20 years (can be lifetime in VA)

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours.
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him.
I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way.
Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She probably won't care. So win/win.

She’s gonna care when she realizes how alimony law has evolved over the past couple decades. (Hint: DW will need to go back to work herself after a period of retraining / transition).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She’ll walk off with half their assets and find a hotter guy.

Exactly. Win for her. No one would tell a man he just needs to suck it up and have sex with a super fat woman he's not attracted to... why are women any different? Especially because weight gain on a man doesn't do ANYTHING positive, unlike with women- there are no bigger boobs, hips, butt to distract yourself with. Just a lose lose all around.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours.
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him.
I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way.
Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this??