Anonymous wrote:We just gave up worrying about it. Remember that in prairie days people had one room cabins and still managed to have sex. People all over the world have sex in close quarters. And if our kids overhear? Well, at least they know their middle-aged parents still enjoy a healthy sex life.

Then again, I’m one of those mothers who gives her teen daughters vibrators.

In the prairie days women didn't have a way to decline.

I looked at a house recently where the primary bedroom was built so the wall where the bed would be placed was a shared wall with one of the children’s rooms, and you couldn’t really put it on another wall because of the location of the doors, a fireplace, and lots of windows. We’re old but even I was like, well that will never work.What was the architect thinking? It was sad because it was a gorgeous new build otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never have sex when the kid is home. Ever. We both wfh on Fridays and we occasionally while she is at school (or camp). But it has been about 6 weeks, which is not an unusual frequency for us….

You don’t have sex for six weeks at a time?!

I think this is a lot more common than you think but no one talks about it because people like you will act like it's shameful.

DH and I are more frequent than that (more like twice a month) but have had a number of dry spells of around 6 weeks and they increase as we get older because they are often due to medical issues and those increase as we get older. Like I fell playing tennis a few months ago and had a bruised tailbone and just didn't want to do it until pain was gone. DH had a series of oral surgeries last year to fix a broken tooth and even though it was just his mouth he was on pain meds for it and it was also mentally taxing and he just wanted to go to bed early for a while. And so on.

Once you hit about 45 I have found that frequency falls off a lot. I guess libido waning too. It's still there but the idea of going without sex for 6 weeks doesn't sound like a big deal at all to me at this point whereas when I was in my 30s it would have been a problem.

He ties me up, puts a ball gag in my mouth uses his hands, mouth and wand until I am a limp puddle, then we cuddle.

When our kids were in ES we never worried about it beyond keeping the noise down. Now when our PreK and ES grandkids stay over we don’t even consider having sex as we keep the doors open as well as our ears.

Anonymous wrote:How about the back yard, after dark?

🫣 that’s a little too adventurous

Anonymous wrote:Do you both work out of the house full time?
Get a lock for your room or go to the basement. It’s not that hard. We lived in a tiny house growing up and my parents managed to have 6 kids without anyone being the wiser about their intimate life.

The more kids you have the easier it gets. The kids are loud enough and bother each other.

Anonymous wrote:1) Since he minds so much, he can come up with a solution. Tell him that.

2) Let the kids watch a movie in the basement, loud.

3) Mornings before they wake up, and also this is why Saturday AM cartoons were invented.

This!!!

“Hey kids turn the cartoons up louder so mommy can monitor what you guys are watching”

Then become a mommy all over again, or at least try 😁

Anonymous wrote:I think couples in your position would try a white noise machine for yourselves and also for the kids' rooms. Or tell the kids you are watching a movie and turn it way up. And taking a day off together during the week.

But most of all, this is YOUR DH'S PROBLEM TO FIX. What is wrong with you that you don't understand that? Next time he brings it up, ask him what changes he plans to implement.

Wrong answer and wrong attitude.

A successful marriage involves two people.

Anonymous wrote:We never have sex when the kid is home. Ever. We both wfh on Fridays and we occasionally while she is at school (or camp). But it has been about 6 weeks, which is not an unusual frequency for us….

You don’t have sex for six weeks at a time?!

We either wait until the kids are asleep and keep it quiet or get busy in the morning before they get up. They generally aren’t allowed to wander into our room after bedtime unless they are having some sort of problem. We keep the lights off at night too so even if they do walk in it can be a quick cover up, which we have had to do before and they didn’t notice.

A couple of people have said it’s harder with teens, it’s been the opposite for us. They’re usually in the basement watching a movie or playing video games until way past our bedtimes on non-school nights, so we don’t have to worry about making noise, etc. The hardest was when they were tweens and had a bedtime but could take a while to fall asleep.

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Anonymous wrote:Close doors. Ceiling fans. White noise machines. Get a better bed and make sure it is screwed together really tight and put it on a nice thick rug. Turn on the TV while you do it. Run the dryer while you do it. Have sex while the kids are at school. And so on.

Another thing people do that is no longer an option for you is only have as many kids as allows you to still have a reasonable amount of privacy in your home. You filled up your house with people and now that those people are older you're like "wait I have no privacy." Well some of us thought about that before having another kid. Sorry.

Hahaaaa pretending that you chose not to have more kids in order to preserve your privacy and sex life - sure Jan.

Why do you think people choose to have fewer kids? This is as good a reason as any -- I'd rather have an only and some privacy and a functional sex life than 3 kids and have to take a 20 year break from sex because I worry someone will walk in on me.

It does seem weird. I can’t imagine if my sister and brothers and nieces and nephews were never born because my parents wanted more privacy during sex.

If they hadn't been born you'd never know the difference.

Some people have larger houses or layouts that allow privacy and can have all the kids they want. OP is saying they never have sex because they have a small house and then filled it with children and now they have no privacy and no sex. I think that's weirder than limiting the number of kids you have in order to avoid this problem (or having to sneak down to the basement for sex). But to each their own.

Of course you would know the difference between your siblings being alive and not being alive.

DP here. No. Not if they were never conceived in the first place. Try to keep up.

I guess I am aware that I have 3 siblings and not more because more weren’t conceived.
I don’t really see how you wouldn’t know this.

Your response doesn’t make sense to what PP said. It’s not a difference between your siblings (who are actual people, who you’ve known for many years, your closest relatives) being alive or not alive. The point is that if they hadn’t been born you couldn’t miss having them. If they hadn’t been born at all then there is no “they” to think of or to say you “can’t imagine if they hadn’t been born.” There are infinite numbers of potential people who were never and will never been born but of course we can imagine life without them because “they” don’t exist.

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Anonymous wrote:Close doors. Ceiling fans. White noise machines. Get a better bed and make sure it is screwed together really tight and put it on a nice thick rug. Turn on the TV while you do it. Run the dryer while you do it. Have sex while the kids are at school. And so on.

Another thing people do that is no longer an option for you is only have as many kids as allows you to still have a reasonable amount of privacy in your home. You filled up your house with people and now that those people are older you're like "wait I have no privacy." Well some of us thought about that before having another kid. Sorry.

Hahaaaa pretending that you chose not to have more kids in order to preserve your privacy and sex life - sure Jan.

Why do you think people choose to have fewer kids? This is as good a reason as any -- I'd rather have an only and some privacy and a functional sex life than 3 kids and have to take a 20 year break from sex because I worry someone will walk in on me.

It does seem weird. I can’t imagine if my sister and brothers and nieces and nephews were never born because my parents wanted more privacy during sex.

If they hadn't been born you'd never know the difference.

Some people have larger houses or layouts that allow privacy and can have all the kids they want. OP is saying they never have sex because they have a small house and then filled it with children and now they have no privacy and no sex. I think that's weirder than limiting the number of kids you have in order to avoid this problem (or having to sneak down to the basement for sex). But to each their own.

Of course you would know the difference between your siblings being alive and not being alive.

DP here. No. Not if they were never conceived in the first place. Try to keep up.

I guess I am aware that I have 3 siblings and not more because more weren’t conceived.
I don’t really see how you wouldn’t know this.

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Anonymous wrote:Doors need to be closed- its a fire safety measure
White noise machine for kid
Wfh day sex
Sleepovers

Your house isn't going to burn down in the 15-60 minutes you are having sex. You aren't that hot.

They are saying bedroom doors need to be closed when people are sleeping as a fire safety measure since OP said her kids sleep w the door open.