Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are not high achieving students, college tuition is so incredible high. If my kids were excellent students, involved in extracurriculars then, yes, I can see paying most of it, all if they go to a state university. Right now their cum can’t even get them in a state college. DD has a glorified outlook she’ll go to an out of state, a not so “fancy” one says- they all cost $40k tuition nevermind lodging, foid, and transport. DH is the kind of guy that caves in…

They’re in a parochial, private high school that we are paying for with these lukewarm grades. I can’t afford more tutors. How did you deliver the news to the kids that they have no choice? To your “princess?”

Kids become high achieving excellent students who are involved in extracurricular activities because of the nurturing home and intelligent parents who prioritize education. You are a dud who has raised duds. Send them to college or not send them to college, it does not matter. Their success or failure does not concern you because you are a checked out parent.

I'm not the OP, but my child struggled in school no matter what we did to try to help her. I NEVER checked out. We got her the help we could and she chose whether or not to use it. We encouraged her to participate in things, and she wanted nothing to do with school clubs. The only thing she cared enough to stick with was her performing art that she did in and out of school.

I'm not claiming to be the best parent - far from it. But we busted our ass and become emotionally exhausted to help our child to the best of our ability and she didn't do great in HS. That is NOT on us - she cannot be FORCED into being a great student.

+1 College educated parents making $300k. Oldest child NMSF, 1560 SAT CS major. Child 2 2.6 GPA, cuts class constantly, skips practices, pothead, suicide attempts. Multiple therapists, specialized schooling etc. Numerous sleepless nights. Trying our best.

You will have to sit the kids down and explain to them you used all the money to send them to private / parochial school and they aren't performing well so there won't be money for private or out of state universities like some of their friends are going to. Their choice is community college or a state school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The highest and most successful people are C and B students.

I graduated a 77 GPA. C plus. Graduated college a 2.65 GPA. No name school.

I need the degree not a GPA to work. I had a big executive office making 300k to 500k a year last 20 years.

I be cleaning toilets without my college degree

This isn’t feasible now, things/life has changed and become more competitive. Thank goodness my kids have the gift of the “gab”that will help push them through. One can always get a job in sales.

+1. Don't want my kids waiting tables for life

1) I think you're struggling with the concept that CC>state school is much more affordable route. I'm pretty frugal, so I can understand how this is enticing. Don't forget that the college experience is much more than taking classes. Going away and living in dorms forces growth and independence upon your kids, it's invaluable. Socially, they will be much better off with the opportunities that a freshman year in the dorms would provide as opposed to a freshman year in CC. That being said, network is really important and at a CC their network will look very different than at a 4 year.

Now with that being said, the kid with the 2.7 might not be ready, but they might just need a different setting. Don't rule out LACS, they can provide a lot of aid to the non-traditional applicant if you look hard.

Overall it's just not as black and white as you project it to be. Look at their strengths and weaknesses and who they are as individuals, don't boil them down to a GPA.

If it boils down to a regional school vs CC, I'd reconsider the 4 year route. A lot of the regional schools have terrible graduation rates and you don't want to put your kid that's struggling now, in an environment where 50% of the students don't make it. You want to immerse them into a culture of accomplishment, and in this scenario that might be the local CC.

Anonymous wrote:Most of my colleagues went to second-tier state schools. According to the 990, they all make more than I do (and it’s justified—they are all really smart and do good work!).

Unless your kids say they want to be Supreme Court justices, it’s perfectly fine for them to go to second (or third!)-tier state schools. Work hard, network harder, and focus on their first job out of school (or grad school, if that is the required path for them, but don’t burn money on a masters just to delay working in an entry level job).

Look at Amy coney Barrett who went to Rhodes for undergrad

My kid has special needs. We worked extremely hard and he worked extremely hard to claw his way to a good gpa and high test scores. Now we’re paying for a private university.

Kids with needs end up costing more, in effort, money and mental bandwidth. But if you don’t help them, they’ll do even worse.

Anonymous wrote:The highest and most successful people are C and B students.

I graduated a 77 GPA. C plus. Graduated college a 2.65 GPA. No name school.

I need the degree not a GPA to work. I had a big executive office making 300k to 500k a year last 20 years.

I be cleaning toilets without my college degree

This isn’t feasible now, things/life has changed and become more competitive. Thank goodness my kids have the gift of the “gab”that will help push them through. One can always get a job in sales.

I think the highest and most successful people are those willing to put in the work.

Anonymous wrote:The highest and most successful people are C and B students.

I graduated a 77 GPA. C plus. Graduated college a 2.65 GPA. No name school.

I need the degree not a GPA to work. I had a big executive office making 300k to 500k a year last 20 years.

I be cleaning toilets without my college degree

you got a cite for that? it's certainly not true in my world

The highest and most successful people are C and B students.

I graduated a 77 GPA. C plus. Graduated college a 2.65 GPA. No name school.

I need the degree not a GPA to work. I had a big executive office making 300k to 500k a year last 20 years.

I be cleaning toilets without my college degree

Anonymous wrote:Kids are not high achieving students, college tuition is so incredible high. If my kids were excellent students, involved in extracurriculars then, yes, I can see paying most of it, all if they go to a state university. Right now their cum can’t even get them in a state college. DD has a glorified outlook she’ll go to an out of state, a not so “fancy” one says- they all cost $40k tuition nevermind lodging, foid, and transport. DH is the kind of guy that caves in…

They’re in a parochial, private high school that we are paying for with these lukewarm grades. I can’t afford more tutors. How did you deliver the news to the kids that they have no choice? To your “princess?”

Maryland and Virginia both have non-selective state colleges
Community colleges are open enrollment.

Share your budget. They can figure out that it will get them a state school or they can pull their socks up to get better grades and thus get some merit aid for something pricier. That's on them to achieve if they want it badly enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]Tell them they should go to community college for a year or two and figure out if they are going to put in the work needed to succeed in college. Many State colleges have automatic admission for students with a certain number of credits coming from community college.

[/b]


This. It's a very reasonable and cost efficient plan. VA, and California are states with vibrant community college transfer programs.

Unsaid it the fact that the OP said her kids were in parochial schools. Some Catholics believe that large families and the gift of life are paramount and secondary education comes after. That is not me, but it is a fact. My kid was in parochial school and there we met many families with huge families. In some of these (12 kids!), the kid is on their own at 18. The parents cannot afford college. That is the parents' choice and a view I don't share but one that some Catholic (and Mormon) families have. So give OP a break.

+1. You are all imposing your values upon a family which you know nothing about. Some families have different values.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are not high achieving students, college tuition is so incredible high. If my kids were excellent students, involved in extracurriculars then, yes, I can see paying most of it, all if they go to a state university. Right now their cum can’t even get them in a state college. DD has a glorified outlook she’ll go to an out of state, a not so “fancy” one says- they all cost $40k tuition nevermind lodging, foid, and transport. DH is the kind of guy that caves in…

They’re in a parochial, private high school that we are paying for with these lukewarm grades. I can’t afford more tutors. How did you deliver the news to the kids that they have no choice? To your “princess?”

Kids become high achieving excellent students who are involved in extracurricular activities because of the nurturing home and intelligent parents who prioritize education. You are a dud who has raised duds. Send them to college or not send them to college, it does not matter. Their success or failure does not concern you because you are a checked out parent.

I'm not the OP, but my child struggled in school no matter what we did to try to help her. I NEVER checked out. We got her the help we could and she chose whether or not to use it. We encouraged her to participate in things, and she wanted nothing to do with school clubs. The only thing she cared enough to stick with was her performing art that she did in and out of school.

I'm not claiming to be the best parent - far from it. But we busted our ass and become emotionally exhausted to help our child to the best of our ability and she didn't do great in HS. That is NOT on us - she cannot be FORCED into being a great student.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are not high achieving students, college tuition is so incredible high. If my kids were excellent students, involved in extracurriculars then, yes, I can see paying most of it, all if they go to a state university. Right now their cum can’t even get them in a state college. DD has a glorified outlook she’ll go to an out of state, a not so “fancy” one says- they all cost $40k tuition nevermind lodging, foid, and transport. DH is the kind of guy that caves in…

They’re in a parochial, private high school that we are paying for with these lukewarm grades. I can’t afford more tutors. How did you deliver the news to the kids that they have no choice? To your “princess?”

Poor little Muffy.