you are assuming all kids go to college and stay in THAT area. I didn't. I knew my ultimate destination was likely DC area, but I didn't choose a school here.

As an adult, you go to where the situation is best for you. And that can change over time, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

So you’re going to insist your kids not do what both you and DH did? Good luck with that! LOL.

Absolutely. I will support their travel and exploration in their 20s - much like I did - but have impressed upon them the importance of living near family as they embark on their professional careers and family lives. Being near loved ones as we age will make or break you. Luckily, my kids have grown up in a culture that values family togetherness and I'm pretty sure that they will seek that out as adults.
My siblings moved away from home, as I did. One was so miserable that he eventually moved back after a few years, and the other is stuck for a bit until he can return. His wife is incredibly lonely. I've told my DH that we will only live in DC metro - where his extended family has all now moved - or in my hometown. We will not live in a city without family ties.

Obviously, that is the other option to achieve what you want. Move to where your kids settle.

You never mention the name of your hometown, but it doesn't sound like a place with a lot of career opportunity. Doesn't sound like a good move for your kids if you move to your hometown.

Also, don't most people embark on their professional careers in their 20s? You seem to be giving your kids mixed messages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

This. Definitely this. I LOVE that my now college age students are within a two/three hour (depending on traffic patterns) of our home. They choose to be home for every family celebration, often bringing a group of friends with them. We are so unbelievably blessed to have such a close family unit (both extended and our own) and we do everything to nurture our family gatherings to the max. Family is everything and we count our blessings that we did not "screw" up in the parenting department.

If they’re ambitious, you have no guarantees they’ll stay local if they get job offers somewhere else. Also, people often move for spouses or spouses careers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

So you’re going to insist your kids not do what both you and DH did? Good luck with that! LOL.

Absolutely. I will support their travel and exploration in their 20s - much like I did - but have impressed upon them the importance of living near family as they embark on their professional careers and family lives. Being near loved ones as we age will make or break you. Luckily, my kids have grown up in a culture that values family togetherness and I'm pretty sure that they will seek that out as adults.
My siblings moved away from home, as I did. One was so miserable that he eventually moved back after a few years, and the other is stuck for a bit until he can return. His wife is incredibly lonely. I've told my DH that we will only live in DC metro - where his extended family has all now moved - or in my hometown. We will not live in a city without family ties.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

So you’re going to insist your kids not do what both you and DH did? Good luck with that! LOL.

She's not wrong, though, and I say that as the PP whose child is 10 hours away. It's really a no-win situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

So you’re going to insist your kids not do what both you and DH did? Good luck with that! LOL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

This. Definitely this. I LOVE that my now college age students are within a two/three hour (depending on traffic patterns) of our home. They choose to be home for every family celebration, often bringing a group of friends with them. We are so unbelievably blessed to have such a close family unit (both extended and our own) and we do everything to nurture our family gatherings to the max. Family is everything and we count our blessings that we did not "screw" up in the parenting department.

Letting your child fly farther does not mean you screwed up.

- PP

And your child coming home frequently also doesn’t guarantee that you *didn’t* screw up. Sounds like codependency to me.

these last 2 comments

Some kids aren't going home because they want to be part of family events. It's because they can't get along on their own, which is a problem.

How about we don't generalize because every single situation is different? Just don't assume you know why a kid chooses close or far from home.

Would it have been slightly easier logistics wise if my child had picked the schools closer to home (3-4 hours away)? Sure. But I also know that the school she picked is absolutely the right place for her, so the ONLY negative is that it is farther from home.

This. Mine is close to 10 hours away, and while I wish he'd stayed closer, gone to a normal school, and been able to come home during the semester, he's at the right place for him. We did not screw up by letting him go. We succeeded.

- PP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

This. Definitely this. I LOVE that my now college age students are within a two/three hour (depending on traffic patterns) of our home. They choose to be home for every family celebration, often bringing a group of friends with them. We are so unbelievably blessed to have such a close family unit (both extended and our own) and we do everything to nurture our family gatherings to the max. Family is everything and we count our blessings that we did not "screw" up in the parenting department.

Letting your child fly farther does not mean you screwed up.

- PP

And your child coming home frequently also doesn’t guarantee that you *didn’t* screw up. Sounds like codependency to me.

This is starting to sound too close to the other thread about crying over college starting that got locked, but yeah. One of those PP's saw her child ever few weeks and talked on the phone even more frequently, and that's just bizarre. Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

This. Definitely this. I LOVE that my now college age students are within a two/three hour (depending on traffic patterns) of our home. They choose to be home for every family celebration, often bringing a group of friends with them. We are so unbelievably blessed to have such a close family unit (both extended and our own) and we do everything to nurture our family gatherings to the max. Family is everything and we count our blessings that we did not "screw" up in the parenting department.

Letting your child fly farther does not mean you screwed up.

- PP

And your child coming home frequently also doesn’t guarantee that you *didn’t* screw up. Sounds like codependency to me.

these last 2 comments

Some kids aren't going home because they want to be part of family events. It's because they can't get along on their own, which is a problem.

How about we don't generalize because every single situation is different? Just don't assume you know why a kid chooses close or far from home.

Would it have been slightly easier logistics wise if my child had picked the schools closer to home (3-4 hours away)? Sure. But I also know that the school she picked is absolutely the right place for her, so the ONLY negative is that it is farther from home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

This. Definitely this. I LOVE that my now college age students are within a two/three hour (depending on traffic patterns) of our home. They choose to be home for every family celebration, often bringing a group of friends with them. We are so unbelievably blessed to have such a close family unit (both extended and our own) and we do everything to nurture our family gatherings to the max. Family is everything and we count our blessings that we did not "screw" up in the parenting department.

Letting your child fly farther does not mean you screwed up.

- PP

And your child coming home frequently also doesn’t guarantee that you *didn’t* screw up. Sounds like codependency to me.

I want them close to home because it will be cheaper. I also don't care for the dorm life and the crap that happens there.
First one is going to CC and then hopefully some local school. As far as seeing them, they are never home as it is.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up on the east coast, then went to college in the midwest, and it was so mind-opening for me. Being far from home showed me that a lot of things I’d taken for granted, assuming “that’s just how people are,” were in fact regionally-specific cultural traits that I could choose to keep, or not. It really opened my world, and parts of myself, in a way that I’m grateful for today.

Because going far from home was so meaningful for me, I encouraged my kids to consider schools that were in different parts of the country and in communities that felt different from the world they’d known. One did, and had a similar experience to mine. We’ll see about kid #2.

I understand why people wouldn’t want their kids to go far, of course. But I’m very glad I did.

Great comment, and a nice antidote to this “people from loving families don’t move away” nonsense.

Wait till your kid HAS to go "close" cuz all they can get into is community college and you have to deal with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

This. Definitely this. I LOVE that my now college age students are within a two/three hour (depending on traffic patterns) of our home. They choose to be home for every family celebration, often bringing a group of friends with them. We are so unbelievably blessed to have such a close family unit (both extended and our own) and we do everything to nurture our family gatherings to the max. Family is everything and we count our blessings that we did not "screw" up in the parenting department.

Letting your child fly farther does not mean you screwed up.

- PP

People who don't understand -- that others have a different preference -- well, you are the narrow-minded we are trying to get away from.

You're obnoxious and simple minded