Anonymous wrote:

You only face the decline of old age, and death once. It is frightening and depressing. If the children you raised for decades , invested in and set up for life can’t care for you then, it would be the ultimate disappointment.

Anonymous wrote:

You only face the decline of old age, and death once. It is frightening and depressing. If the children you raised for decades , invested in and set up for life can’t care for you then, it would be the ultimate disappointment.

Expecting your parent to rally from that and write you a check is just beyond entitlement.

Anonymous wrote:

1) Your situation is not “life.” (Maybe my family is straightforward 🤔)

2) Blame your dad, not your Mon. It was his decision to give the money to her, rather than his children. And he knew your Mom.

3) You obviously don’t even like your own mother. I am sure she can sense that. What would cause her go give you large sums of money ?

Make your own future, as she must do.

I am sorry that you did not have a better childhood (or can’t appreciate the childhood your parents worked to give you).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is against human nature to share the money you earned over decades with someone who can’t pick up the phone when you are old and in poor health.

It is not about controlling your children. It is about having the self esteem to not engage in a one way relationship.

I’d find it pretty sad to be thinking this way on my death bed. Very black and white.

Anonymous wrote:You, my family has been doing this for generations. Seems to be a messed up mind game for all, have fun with that.
Has not happened to me but to my siblings, parents, etc. I will say, the one who mostly pays the price is the elder relative, because now they are cut off from their child - but more importantly, from the grandchildren, who may be totally different from their parents.

And…when you’re dead, your beneficiaries will do whatever they want with tge $, including sharing it with the “bad ones” who got written out of the will. Seem that happen multiple times - 1 or 2 siblings inherit the estate & then share evenly with the excluded party/or their kids, in the case of death.

Anonymous wrote:It is against human nature to share the money you earned over decades with someone who can’t pick up the phone when you are old and in poor health.

It is not about controlling your children. It is about having the self esteem to not engage in a one way relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is against human nature to share the money you earned over decades with someone who can’t pick up the phone when you are old and in poor health.

It is not about controlling your children. It is about having the self esteem to not engage in a one way relationship.

So what about this situation: dad in the family earned all the money, passed away, and now mom has the money (it was done as a mutual will, dad didn't divorce because he wanted adult kids to get the money). She doesn't have a good relationship with the adult kids because she's always been selfish, manipulative and paid them as little attention as humanly possible (grandma had to come in and do the actual care since I was 2, dad's mom). It's all about controlling. In fact she says I'll pay you this much if you do that for me. Life is not as straightforward as you seem to imagine. In my experience the ones who inherit money (instead of earning it themselves) don't have very good relationships with their adult kids as the reason they didn't earn the money themselves is their lack of skills, both in relationships and professionally (which is why they start manipulating, the only thing they know).

Anonymous wrote:It is against human nature to share the money you earned over decades with someone who can’t pick up the phone when you are old and in poor health.

It is not about controlling your children. It is about having the self esteem to not engage in a one way relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, some do. And others still love their children no matter what.

So money=love?

My division hasn’t been equal because of a larger family and big age span. The older children have received much already, younger have more needs. Ultimately it is relatively equal, but the older children get more before death.

Then came the day I discovered adult DD stole money (not a small sum) from me and from her youngest sibling. She refused to deal with it. Throughout, I told her, look if I am wrong, show me the receipts. But she had none. In the fallout, I discovered she had conned me throughout much of college. I had been generous with her and her BF whose family was not well off. I was not strict with record keeping, and I trusted her. She’d had me reimburse her for things 2x or pay for things 2x. In some cases she had me pay for something and later had me reimburse her saying she had to borrow from a friend’s mother. Then she deliberately provoked an unstable family member to become involved which caused more distress for me and for the elementary sibling. Next she said she wanted to repair the relationship, but when I offered family therapy at her convenience/comfort level, she declined and sent an ugly email complaining of things that never happened. She continues to try and stir up trouble in the extended family. I just say, “Yes, it’s true Larla and I had a falling out. It’s very sad and I prefer not to discuss it.” If anyone presses, I just repeat, “It’s very sad,” and I change the subject.

So, she is not going to inherit anything more. This is not a subject of discussion, there is no attack letter from me telling her she won’t inherit, and only the attorney knows, so she will not hear from anyone else. I love her and I wish her a good life. I do not feel I owe her an inheritance.

In our family, the children who take care of the parents, grandparents etc have always received more. I think this is fair. If you happen to like one child more than the other that is not a great reason to make things unequal. People have a right to leave their own money as they see fit. It should not be used as a bargaining or pressuring tool, but the idea that everything must be equal no matter what is not one I agree with.

It's possible that you and her disagree about whether or not those things happened, but nothing ultimately excuses her theft. Still, she'll probably end up challenging the will and harassing your other kids in the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, some do. And others still love their children no matter what.

So money=love?

My division hasn’t been equal because of a larger family and big age span. The older children have received much already, younger have more needs. Ultimately it is relatively equal, but the older children get more before death.

Then came the day I discovered adult DD stole money (not a small sum) from me and from her youngest sibling. She refused to deal with it. Throughout, I told her, look if I am wrong, show me the receipts. But she had none. In the fallout, I discovered she had conned me throughout much of college. I had been generous with her and her BF whose family was not well off. I was not strict with record keeping, and I trusted her. She’d had me reimburse her for things 2x or pay for things 2x. In some cases she had me pay for something and later had me reimburse her saying she had to borrow from a friend’s mother. Then she deliberately provoked an unstable family member to become involved which caused more distress for me and for the elementary sibling. Next she said she wanted to repair the relationship, but when I offered family therapy at her convenience/comfort level, she declined and sent an ugly email complaining of things that never happened. She continues to try and stir up trouble in the extended family. I just say, “Yes, it’s true Larla and I had a falling out. It’s very sad and I prefer not to discuss it.” If anyone presses, I just repeat, “It’s very sad,” and I change the subject.

So, she is not going to inherit anything more. This is not a subject of discussion, there is no attack letter from me telling her she won’t inherit, and only the attorney knows, so she will not hear from anyone else. I love her and I wish her a good life. I do not feel I owe her an inheritance.

In our family, the children who take care of the parents, grandparents etc have always received more. I think this is fair. If you happen to like one child more than the other that is not a great reason to make things unequal. People have a right to leave their own money as they see fit. It should not be used as a bargaining or pressuring tool, but the idea that everything must be equal no matter what is not one I agree with.

Anonymous wrote:That’s really the most you can do if your adult child doesn’t want to have a relationship with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole obsession over Wills is weird to me. 1) I'm not sitting around waiting for my parents to die 2) I want them to live their best lives and I'm realistic about end of life medical care costs. I'm not expecting any money and I'd much rather have them than their money. Go to Hawaii, mom and dad, take a trip to Ireland. Spend it.

Of course. But when a parent decides to affirmatively cut you out of their will, then that means they no longer want a relationship with you.

Anonymous wrote:The whole obsession over Wills is weird to me. 1) I'm not sitting around waiting for my parents to die 2) I want them to live their best lives and I'm realistic about end of life medical care costs. I'm not expecting any money and I'd much rather have them than their money. Go to Hawaii, mom and dad, take a trip to Ireland. Spend it.