I would much rather not pay for college immediately after HS than paying and the kid flounder/fail/doesn't want to go. Our rules if you didn't want to go to college. You had to either:

1. Get a FT job or 2 PT jobs (min 40 hrs/week)
2. Go to trade school FT
3. Go to community college FT
4. any the 2 above combinations part time

They could live at home as long as they were doing one of these options. And we would reassess every 6 months to discuss plans/living arrangements/financial responsibility to the home/family. If a kid had chosen this path, they needed a financial plan to be out of our house by 25y (since I wouldn't be surprised if a new college grad comes home to live/save for a couple of years.)

Neither kid took this option. But we had this discussion in HS when making post-graduation plans. We were fine with any of it. We just weren't going to allow them to sit i our basement all day/every day doing nothing.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both from families where college was expected. Prestige and selectivity didn't matter, but you went away, even if only a few hours. Our middle child, a junior, has declared she's not interested in going. Yes, she has the academic ability. Logistically, how would this work after high school graduation? Do we insist she move out immediately? I can't imagine one can support themselves with only a high school diploma, though I know people somehow make it work. Do we help financially? Insist on community college at the very least? Really interested in the nuts and bolts of this decision.

Say No

The child will need a job, community college, some sort of training...something. Community college allows for a LOT of time to work as well.

A lot can change in two years, and even if she doesn’t start right away, she can still get a degree at some point if she wants/needs one. Definitely don’t spiral into ultimatums now- it won’t help either of you.

I have one kid with disabilities who probably won’t ever graduate from a traditional college program. The experience has made me realize how important it is to start from strengths and interests. What does your daughter enjoy? What does she envision doing? What are her strengths (academic and otherwise)? Have these conversations over months and don’t interrogate. Also very gently work in the expectation that she will do something to the steps towards independence- working, training, school etc.

When she is choosing classes for next year, talk to the counselor about options to prepare for the work world. A lot of high schools have internship or apprenticeship programs. Check out what’s available at the local community college.

If your daughter doesn’t have any work experience, encourage her to get a job. My first full time summer job cleaning apartments taught me that I could support myself if push came to shove AND I really, really didn’t want to clean the rest of my life. Both were important lessons to learn. Volunteer experience in her chosen path will also help her figure out if that’s really what she wants to do.

Some people mature later. She may have some mild learning disabilities too that have not been diagnosed. Agree with setting some boundaries, but it doesn't mean she is a mess or that she will ruin her life by not going to college right away.

Anonymous wrote:How do you kick them out? What are the logistics of that, I mean? No, I am not remotely there yet, but I think having a plan would ease some of this new anxiety. We weren't expecting this at all!

Set up the expectations now that your kid has to either start paying you room and board or move out 3 months after high school graduation unless they are planning on going to school or some sort of career training full time. Perhaps a lower payment if they go to school part-time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of mine did 3 semesters before on-line only classes. He passed. Worked a couple jobs then got into a personal sales thing getting people to sign up to go hear about timeshares. It was a silly thing, but good sales experience and okay money.

Then he got offered a summer job pulling wire on a building project. Still did time share sales until the construction company offered him a job. He is on year 3 now. Makes decent money $33 an hour plus about 10 overtime hours a week and small bonuses for bring his own leadership projects in on budget.

Things slow down in winter so he is taking classes to finish his undergrad (slowly). He needs to decide if he is going to stay in building trades and if so - get his journeyman electrician certification.

We just read an ad this morning seeking an Electrician for a production factory. $120,000 per year. 7 days on, 7 days off, good medical, 401k matching, company stock, 4 weeks of paid parental leave. My boyfriend commented that it sounded like a good job.

I’d love that schedule.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her work at a retail or food service job PT and see if she changes her tune about college. Just make sure if it's a restaurant, it doesn't serve alcohol.

Yep because that’s what parent do, dictate your every move.

The restaurant business is a career choice for many. It’s a tough one but in high end restaurants salaries are in the six figures.

I think many of you don’t know much beyond your small worlds. You only know STEM, law and maybe a few other careers like a government worker.

An ambitious person will find their way. Entrepreneurship is a big one. My sister had a medical tech job but ended up opening several small businesses. It fit her perfectly. Many tech jobs don’t need a college degree. All the applicant has to do is show what they know. Some of these kids have the type of brain to self teach themselves this stuff.

It’d be a lot easier for everyone if their kids continued their education after high school but it’s not for everyone and there are now more opportunities than ever to work for yourself or work your way up with training on the job.

I mean that’s patently untrue. I’m all in favor of people following their own path but the college wage premium is considerable and still growing.

So is the self employed wage still growing. And if someone is following their own path and has ambition and they know they have the skill to succeed they will probably be successful. On the other hand there is a percentage of college graduates who just don’t know what they want to do. They’ve done everything everyone told them to do through their childhood without really thinking about it and now they’re lost.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is starting to think like this. Her district has a program with several unions and during her junior and senior year she can apprentice, be paid $30/hour, and still be working towards her HS degree. Upon graduation she will have a journeyman certification. She has stellar grades and extracurriculars but is doubting if she wants to have the kind of career that a traditional, t50 college degree might lead to.

I’m not sure if she would pursue the apprenticeship program, but she would have sufficient salary to live on after graduation if she did. It’s great to know that the program exists.

This is such weird thinking. There are many different kinds of careers a college grad can do - they aren’t all desk jobs. If she’s smart enough to be a plumber she can also be a surgeon.

Why would you assume she would want to be a surgeon? Most people wouldn’t.

^^^^
contused = continued

In the 80s my father worked in construction management. He told me they were paying 100K per year for crane operators and aggressively recruiting women. I said no way and contused studying anthropology at college.

You probably know the Rest of the Story...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is starting to think like this. Her district has a program with several unions and during her junior and senior year she can apprentice, be paid $30/hour, and still be working towards her HS degree. Upon graduation she will have a journeyman certification. She has stellar grades and extracurriculars but is doubting if she wants to have the kind of career that a traditional, t50 college degree might lead to.

I’m not sure if she would pursue the apprenticeship program, but she would have sufficient salary to live on after graduation if she did. It’s great to know that the program exists.

This is such weird thinking. There are many different kinds of careers a college grad can do - they aren’t all desk jobs. If she’s smart enough to be a plumber she can also be a surgeon.

What an ignorant response! Not every smart person wants to cut up people’s bodies in a windowless room. DD is interested in big projects and heavy equipment and working outside. It’s perfectly ok to be smart and accomplished and not be a doctor/lawyer/engineer.

Anyway, I’d rather have a dedicated, motivated plumber in my family than a doctor that’s doing the job just because their parents had huge egos that would be dashed by anything else. Unfortunately, I’ve been the patient of more than a few doctors who clearly didn’t want to be doing their jobs.

Anonymous wrote:One of mine did 3 semesters before on-line only classes. He passed. Worked a couple jobs then got into a personal sales thing getting people to sign up to go hear about timeshares. It was a silly thing, but good sales experience and okay money.

Then he got offered a summer job pulling wire on a building project. Still did time share sales until the construction company offered him a job. He is on year 3 now. Makes decent money $33 an hour plus about 10 overtime hours a week and small bonuses for bring his own leadership projects in on budget.

Things slow down in winter so he is taking classes to finish his undergrad (slowly). He needs to decide if he is going to stay in building trades and if so - get his journeyman electrician certification.

We just read an ad this morning seeking an Electrician for a production factory. $120,000 per year. 7 days on, 7 days off, good medical, 401k matching, company stock, 4 weeks of paid parental leave. My boyfriend commented that it sounded like a good job.

I’d take the $100K you are going to save, put it in the S&P and give it to her at 30 to buy a house if she works hard and is responsible.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both from families where college was expected. Prestige and selectivity didn't matter, but you went away, even if only a few hours. Our middle child, a junior, has declared she's not interested in going. Yes, she has the academic ability. Logistically, how would this work after high school graduation? Do we insist she move out immediately? I can't imagine one can support themselves with only a high school diploma, though I know people somehow make it work. Do we help financially? Insist on community college at the very least? Really interested in the nuts and bolts of this decision.

You are correct. And that's the lesson she needs to learn now. If all she has is a HS, how is she going to support herself for the long term? She will see the type of jobs she is qualified for, how much it costs to live, how much money she has at the end of the month and then maybe she will change her mind about trade school, college, or the military.