Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is obsurd. It’s vacation for Gods sake. Why can’t he take a darn nap every day if he wants. Go do what you want to do with your kids if you want. You make it sound as if his naps hold you hostage. Grow up and take charge of your own life. Stop complaining and focus on yourself and your needs and your kids needs.

Because it's not HIS vacation. It's his FAMILY'S vacation.

Okay so for a family of 4 in a given 12 hour day each family member should get to dictate the agenda for 2-3 hours . If dad wants to set aside his time for downtime/napping I don’t see the problem.

You're proposing a not entirely unreasonable solution, but one that relies on flexibility. You can't say, "well, sorry, Timmy, you said you wanted to go stand-up paddleboarding, but the stand doesn't open until 11 a.m., and we're giving you the 7-10 a.m. slot. Oh well!" No, you negotiate and stay flexible to make sure everyone gets some time. You say something like, "We're going to have a chill morning, kids find something to do, and in the afternoon we're doing the stand up paddle boarding and the family cooking class."

The problem appears to be the OP's DH is completely inflexible about it.

The way our family handles it is we have several days of activity and then a "chill day" where there is no obligation for anyone—everyone amuses themselves in the pool area. But even on those days I can't imagine taking 2+ hours where I'm completely inaccessible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is obsurd. It’s vacation for Gods sake. Why can’t he take a darn nap every day if he wants. Go do what you want to do with your kids if you want. You make it sound as if his naps hold you hostage. Grow up and take charge of your own life. Stop complaining and focus on yourself and your needs and your kids needs.

Because it's not HIS vacation. It's his FAMILY'S vacation.

Okay so for a family of 4 in a given 12 hour day each family member should get to dictate the agenda for 2-3 hours . If dad wants to set aside his time for downtime/napping I don’t see the problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds very selfish. If he can stay awake all day at work, he can do it when he is parenting.

Your kids are almost out of the house. There will be plenty of time for a nap in a few years.

+1

If you'd rather sleep than vacation with them, arrange that. If you want to vacation with them, do your job.

I think many people (especially men) if given the choice of relaxing at home for a week for free or traveling to an expensive beautiful exotic locale where they are expected to be “on” and spending quality time with their children (who are plenty old enough to self entertain for a few hours) during all day time hours will opt out of the vacation so be careful what you wish for.

Anonymous wrote:This post is obsurd. It’s vacation for Gods sake. Why can’t he take a darn nap every day if he wants. Go do what you want to do with your kids if you want. You make it sound as if his naps hold you hostage. Grow up and take charge of your own life. Stop complaining and focus on yourself and your needs and your kids needs.

Because it's not HIS vacation. It's his FAMILY'S vacation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids should be old enough to do something independently. No? I'd get it if they were little, but how "on" do you need to be for kids that age? Why can't you get time to yourself as well, if you want it?

Well, I’m open to suggestions. The pool won’t allow kids under 14 to swim unsupervised, so I have to be there. I’m also not just sending my 11 and newly 13yo out into an unfamiliar city. So I guess I also have to go?

And why wouldn’t you go? Do you need to be lock step with your husband? You sound too needy.

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to be together 100% of the time on vacation. Go do stuff with the kids when he naps. You sound really whiny. I also wonder if you work.

The problem is that it doesn't sound like it's him just dozing off at the pool, and everyone needs to let Dad have his moment, so c'mon kids let's go see about those soft-serve cones at the beach bar. It sounds like it's really demanding and bad behavior if he doesn't get his lengthy nap EVERY DAY, regardless of what she has planned or what the kids hope for. You know that part of the day when all the other families leave the pool area to go check out the local Mayan ruin, the bead art activity, the cenote swimming trip, the banana boat ride, the ferry over to Cozumel, the daddy-son fishing charter, the para-sailing, the kayak lessons... yeah, this guy is telling his family to go sit in the pool and wait for him to finish his 2+ hr nap.

Also, frankly, I suspect he's not napping, just spending some quality time with his favorite OnlyFans account back in the hotel room.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this. He sleeps a lot, naps at strange hours and likes to sit around/relax a lot. My teens/tweens get super bored with that (and so do I). We almost always rent a condo/AB&B etc - hotel rooms don’t work.

He often only comes for part of our trips (preplanned- he will join then return home while we stay on longer), or just stays home altogether.

I am resentful about this but decided long ago not to make it a further issue or rock the boat. The thing that really bothers me is- he has no issue with this if on a golf of fishing vacation with friends. It is definitely a choice he is making.

As a dad, there are 1,000 things I'd rather be doing than paddling around the pool with the kids, or kicking a ball on the beach. I haven't ever taken a vacation with friends since I had kids, and before then it was only a few bachelor parties—if your kids could've had a better vacation, or if your spouse is going to be put out, why would you do that? To the extent I see myself ever doing it, it'll be when the kids are away from home.

PP: I fully support/encourage my DH getting away with friends and have no problem with it at all. Just wish he gave family vacations the same level of effort/respect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH. Let the poor man sleep. Surely you can figure this out and not resent him. You sound controlling.

Sorry, grown ups don’t get to take time out everyday for themselves when they have little kids. That is not realistic.

If you need/want this, go away without the kids.

You think 11 and 13 years are little kids?

This post is obsurd. It’s vacation for Gods sake. Why can’t he take a darn nap every day if he wants. Go do what you want to do with your kids if you want. You make it sound as if his naps hold you hostage. Grow up and take charge of your own life. Stop complaining and focus on yourself and your needs and your kids needs.

You don't need to be together 100% of the time on vacation. Go do stuff with the kids when he naps. You sound really whiny. I also wonder if you work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this. He sleeps a lot, naps at strange hours and likes to sit around/relax a lot. My teens/tweens get super bored with that (and so do I). We almost always rent a condo/AB&B etc - hotel rooms don’t work.

He often only comes for part of our trips (preplanned- he will join then return home while we stay on longer), or just stays home altogether.

I am resentful about this but decided long ago not to make it a further issue or rock the boat. The thing that really bothers me is- he has no issue with this if on a golf of fishing vacation with friends. It is definitely a choice he is making.

As a dad, there are 1,000 things I'd rather be doing than paddling around the pool with the kids, or kicking a ball on the beach. I haven't ever taken a vacation with friends since I had kids, and before then it was only a few bachelor parties—if your kids could've had a better vacation, or if your spouse is going to be put out, why would you do that? To the extent I see myself ever doing it, it'll be when the kids are away from home.

Sounds like you have your priorities straight!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this. He sleeps a lot, naps at strange hours and likes to sit around/relax a lot. My teens/tweens get super bored with that (and so do I). We almost always rent a condo/AB&B etc - hotel rooms don’t work.

He often only comes for part of our trips (preplanned- he will join then return home while we stay on longer), or just stays home altogether.

I am resentful about this but decided long ago not to make it a further issue or rock the boat. The thing that really bothers me is- he has no issue with this if on a golf of fishing vacation with friends. It is definitely a choice he is making.

Which is pretty sad for the kids to realize.
Sounds like a self-centered manchild.

+1

Imagine getting brought to a beautiful/exotic/distant location and then your role model is like, "Okay, now I'm going to sleep, like I do at home. You go do something."

What a bummer.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this. He sleeps a lot, naps at strange hours and likes to sit around/relax a lot. My teens/tweens get super bored with that (and so do I). We almost always rent a condo/AB&B etc - hotel rooms don’t work.

He often only comes for part of our trips (preplanned- he will join then return home while we stay on longer), or just stays home altogether.

I am resentful about this but decided long ago not to make it a further issue or rock the boat. The thing that really bothers me is- he has no issue with this if on a golf of fishing vacation with friends. It is definitely a choice he is making.

Which is pretty sad for the kids to realize.
Sounds like a self-centered manchild.

Anonymous wrote:Team DH. Let the poor man sleep. Surely you can figure this out and not resent him. You sound controlling.

Sorry, grown ups don’t get to take time out everyday for themselves when they have little kids. That is not realistic.

If you need/want this, go away without the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild to me. I’m a physician who gets through 14 hour shifts in the hospital with no problem. But when I’m not seeing patients and have a day off at home, you bet I nap. If my spouse told me I couldn’t nap on vacation I would say I’ll see you when you get back, enjoy the beach.

Is your spouse a stay at home ?

Sounds like it because you expect to do what you want when you want. When kids are little, their needs come first.

You sound very entitled.

+1

Yeah, we all work hard, Doc. You just get paid better. Be a better husband and father, please.