It's not about future inconvenience or s***ing over old people. It's to remind everyone that the current idea of living on a pile of mammon is not sustainable! Nobody needs so much stuff! Get rid of it! My grandparents were old when they died and probably had 1/50 of stuff my parents have managed to accumulate and refuse to get rid of. Accumulating needless stuff and inability to let go is a sign of mental issues and control.

I started cleaning out my mother's cupboards and closets when I visited. Her house was not bad, but there were still things to get rid of, like a stack of phone books, empty boxes she had kept from things she ordered, old suitcases without wheels. I would fill up her trashcans which I did every week anyway. I also went through the garage and took all the old paint, solvents, etc to the dump which takes toxic stuff. She moved into assisted living and we divided up all her furniture and things we wanted, gave away the rest then had junk removal. It was nice to have things we wanted before she died (we told her how much we liked them, which she appreciated). We fixed up her house and rented it. She lived for five more years. I was so glad not to have to do this task on top of everything else.

My mom died when I was in my late thirties with two little kids. She lived far away.

It took a year to deal with. And I only looked at 1/4 of it. Gave the rest away.

Because of that I keep a small home, declutter often, and have a very specific will.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

You're right. Wishing my parents didn't have a garage full of broken car parts is the same as wishing they were dead. You're very smart and not at all a tedious POS.

So help them get rid of that stuff now, or figure out who you're going to have to call when the time comes. What do you want them to do? You think your parents are suddenly going to become completely different people, becuase you're planning for their death?

The entitlement on this thread is astonishing.

It means exactly what I think it means - feeling like your parents should be more concerned about your future inconvenience than about what they actually want for themselves.

This thread started about what people are doing themselves to help reduce the load for their kids and other loved ones in the future. But it quickly turned into people just sh**ting all over old people, once again, for daring to be alive.

I'm not the old person. I will be dealing with this with my own parents, who have a house crammed with stuff, one day - hopefully not soon. I don't think they have to choose to live differently than they want to now, so one day I will have less stuff to deal with.

I don't think that will be easy. It will be one of a hundred awful things to deal with one day. I don't think they owe me getting rid of their stuff today.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

You're right. Wishing my parents didn't have a garage full of broken car parts is the same as wishing they were dead. You're very smart and not at all a tedious POS.

So help them get rid of that stuff now, or figure out who you're going to have to call when the time comes. What do you want them to do? You think your parents are suddenly going to become completely different people, becuase you're planning for their death?

The entitlement on this thread is astonishing.

What the actual F does the above complaint have to do with "entitlement"???? People throw that label on anything they don't like to read on here.

If anything sitting on a pile of crap you don't need and expecting other people to deal with it is entitled. It's also wasteful. All the crap my parents refuse to deal with might have been useful to someone 20 years ago but they can't part with it, so now it's garbage. Fortunately I've learned not to be like them.

Yes, yes, I am 100% entitled to keep my own stuff and do what I want with it while I'm alive, do go on.

And you're entitled to throw out your own stuff and to throw out your parents "garbage" after they pass away, just as you like.

You are entitled to keep your stuff. Your heirs won’t think well of you on that score.

One sentiment I loved about Swedish Death Cleaning deals with the "I want her to have this when I die." Why wait? Give it to her now and tell her why it is meaningful and why you want her to have it. The memory of that exchange will be more valuable than the object.

Anonymous wrote:I’m so worried about my MIL’s stuff. She has so much stuff, the house is full of boxes of crap. She still has clothes from the 1980s with tags on them. The problem is DH is also a hoarder and sentimental. I’m almost positive he won’t let me get rid of her stuff. Then I have my DD who inherited the hoarder gene and is also sentimental. They can keep whatever they want but I don’t want it in my house!

Have them watch Swedish Death Cleaning so they know what to do with the actually sentimental heirlooms.

There are extremes on both ends. A sibling with OCD who hates stuff may go in and dump everything without giving a thought to things like, Mom's wedding dress that granddaughter had planned to wear, the family bible, and things that belonged to other people; photos of ancestors, a painting great grandfather brought from the old country, clothing that should have been donated, not trashed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My parents actually have a lot of semi-valuable art and decorative stuff

Brace yourself. You're going to discover that it's not valuable at all.

Yup.

I've asked my parents to downsize for 30 years. Have they done it, no! Have they used any of the stuff that has been put away for "later use", no! Do I want to deal with throwing it away, no! They could have done it themselves 30 years ago!

I’m so worried about my MIL’s stuff. She has so much stuff, the house is full of boxes of crap. She still has clothes from the 1980s with tags on them. The problem is DH is also a hoarder and sentimental. I’m almost positive he won’t let me get rid of her stuff. Then I have my DD who inherited the hoarder gene and is also sentimental. They can keep whatever they want but I don’t want it in my house!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

You're right. Wishing my parents didn't have a garage full of broken car parts is the same as wishing they were dead. You're very smart and not at all a tedious POS.

So help them get rid of that stuff now, or figure out who you're going to have to call when the time comes. What do you want them to do? You think your parents are suddenly going to become completely different people, becuase you're planning for their death?

The entitlement on this thread is astonishing.

What the actual F does the above complaint have to do with "entitlement"???? People throw that label on anything they don't like to read on here.

If anything sitting on a pile of crap you don't need and expecting other people to deal with it is entitled. It's also wasteful. All the crap my parents refuse to deal with might have been useful to someone 20 years ago but they can't part with it, so now it's garbage. Fortunately I've learned not to be like them.

Yes, yes, I am 100% entitled to keep my own stuff and do what I want with it while I'm alive, do go on.

And you're entitled to throw out your own stuff and to throw out your parents "garbage" after they pass away, just as you like.

Anonymous wrote:
My parents actually have a lot of semi-valuable art and decorative stuff

Brace yourself. You're going to discover that it's not valuable at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

You're right. Wishing my parents didn't have a garage full of broken car parts is the same as wishing they were dead. You're very smart and not at all a tedious POS.

So help them get rid of that stuff now, or figure out who you're going to have to call when the time comes. What do you want them to do? You think your parents are suddenly going to become completely different people, becuase you're planning for their death?

Actually, yeah, your parents will absolutely react negatively if you say, "by the way I'd like to throw out all your stuff now just to make it easier when you croak". Practically guaranteed to enrage them. It is 100% easier to just throw out / donate all that stuff after they pass away rather than having a big argument about it now.

Anonymous wrote:Yes my parents and in-laws definitely think of these things. Any adult who has been a caretaker and then home cleaner / estate settler of an elderly relative would be selfish or oblivious to not think it also applies to Their stuff too.

I'm not oblivious to the obvious fact that someday my kids will have to decide what to do with my stuff. But it's not selfish of me to want to keep my stuff while I'm alive. I don't have to be Jack Reacher who owns just one set of clothes and a toothbrush while I'm alive just to make it easy for everyone when I'm dead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

You're right. Wishing my parents didn't have a garage full of broken car parts is the same as wishing they were dead. You're very smart and not at all a tedious POS.

So help them get rid of that stuff now, or figure out who you're going to have to call when the time comes. What do you want them to do? You think your parents are suddenly going to become completely different people, becuase you're planning for their death?

The entitlement on this thread is astonishing.