DCUM Forum

Anonymous

08/12/2024 03:51 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever. I have a terrible relationship with my crappy mom that required lots of therapy to get over, but my own two daughters are my favorite people in the world and I love hanging out with them. So glad I didn’t do all this self absorbed navel gazing that kept me from creating these two awesome people. Just get on with it, or don’t, damn. I’m tired of hearing about your thought process either way

How do you know your daughters feel the same way about you?

Through their words and actions. Sorry, I know you really want to find some reason my life is Bad Actually but some people just have loving happy relationships with their families

Anonymous

08/12/2024 00:56 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

Anonymous wrote:I like having adult children. I don't think it's overrated at all. I also like spending time with my own parents. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anonymous

08/12/2024 00:16 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

Anonymous wrote:Without kids, life is meaningless, and nothing is worse than that

Meaning is what you make out of life. There is no single path.

Anonymous

08/11/2024 23:22 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

Kids are EXPENSIVE!!!

Anonymous

08/11/2024 23:16 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

Anonymous wrote:Agree. If I had known I wouldn’t have had kids.

It’s a very hard job because the village is gone.

Anonymous

08/11/2024 23:08 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

I like having adult children. I don't think it's overrated at all. I also like spending time with my own parents. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anonymous

08/11/2024 22:37 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

Without kids, life is meaningless, and nothing is worse than that

Anonymous

08/11/2024 22:36 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

If raising kids was so great, God/Evolution wouldn't have needed to make sex feel good.

Anonymous

08/11/2024 22:08 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I started to feel this way around the time my kids went to college. I thought I had it all figured out when they were younger.

It’s kind of depressing. Of all the people I know maybe 5-10% actually enjoy spending time with their older parents. The rest find them annoying. Not great odds! I just spent the weekend with my elderly parents and it’s hard especially when in you’re in the sandwich.

OP here. Exactly. This is really it. People always focus on how hard it is to be a parent when your kids are little. And it is hard but it’s also often very gratifying too because they love you and think you’re awesome.

But in reality how many adults adore spending time with their aging parents? They may love them and feel they need to respect them. And hopefully as a parent you’re proud of your adult child. I think for most people it’s kind of a mixture.

But we never really talk about that when we talk about having kids. And I think it’s almost impossible for people to accurately imagine their lives too far in the future.

Right now my kid is leaving and doesn’t seem very thankful for anything I’ve done for them—which is a lot. So that’s why I’m all…this crap wasn’t worth it. Of course it goes back and forth personally.

But I really do look at some of these young couples and want to say…come be a parent to my 18 year old getting ready for college for a weekend and see if this is what you had in mind? Your DINK life might seem really good. Are you sure you want to mess with that?

But what is it like to be aging and not have any kids to care about you? I know it’s not guaranteed that adult kids will care, but it’s a better chance than nothing.

Anonymous

08/11/2024 21:54 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

Anonymous wrote:I can’t relate to your post, and frankly I don’t have any friends that I am close to who could either. Just not our experience or outlook at all. I think yours is a very minority view.

I think you’re so wrong and your friends just aren’t real with each other. If none of your friends can relate, I think you probably have your head in the sand.

Anonymous

08/11/2024 21:45 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

Anonymous wrote:Whatever. I have a terrible relationship with my crappy mom that required lots of therapy to get over, but my own two daughters are my favorite people in the world and I love hanging out with them. So glad I didn’t do all this self absorbed navel gazing that kept me from creating these two awesome people. Just get on with it, or don’t, damn. I’m tired of hearing about your thought process either way

How do you know your daughters feel the same way about you?

Anonymous

08/11/2024 21:24 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I started to feel this way around the time my kids went to college. I thought I had it all figured out when they were younger.

It’s kind of depressing. Of all the people I know maybe 5-10% actually enjoy spending time with their older parents. The rest find them annoying. Not great odds! I just spent the weekend with my elderly parents and it’s hard especially when in you’re in the sandwich.

OP here. Exactly. This is really it. People always focus on how hard it is to be a parent when your kids are little. And it is hard but it’s also often very gratifying too because they love you and think you’re awesome.

But in reality how many adults adore spending time with their aging parents? They may love them and feel they need to respect them. And hopefully as a parent you’re proud of your adult child. I think for most people it’s kind of a mixture.

But we never really talk about that when we talk about having kids. And I think it’s almost impossible for people to accurately imagine their lives too far in the future.

Right now my kid is leaving and doesn’t seem very thankful for anything I’ve done for them—which is a lot. So that’s why I’m all…this crap wasn’t worth it. Of course it goes back and forth personally.

But I really do look at some of these young couples and want to say…come be a parent to my 18 year old getting ready for college for a weekend and see if this is what you had in mind? Your DINK life might seem really good. Are you sure you want to mess with that?

OP, I couldn’t stand my parents when I first went off to college. But with the benefit of space from each other I began to appreciate them and am now very close with them, particularly my mom. We now travel together at times and text/talk often. Because of me they get to be grandparents and absolutely adore them. I love getting to see my kids have a relationship with them.

DH is close with his parents as well. They are local and come to a lot of our kids’ soccer games and such.

Who your child is at 18 at a stage in life when they are supposed to naturally want to separate from you is not necessarily reflective of who they will be at 30 or 40 so I wouldn’t give up hope yet.

Anonymous

08/11/2024 21:23 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

Anonymous wrote:OP your child knows how you feel about them. For all the “but I love them” it sounds like you really don’t. You’ve posted many times here and I haven’t seen you say once kind thing about your child. Saying you love them then wondering if you’d be happier if they had never been born- that’s not love. And your child knows it.
Try to fake gratitude for your child and you mom until it becomes a habit. It can make a big difference in your happiness.

OP here. Well, right now I don’t feel so great about them because they’re being a jerk. But there are 100+ positive things I could say, but that’s not what this was about. It’s not a personal brag fest about my kid. But ok. They are very smart, kind (except to me), funny, artistic, have a good head on their shoulders, a loyal friend, can really make me laugh, pretty…I don’t know. Seems kind of silly because these are all the things most parents would say about their kids.

I never said I thought I would be happier if they hadn’t been born. I don’t regret having my child. I just wonder if I would have made the same decision if I knew all the painful feelings of them growing up and leaving and how it never really ends…that you will always worry, that they might not be great kids to you as adults. I was just looking through old videos and missing my kid when they were younger and happy. Been so long since I’ve seen my child really joyful and I don’t know why. Not for lack of trying on my part. It makes me sad. Wears me down. Just so hard and so can feel so sad.

Anonymous

08/11/2024 21:13 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you never connected with your child. It has to be terrible for your child, too, knowing you think they were a waste of your time.

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OP here. If you really read anything I said, you’d see I never said that. My child is neurodivergent, which became more pronounced as they got older and social connection got more complicated. So there is some truth is having difficulty connecting—more after puberty. But it has never been for lack of trying. I have never felt they are a waste of my time. I just wonder if the pain outweighs the joy.

Anonymous

08/11/2024 20:58 Subject: Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

OP your child knows how you feel about them. For all the “but I love them” it sounds like you really don’t. You’ve posted many times here and I haven’t seen you say once kind thing about your child. Saying you love them then wondering if you’d be happier if they had never been born- that’s not love. And your child knows it.
Try to fake gratitude for your child and you mom until it becomes a habit. It can make a big difference in your happiness.