My last question, on the days that the mom is home do they offer to pick your child up?
If not, they are users.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wild to me how nasty people are here. Just HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR. Why the need for reciprocity or payment? My god you people are awful.

I have been taken advantage of too many times to be this simple. I wish it wasn't the case but there are a lot of people who will just test out to see if you are the kind of person who is "helpful" and then will start taking advantage of you to save them time and money. This has happened to me enough times to be very wary of it.

Helping your neighbor is something like "hey I had to take Larlo to urgent care and DH just told me his train is stopped and he doesn't know when it will start -- can you pick up Larla and let her stay at your house until one of us is back." It's not becoming your neighbors permanent childcare solution to save them the trouble of shifting work schedules or hiring help.

Depends. Did OP agree to pick up three days a week for more than just the first few days of school? That would be helping either way - a few days or a few weeks or all year. Helping doesn’t have to be just in emergency situations.

We only have OP’s side of the conversation so we will never know what the understanding was with the neighbor.

I have said it twice: I agreed to help pick up the boy so the baby didn’t have to be awakened. But for the past week and today, the baby has been awake when I pick up the boy. So I feel like I was asked to help under false pretenses. The baby has been awake more than not since I started helping so the baby can stay asleep.

Then say no.

What is the issue with saying no, OP?

No issue at all. I’ll see how it goes the rest of this week, if baby is happily awake when I pick up, and then make my decision. Thanks for your help!

I think you need to make your decision now whether or not you’ll continue to pick up if the baby is awake or asleep that way you don’t need to revisit this question. If the baby is awake this week, then you will text that starting Monday you can’t pick up anymore.

At the very least if you continue to pick up, ask grandma to come out and shuffle the child so you don’t need to get out of the car and it’ll make pick up go faster.

Anonymous wrote:I assume they think they will car pool when the baby is older. But you don't like helping, so do not help. It really is that simple.

If they thought this why wouldn't they say this.

Here is what I know about people who like to take advantage of others:

They are often a bit unclear in requests on purpose because that enables them to play dumb later. "Oh we thought you were find doing this all year even though we definitely never said 'can you help us out this year with the school commute.'"

They are good at soliciting sympathy to make people feel obligated. This is why the family made their request all about the infant's sleep and not wanting to wake the baby -- most moms are going to be sympathetic to that. Note there are other ways to frame this that would have been equally (and perhaps more) true but less sympathetic. Like if they'd said "my mom is watching the little ones but she is balking about doing the school run on the mornings I have to work" or "my office is being a stickler about my start time and DH doesn't want to adjust his hours to accommodate" OP might have been less inclined to say yes. She might have thought "ok I get that's an issue but it sounds like an internal family problem for you to resolve." But by framing it as a problem specifically with an infant's sleep schedule they make themselves look as sympathetic as possible.

Anonymous wrote:Tell her that your morning routine is changed and that you won’t be able to pick up her son anymore.

As an aside, I have a feeling you’re also resentful because she presented as only needing help because the baby was sleeping. They either weren’t being truthful from the beginning or now that the baby is awake they no longer need your help, but are still taking your help. I get it.

What would your feelings have been if they asked for help driving am without having added the sleeping baby etc.?

It has only been a week and more than once the baby was sleeping?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wild to me how nasty people are here. Just HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR. Why the need for reciprocity or payment? My god you people are awful.

Help is help. This is an ongoing taking advantage.

Do you ask for favors with that mouth?

Yep! And I do favors for my neighbors without asking for PAYMENT. Yikes and yuck. Raised by wolves, all of you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wild to me how nasty people are here. Just HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR. Why the need for reciprocity or payment? My god you people are awful.

I have been taken advantage of too many times to be this simple. I wish it wasn't the case but there are a lot of people who will just test out to see if you are the kind of person who is "helpful" and then will start taking advantage of you to save them time and money. This has happened to me enough times to be very wary of it.

Helping your neighbor is something like "hey I had to take Larlo to urgent care and DH just told me his train is stopped and he doesn't know when it will start -- can you pick up Larla and let her stay at your house until one of us is back." It's not becoming your neighbors permanent childcare solution to save them the trouble of shifting work schedules or hiring help.

Depends. Did OP agree to pick up three days a week for more than just the first few days of school? That would be helping either way - a few days or a few weeks or all year. Helping doesn’t have to be just in emergency situations.

We only have OP’s side of the conversation so we will never know what the understanding was with the neighbor.

We know from OP's account that her understanding was that this was needed specifically because of the infant's sleep schedule. It doesn't actually matter what the neighbor thought they were agreeing to because OP is the one doing the helping. If OP misunderstood then that is on the neighbor for not being clear. When you ask someone for a favor you need to be clear and specific to avoid just this kind of confusion.

It would be different if OP was deriving any benefit from this arrangement. She's not -- the burden is all on her. She was fine helping with the baby's sleep situation but if that's over she wants to stop.

And we are only hearing one side of that conversation. Perhaps OP as not clear.

It is not OP's job to be clear. She is the one doing the favor. She said yes thinking she was agreeing to one thing but it appears they though she was agreeing to something else. But since this entire arrangement is for the other family's benefit then it is on them to set expectations clearly. They didn't so now OP wants out. OP's communication is "yes" or "no." It was originally "yes" and now it's "no." If OP misunderstood that is actually the fault of the other family for not being more clear about what they were asking for.

hunh, say whaaaat?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wild to me how nasty people are here. Just HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR. Why the need for reciprocity or payment? My god you people are awful.

I have been taken advantage of too many times to be this simple. I wish it wasn't the case but there are a lot of people who will just test out to see if you are the kind of person who is "helpful" and then will start taking advantage of you to save them time and money. This has happened to me enough times to be very wary of it.

Helping your neighbor is something like "hey I had to take Larlo to urgent care and DH just told me his train is stopped and he doesn't know when it will start -- can you pick up Larla and let her stay at your house until one of us is back." It's not becoming your neighbors permanent childcare solution to save them the trouble of shifting work schedules or hiring help.

Depends. Did OP agree to pick up three days a week for more than just the first few days of school? That would be helping either way - a few days or a few weeks or all year. Helping doesn’t have to be just in emergency situations.

We only have OP’s side of the conversation so we will never know what the understanding was with the neighbor.

I have said it twice: I agreed to help pick up the boy so the baby didn’t have to be awakened. But for the past week and today, the baby has been awake when I pick up the boy. So I feel like I was asked to help under false pretenses. The baby has been awake more than not since I started helping so the baby can stay asleep.

oh wait so sometimes the baby IS asleep, not just the first time. Doesnt it seem likely that they dont know when the baby will be asleep or not? The parent asked bc if it were easy and no big deal for you it would be a great benefit. there is no way to know this and a reasonable chance it might have been. But it turns out that you dont want to help someone if they seem to be unfairly benefitting from it regardless of how easy it is for you (5 min).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wild to me how nasty people are here. Just HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR. Why the need for reciprocity or payment? My god you people are awful.

I have been taken advantage of too many times to be this simple. I wish it wasn't the case but there are a lot of people who will just test out to see if you are the kind of person who is "helpful" and then will start taking advantage of you to save them time and money. This has happened to me enough times to be very wary of it.

Helping your neighbor is something like "hey I had to take Larlo to urgent care and DH just told me his train is stopped and he doesn't know when it will start -- can you pick up Larla and let her stay at your house until one of us is back." It's not becoming your neighbors permanent childcare solution to save them the trouble of shifting work schedules or hiring help.

Depends. Did OP agree to pick up three days a week for more than just the first few days of school? That would be helping either way - a few days or a few weeks or all year. Helping doesn’t have to be just in emergency situations.

We only have OP’s side of the conversation so we will never know what the understanding was with the neighbor.

I have said it twice: I agreed to help pick up the boy so the baby didn’t have to be awakened. But for the past week and today, the baby has been awake when I pick up the boy. So I feel like I was asked to help under false pretenses. The baby has been awake more than not since I started helping so the baby can stay asleep.

Then say no.

What is the issue with saying no, OP?

No issue at all. I’ll see how it goes the rest of this week, if baby is happily awake when I pick up, and then make my decision. Thanks for your help!

If you have no issue saying no, why post?

SMH

Thanks for your help.

Now we all feel like you took advantage. Did you mean to waste everyone’s time when you asked for help?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wild to me how nasty people are here. Just HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR. Why the need for reciprocity or payment? My god you people are awful.

I have been taken advantage of too many times to be this simple. I wish it wasn't the case but there are a lot of people who will just test out to see if you are the kind of person who is "helpful" and then will start taking advantage of you to save them time and money. This has happened to me enough times to be very wary of it.

Helping your neighbor is something like "hey I had to take Larlo to urgent care and DH just told me his train is stopped and he doesn't know when it will start -- can you pick up Larla and let her stay at your house until one of us is back." It's not becoming your neighbors permanent childcare solution to save them the trouble of shifting work schedules or hiring help.

Depends. Did OP agree to pick up three days a week for more than just the first few days of school? That would be helping either way - a few days or a few weeks or all year. Helping doesn’t have to be just in emergency situations.

We only have OP’s side of the conversation so we will never know what the understanding was with the neighbor.

We know from OP's account that her understanding was that this was needed specifically because of the infant's sleep schedule. It doesn't actually matter what the neighbor thought they were agreeing to because OP is the one doing the helping. If OP misunderstood then that is on the neighbor for not being clear. When you ask someone for a favor you need to be clear and specific to avoid just this kind of confusion.

It would be different if OP was deriving any benefit from this arrangement. She's not -- the burden is all on her. She was fine helping with the baby's sleep situation but if that's over she wants to stop.

And we are only hearing one side of that conversation. Perhaps OP as not clear.

It is not OP's job to be clear. She is the one doing the favor. She said yes thinking she was agreeing to one thing but it appears they though she was agreeing to something else. But since this entire arrangement is for the other family's benefit then it is on them to set expectations clearly. They didn't so now OP wants out. OP's communication is "yes" or "no." It was originally "yes" and now it's "no." If OP misunderstood that is actually the fault of the other family for not being more clear about what they were asking for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wild to me how nasty people are here. Just HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR. Why the need for reciprocity or payment? My god you people are awful.

I have been taken advantage of too many times to be this simple. I wish it wasn't the case but there are a lot of people who will just test out to see if you are the kind of person who is "helpful" and then will start taking advantage of you to save them time and money. This has happened to me enough times to be very wary of it.

Helping your neighbor is something like "hey I had to take Larlo to urgent care and DH just told me his train is stopped and he doesn't know when it will start -- can you pick up Larla and let her stay at your house until one of us is back." It's not becoming your neighbors permanent childcare solution to save them the trouble of shifting work schedules or hiring help.

Depends. Did OP agree to pick up three days a week for more than just the first few days of school? That would be helping either way - a few days or a few weeks or all year. Helping doesn’t have to be just in emergency situations.

We only have OP’s side of the conversation so we will never know what the understanding was with the neighbor.

I have said it twice: I agreed to help pick up the boy so the baby didn’t have to be awakened. But for the past week and today, the baby has been awake when I pick up the boy. So I feel like I was asked to help under false pretenses. The baby has been awake more than not since I started helping so the baby can stay asleep.

Then say no.

What is the issue with saying no, OP?

No issue at all. I’ll see how it goes the rest of this week, if baby is happily awake when I pick up, and then make my decision. Thanks for your help!

If you have no issue saying no, why post?

SMH

Thanks for your help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wild to me how nasty people are here. Just HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR. Why the need for reciprocity or payment? My god you people are awful.

I have been taken advantage of too many times to be this simple. I wish it wasn't the case but there are a lot of people who will just test out to see if you are the kind of person who is "helpful" and then will start taking advantage of you to save them time and money. This has happened to me enough times to be very wary of it.

Helping your neighbor is something like "hey I had to take Larlo to urgent care and DH just told me his train is stopped and he doesn't know when it will start -- can you pick up Larla and let her stay at your house until one of us is back." It's not becoming your neighbors permanent childcare solution to save them the trouble of shifting work schedules or hiring help.

Depends. Did OP agree to pick up three days a week for more than just the first few days of school? That would be helping either way - a few days or a few weeks or all year. Helping doesn’t have to be just in emergency situations.

We only have OP’s side of the conversation so we will never know what the understanding was with the neighbor.

I have said it twice: I agreed to help pick up the boy so the baby didn’t have to be awakened. But for the past week and today, the baby has been awake when I pick up the boy. So I feel like I was asked to help under false pretenses. The baby has been awake more than not since I started helping so the baby can stay asleep.

Then say no.

What is the issue with saying no, OP?

No issue at all. I’ll see how it goes the rest of this week, if baby is happily awake when I pick up, and then make my decision. Thanks for your help!

If you have no issue saying no, why post?

SMH

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is wild to me how nasty people are here. Just HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR. Why the need for reciprocity or payment? My god you people are awful. [/quote]

I have been taken advantage of too many times to be this simple. I wish it wasn't the case but there are a lot of people who will just test out to see if you are the kind of person who is "helpful" and then will start taking advantage of you to save them time and money. This has happened to me enough times to be very wary of it.

Helping your neighbor is something like "hey I had to take Larlo to urgent care and DH just told me his train is stopped and he doesn't know when it will start -- can you pick up Larla and let her stay at your house until one of us is back." It's not becoming your neighbors permanent childcare solution to save them the trouble of shifting work schedules or hiring help.[/quote]

Depends. Did OP agree to pick up three days a week for more than just the first few days of school? That would be helping either way - a few days or a few weeks or all year. Helping doesn’t have to be just in emergency situations.

We only have OP’s side of the conversation so we will never know what the understanding was with the neighbor. [/quote]

We know from OP's account that her understanding was that this was needed specifically because of the infant's sleep schedule. It doesn't actually matter what the neighbor thought they were agreeing to because OP is the one doing the helping. If OP misunderstood then that is on the neighbor for not being clear. When you ask someone for a favor you need to be clear and specific to avoid just this kind of confusion.

It would be different if OP was deriving any benefit from this arrangement. She's not -- the burden is all on her. She was fine helping with the baby's sleep situation but if that's over she wants to stop.[/quote]

how couod the parent know if over? why did OP go back again without confirming whether the baby was asleep that particular day if it was all about sleep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Wow, people. OP was helping when there were exigent circumstances, but obviously that pressing need isn't as pressing.

Do you all just see everyone else as supporting cast for you? The deal is we ask for help when we need it, but we don't impose if we don't need it (unless it's a trade-off thing, or your very good friend, or something).

it is absolutely a-okay for OP to politely decline to continue this. I doubt everyone in this thread says yes to everything other people might ask -- if you do, then people likely avoid asking you for small annoying things, for whatever reason.

And OP still gets to lean on her community when in dire need. This is obviously not dire need.

Yes I think people are downplaying this, but 10 min/day = 50 min/week which is close to 4 hours/month or the equivalent of almost an entire workweek over the span of 10 months. As a working mom u don’t have that much time to give someone else for their “convenience.”

It’s one thing to trade your own convenience to help someone undergoing cancer treatment or something. But I wouldn’t commit to trading my own morning convenience for someone else’s.

No, it’s 30 mins/wk. Keep up.

Okay so 2 hours/month. I still couldn’t give up 2.5 workdays of my life for someone’s else’s convenience when I’m a working mom as well. Especially if I’m in a household with 2 working adults and no grandparent help. With 3 adults and only 1 working FT this family has more flexibility than most. Also I think this family is trying to have it both ways by having free childcare from grandma but grandma isn’t really able to take care of a preschooler and a baby and get another kid to school without logistical help. I have 3 kids and no family help, so I paid for childcare and took a flexible job. Not just cobbled together help for free so I could not have to pay.

Well, good for you.

But your situation isn't the one under discussion here.

OP can just say no and the neighbor will figure out something else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wild to me how nasty people are here. Just HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR. Why the need for reciprocity or payment? My god you people are awful.

I have been taken advantage of too many times to be this simple. I wish it wasn't the case but there are a lot of people who will just test out to see if you are the kind of person who is "helpful" and then will start taking advantage of you to save them time and money. This has happened to me enough times to be very wary of it.

Helping your neighbor is something like "hey I had to take Larlo to urgent care and DH just told me his train is stopped and he doesn't know when it will start -- can you pick up Larla and let her stay at your house until one of us is back." It's not becoming your neighbors permanent childcare solution to save them the trouble of shifting work schedules or hiring help.

Depends. Did OP agree to pick up three days a week for more than just the first few days of school? That would be helping either way - a few days or a few weeks or all year. Helping doesn’t have to be just in emergency situations.

We only have OP’s side of the conversation so we will never know what the understanding was with the neighbor.

I have said it twice: I agreed to help pick up the boy so the baby didn’t have to be awakened. But for the past week and today, the baby has been awake when I pick up the boy. So I feel like I was asked to help under false pretenses. The baby has been awake more than not since I started helping so the baby can stay asleep.

Listen, give the kid a ride or don't, but you need to be more charitable in thought at least. Assume best intentions. It'll save your blood pressure.

I assume they think they will car pool when the baby is older. But you don't like helping, so do not help. It really is that simple.