Idk maybe I am the only person who can see a potential pro here if OP thinks he will keep his word about financing certain things. She would have to make clear that he pay for everything related to the kids, all housing costs (utilities, mortgage, insurance, repairs, etc), all vacations and incidentals related to such, all housekeeping (including weekly maid service), all food (restaurants and groceries), and OP expects a credit card to make purchases for the house (including for groceries). She can pay for her own car and gas (or could ask him to pay for it too). She can save for her retirement separately then, and could save a lot more than she would living separately.

Anonymous wrote:OP six pages of good advice.

Don't be stupid. Don't even THINK about getting back with him.

+1

Really wish OP would come back and tell us she's informed him he's full of s**t.

OP six pages of good advice.

Don't be stupid. Don't even THINK about getting back with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adding, says he loves me I have mixed feelings as we separated for a reason. No infidelity.

So you’re still legally married? Never did the final paperwork or divorce process?

You’d have to be a real sucker to quit your job, relocate with middle school aged kids, go over by him and THEN get served divorce papers after 6 months. Then you’ll be stuck there until kids are 18, tethered 50 miles from this selfish loser ex, raising the kids yourself with no child support.

That’s the most likely outcome.

His lawyer told him to get the kids & you over there. And this is how to do it, if you’re truly that dumb.

This.

You are being set up.

This. 100 percent. Stay where you are.

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you try a long distance relationship first?

I had a friend whose parents were on off. They got divorced, then married, then divorced, then they would sometimes hook up. I don’t think it really phased my friend.

Read. The. Thread. He's proposing a financial deal for her to move to him and bring the kids. It's so obviously a setup which will only benefit him and not her or their children (though he's trying to sell it as beneficial for the kids -- private schools! summer camps!--it's buying them back, basically).

A long distance relationship won't get him what he's after, except sex, and even that won't be as often as he might like.

Read the thread, PP. And by the way, you can have no idea whether or not having parents in an off-again, on-again marriage affected your friend or not, so don't tell OP that her DH's proposal will be just fine for their kids.

No, don't act crazy!

Why don’t you try a long distance relationship first?

I had a friend whose parents were on off. They got divorced, then married, then divorced, then they would sometimes hook up. I don’t think it really phased my friend.

Eww, no way, don't put your kids through this, a second split/divorce. The fantasy you think it's gonna be is most likely not gonna happen.

Absolutely, NO. HARD NO. PASS, DO NOT GO! This is so screwed up. He's manipulating you. If the kids are doing okay, do not uproot. I just came out of a "let's get back together and try to work things out". It was a huge mistake. I should have listened to my gut.

Hey, OP, please come back and update us. I'm actually concerned you might fall for his "loving" idea.

I have rarely seen a thread on DCUM with such unanimity among those responding. Please think about that fact as you read this thread.

Anonymous wrote:Is combined finances the primary reason you both divorced?

I am assuming there were more issues at play and unless you both receive counseling for those issues then it is best to live apart even though you share two kids together.

DP, not OP, but -- NO amount of counseling for any previous issues is going to change the fact that NOW he's manipulating her into moving in with him, or close to him, which sets her up for so many potential negative outcomes for both herself and the children.

Even if he sincerely believes himself when he says he still loves her, so what? He is so inconsiderate and oblivious about the kids' lives, needs, schooling, support systems and stability that he thinks his "love" for her should trump the lives his kids have now, where OP says they are doing fine. Uprooting kids in middle school just to make daddy feel more involved would be nuts. He can change his job and move to their area, if he wants more time with his kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adding, says he loves me I have mixed feelings as we separated for a reason. No infidelity.

So you’re still legally married? Never did the final paperwork or divorce process?

You’d have to be a real sucker to quit your job, relocate with middle school aged kids, go over by him and THEN get served divorce papers after 6 months. Then you’ll be stuck there until kids are 18, tethered 50 miles from this selfish loser ex, raising the kids yourself with no child support.

That’s the most likely outcome.

His lawyer told him to get the kids & you over there. And this is how to do it, if you’re truly that dumb.

This.

You are being set up.

^^ Yes look at what is now happening with Ben and Jen.

Do not move.

He can file for divorce and make it nearly impossible for you to relocate with the kids.

He’s playing you.

Sounds like he doesn’t want to be on the hook for child support anymore and he realizes he will have the upper hand if you relocate.

How is this even a question?

If he really wants his *family* back, then he needs to do the work: move back, support his family, and prove he can be trusted and add value.

Addiction or gambling or anger issues? You said it wasn’t infidelity.