Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend of just under a year has started telling me "I'll let you get this" or "Next round is on you" when we are out. To be clear, I am NOT the type of person who expects a man to pay for everything. If we are nickel and diming each other, I paid $200 for dinner last week and paid for a dinner last night (because I was the one who wanted to go out and picked the restaurant, so I offered to pay). It bothers me because I would never say to him, after paying for dinner, "Okay, next round is on you" because that just seems rude. Thoughts?

Hi honey,

I have a 61 yo boyfriend who is exactly like this. They don’t change, it gets worse as they get more conditioned to it being ok to just be sort of unkind, and the bad feeling you have will bloom into dislike. I can say that I just about hate my boyfriend now. He’s such an a$$ but I’m stuck with him because he he now lives with me and pays, you guessed it, exactly half of the rent. And I want that money.

Good luck and if you aren’t already financially with him, don’t go any further. You won’t feel loved by him.

Best wishes to you

You should stop trying to shake down your BF for free stuff.

So simple.

Have a conversation about what you each think is fair.

It is a bad sign that you are seeking advice online, instead of just talking directly to him.

Clearly, your current arrangement is starting to engender resentment on both sides.

Anonymous wrote:He wants to make a change to your financial arrangement and this is how he’s bringing it up. It’s not great. He gets a C-.

If you love him, I would say “hey, I’m fine with us sharing expenses equally but I don’t love this dynamic where you tell me what to buy, can we talk about it?”

See how he handles that. There are endless apps and things you could use to track and split costs.

I would give his approach a D- This is a hard no because it is passive aggressive and takes for granted her time/money/schedule instead. You don’t sign someone else up for their time or money without asking them and you certainly don’t do it out in public. If there is an underlying issue, it needs to be approached directly. Can you imagine with kids if your spouse makes a decision that they will take on x, therefore you take on y without discussing it and says it after they’ve done their part? The answer isn’t necessarily an app to make it easier it’s to first discuss what someone feels is imbalanced before it crosses over into resentment and talk thru possibilities. Who knows of OP even wants to go to expensive dinners on the regular when looking at where they want to spend their discretionary income.

As the OP I would address it directly about what’s going on and the dynamic about telling you what you will do based on his decision of what he’s decided to do is not okay. And if it does get to topic of shared expenses, first- I would want to understand between “no woman should pay for me” to “you got the next one babe” shift. Honestly that sounds like the type of guy that talks the talk of being a provider but would be the first in line looking for alimony if you ever made more than him. Second because he makes significantly more than you, any shared expenses need to be proportional.

I’d suggest going Dutch on everything. Pay your way, he pays his way. Not half, but if you order salad and he orders main plus appetizers, he pays for main and appetizers. Then he can’t accuse you of using him for money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is new behavior, it indicates some pent up resentment and he doesn’t think you are “chipping in” nearly as much as you think you are.

Possible, but also telling how much he cares. This gives work colleague vibes.
Men who are in love and who love their SO are happy to pay.

He does pay!

Women who are in love and who love their SO are happy to pay. OP doesn't love him.

Good luck with that approach, loser

Is he having a financial experience that's making him panic? At quick glance, he seems like a jerk. It sounds like you're already moving on. If you haven't already, say, "I don't appreciate XYZ.." His response will be telling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys don't like each other. You're offended by his gently teaching you manners while you don't get the point and start to pull your weight. He's miserable about life and you don't make him happy.

Break up, or be FWB and pay your share.

That is not gentle - that's just dickish. Gentle and mature is having a conversation - not instructing someone that they will be taking YOU out for dinner next time.

Exactly. Op probably wouldn’t touch these guys with a ten foot pole and they’re mad.

Anonymous wrote:Because he knows if he doesn't say anything you will try to drain him dry for free dinners, coffees, and basically all ither entertainment bills. If you don'tike it, just tell him straight up you guys are splitting all bills while going out.

“Draw him dry”….grow up

Anonymous wrote:You guys don't like each other. You're offended by his gently teaching you manners while you don't get the point and start to pull your weight. He's miserable about life and you don't make him happy.

Break up, or be FWB and pay your share.

That is not gentle - that's just dickish. Gentle and mature is having a conversation - not instructing someone that they will be taking YOU out for dinner next time.

Anonymous wrote:You guys don't like each other. You're offended by his gently teaching you manners while you don't get the point and start to pull your weight. He's miserable about life and you don't make him happy.

Break up, or be FWB and pay your share.

“Gently teaching her manners.” Lol. Yes. Because telling someone “you’re paying for this” is soooooo polite.

I see the dudes who troll this forum have woken up for a long day of being pissed off they can’t get laid.

America cease to exist in 10 years? Then why is he not making plans to move to another country?

He's probably waaaay down an online rabbit hole of crazy stuff and you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg. Break up today and don't look back.

Break up with him. This is just going to get worse and it will annoy for the rest of your life if you end up together.

Because he knows if he doesn't say anything you will try to drain him dry for free dinners, coffees, and basically all ither entertainment bills. If you don'tike it, just tell him straight up you guys are splitting all bills while going out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to him about it first before dumping him. Give it 30 days. If he continues, next.

No. She does not need to parent this guy. The communication style is the issue. She does not need to waste years of her fertility to fix him. Tell him the problem when you break up, OP. He can fix it or not, on his own.

Who is going to fix OP? If she can't have a conversation with someone, she'll never learn.