Anonymous
08/16/2024 10:01
Subject: Re:Men with children out of wedlock
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not really.
Only because this is 2024 & our society doesn’t necessarily look down on people who have children w/out being married.
Reason being is that more people are independent now, and they make their own decisions in their lives for them + them only.
Not based on what society or other people dictate.
Sure it is okay to believe in tradition and if that is how you think that is clearly okay to do.
Depending on how important this issue is to you it can affect the dating dynamics that modern dating can entail.
I personally wouldn’t write off a man who had a child out of wedlock just based on that one fact……
Other things would impact whether or not I would date him such as his relationship w/his child now + whether or not he is playing an active part in that child’s life currently.
In other words, the present would be more important to me than the past in a case like this.
I think, rather, people publicly cannot say anything about how this is generally a bad thing because so many kids are born to unmarried mothers.
I personally don't know why people would commit to bringing a child into the world if they can't commit to marriage. The first is lightyears more intense and important than the second. If you don't love each other enough to commit, then it's crazy to have a baby with someone if you have the choice. I would never commit to a man who had a baby out of wedlock with a woman because I think it shows he doesn't take having a child seriously enough... either to protect them from an unplanned pregnancy or to get into a relationship and have sex with someone he doesn't love.
Also, you'd be called racist in a heartbeat because a higher proportion of unwed mothers are minorities. White people 100% cannot ever publicly state a preference for kids to be born in a committed relationship.
Anonymous
08/16/2024 09:59
Subject: Re:Men with children out of wedlock
Anonymous wrote:Not really.
Only because this is 2024 & our society doesn’t necessarily look down on people who have children w/out being married.
Reason being is that more people are independent now, and they make their own decisions in their lives for them + them only.
Not based on what society or other people dictate.
Sure it is okay to believe in tradition and if that is how you think that is clearly okay to do.
Depending on how important this issue is to you it can affect the dating dynamics that modern dating can entail.
I personally wouldn’t write off a man who had a child out of wedlock just based on that one fact……
Other things would impact whether or not I would date him such as his relationship w/his child now + whether or not he is playing an active part in that child’s life currently.
In other words, the present would be more important to me than the past in a case like this.
I think, rather, people publicly cannot say anything about how this is generally a bad thing because so many kids are born to unmarried mothers.
I personally don't know why people would commit to bringing a child into the world if they can't commit to marriage. The first is lightyears more intense and important than the second. If you don't love each other enough to commit, then it's crazy to have a baby with someone if you have the choice. I would never commit to a man who had a baby out of wedlock with a woman because I think it shows he doesn't take having a child seriously enough... either to protect them from an unplanned pregnancy or to get into a relationship and have sex with someone he doesn't love.
Anonymous
08/16/2024 05:04
Subject: Men with children out of wedlock
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:lol. So divorce establishes the permission structure. “See? I’m not the only one who thought he was marriage material.”
So weird.
No, that is not the logic. I’d marry someone who was never married as well. Divorce says….I think having a baby with someone is serious enough to warrant marriage. It sucks that the marriage didn’t work out. There is surely stuff to investigate on why it ended. But we are on the same page with respect to the importance of kids being born inside of marriage. Everyone doesn’t have to agree. Those just happen to be my values, and something I want my partner to agree with.
What if the guy wanted to get married but the mother didn’t? It takes two to have a wedding.
The fact that she didn’t want to marry him…..says something.
+1. Don’t avoid dating my ex bc we had a great child together. Child is amazing. Avoid dating him for the same reasons I didn’t marry him, and I’ll leave it at that. If that doesn’t turn you off, he has no involvement in her life, and when asked why, claims it’s because I still want a relationship with him, so he has to keep his distance. It would be laughable if it weren’t so sad for DD. He has never been able to focus just on her, but this is because he is who he is.
Anonymous
08/16/2024 04:44
Subject: Re:Men with children out of wedlock
Anonymous wrote:Not really.
Only because this is 2024 & our society doesn’t necessarily look down on people who have children w/out being married.
Reason being is that more people are independent now, and they make their own decisions in their lives for them + them only.
Not based on what society or other people dictate.
Sure it is okay to believe in tradition and if that is how you think that is clearly okay to do.
Depending on how important this issue is to you it can affect the dating dynamics that modern dating can entail.
I personally wouldn’t write off a man who had a child out of wedlock just based on that one fact……
Other things would impact whether or not I would date him such as his relationship w/his child now + whether or not he is playing an active part in that child’s life currently.
In other words, the present would be more important to me than the past in a case like this.
Also look at the childs mother relationships with the dad. My ex wife has turned into an insane lunatic and barbaric person once I started dating. She even started stalking my gf, lying to our kids and eventually I broke up with her. I will have to go the legal route next time.
So I think that's the most important thing to look for. Similarly for men too, do your homework and make sure you are not dealing with a deranged and jealous ex partner. Some people really can't accept a break up and become rather animalistic once their ex partners are romantically involved with new people