Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I won't wear pajamas more than once.
I also love showering before bed. But I don't always shower in the morning (I work from home).

I just don't understand how this can become an issue. Just shower before bed or break up with him.

OP here. I will reuse pajamas more than once because I only slept in them.

I love him and don’t want to break up. I’m fine with him showering before bed but I want him to stop trying to make me.

OP this is a pink flag that will turn into a glaring red flag (may be red already), once you have kids or come upon the inevitable life stressors.

The fact that he showers 3x a day is a bit eyebrow raising, but the fact that he then nags you about taking a third shower is unacceptable.

Do not have kids with him. This is absolutely break up worthy.

100% agreed. Please do not bring kids into this situation. He will only get worse and they do not deserve this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I won't wear pajamas more than once.
I also love showering before bed. But I don't always shower in the morning (I work from home).

I just don't understand how this can become an issue. Just shower before bed or break up with him.

OP here. I will reuse pajamas more than once because I only slept in them.

I love him and don’t want to break up. I’m fine with him showering before bed but I want him to stop trying to make me.

OP this is a pink flag that will turn into a glaring red flag (may be red already), once you have kids or come upon the inevitable life stressors.

The fact that he showers 3x a day is a bit eyebrow raising, but the fact that he then nags you about taking a third shower is unacceptable.

Do not have kids with him. This is absolutely break up worthy.

This seems like a troll

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know I should be happy I found the love of my life who happens to have good hygiene. I once went on a couple of dates with a guy who said he showered once a week tops. I just wish he was more a little more relaxed about hygiene. I don’t mind that he showers or that we change the sheets often. I just don’t want him pestering me about showering before bed.

I love him and adore him but I do feel that this can lead to a breakup if he keeps passively aggressively making comments or keeps pestering me about it.

The bold, OP, re-read the bold above. Your own words. The issue is not showers; the issue is that he wants you to do what he wants, and is needling you with passive aggression. And I'm betting you've asked, and then told, him to stop, and he doesn't, does he? He is convinced He. Is. Right. This is a red flag trait if you want to have kids together.

Sit down and please think very hard about whether there are other little things, seemingly smaller than the big issue of showers, about which he tends to feel he is right and you are wrong. Things you do one way and he seems...displeased, or condescending, about it. Even if he make a "joke" of it. Other examples of passive-aggressive digs at you. Or at other people. How does he speak about coworkers or bosses? His friends, siblings, family? I'm wagering that if you really think about it, you're going to realize there is a pattern of his feeling he and his choices are superior. A pattern of snarky commentary and passive aggression. Seriously, sit down and make notes just for yourself.

Next: Picture how he would be as a father. If you and he have children together, how do you think he'll deal with babies and toddlers with blowout poop diapers? Messed up crib and bed sheets when a kid is sick and vomits in bed? Kids who don't pick up after themselves and resist baths and showers at times, because, well, kids? He may be the love of your life but will you be back here in 10 years, posting about how he is passive-aggressive with the kids and he wants them to be clean little adults?

Anonymous wrote:1) excessive showers
2) nagging you to do same (control)
3) insisting in a made bed
4) assuming you, the woman, makes the bed (control)

plus other things you know about but are afraid to
list = OCD. OP, this is not a hygiene issue. This is a very serious mental condition which will only get worse, as others have said above.

+1 I am a PP who said early in the thread to break up and get an apt this weekend and do not have kids with him.

He is exhibiting OCD behavior. It is not super severe now, but it could get worse and rituals and obsessions change over time. My mom has a debilitating case of OCD. She could not function like a normal person. While her case is severe, I do not wish a parent with OCD on anyone. I had a truly awful childhood that had impacted my adulthood having to deal with this as a kid.

Get out of this relationship now.

1) excessive showers
2) nagging you to do same (control)
3) insisting in a made bed
4) assuming you, the woman, makes the bed (control)

plus other things you know about but are afraid to
list = OCD. OP, this is not a hygiene issue. This is a very serious mental condition which will only get worse, as others have said above.

It’s OCD. break up if he won’t get treatment for it. (Which is exposure therapy every time you refuses he’s getting treatment. Let him know the bills in the mail. )

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He also hates if I don’t make the bed because he loves a made bed. I’ve never dated a man that was this stringent with his hygiene. I do appreciate he takes care of his hygiene, but it’s a little extreme for me.

He’s not weird about sex or anything other than he just likes “showering the day away” as he says. He finds the hot water relaxes his body. Often times he doesn’t even really wash up except for his groin area and his face.

I don’t think I need a shower at 9pm if I showered after a workout at 6pm. I’m clean and don’t smell.

I don’t think he has OCD because he doesn’t have issues in other areas of his life. His just a little hygiene obsessed.

No, he’s controlling and obsessive and as time goes on, it will get worse. Do yourself a favor and break up and move out.

Exactly. So you said it was just the showering and now he’s getting mad about you not making the bed as well. What else? This is a slippery slope, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was just you and him, this would be manageable. You could compromise and shower before bed, and let him wash the sheets often.

If you have kids, I think this guy will drive you nuts. Kids will drive him nuts. I can't see someone this particular being an easy person to coparent with.

Actually could be a blessing in disguise, he’s in charge of wrangling all babies and toddlers into the tub ever night if it’s so important to him.

This will not happen. He will hint, as she describes, "aren't you going to run a bath?" He won't be able to do it because he will be showering and will have progressed to wiping down all surfaces. He won't be able to budge from his routine and one thing kids do is upend any routine you have developed as a childless person.

But seriously, I have OCD. When I'm in a stressful situation, especially a new life situation, my habits come on strong. Living in a new place, I would check and recheck doors. Having kids will be insane for him. OCD will manifest in different ways too. Right now it's hygiene, later it could be focused on something else.

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have been living together for 6 months and hygiene is a big contention in our relationship. He’s a 3 shower a day person and I shower 1-2 times a day. He often gets annoyed that I won’t shower before bed. This issue is causing tension in our relationship and might lead to a breakup.

NP.
Has he said why he wants you to shower before bed? Is it for hygiene reasons? You've posted a few times that your BF takes the 3rd shower to help relax him for sleep. Is it possible you are making assumptions about his motive?
You also said it might lead to a break up then proceeded to post how wonderful and perfect he is. You sound dramatic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 showers a day is ridiculous. 2 showers a day as a regular occurrence is also ridiculous.

Both of you need to stop wasting water.

OP here. Most people shower each morning. How can you go to work and not shower? That’s just nasty.

Again, how can you not shower after working out? That’s nasty.

It is better to shower at night than the morning for hygenic reasons. (better to be clean when sleeping on sheets)/

There is no need to shower at night AND in the morning.

Most people don't work out every day.

Showering 2-3 times a day is really bad for your skin and a waste of water.

By the way, little kids should not be bathed more than 2 or 3 times a week. It dries out their skin and can cause eczema flare ups. Don't have kids with this main.

Showering once a day and after workouts is normal.

Showering 2-3 times a day is excessive and abnormal.

NP

Um, no. My kids get bathed almost every day. But they love being outside and active and don’t have eczema issues.

You should start reading and get advice from pediatricians. Babies and toddlers should not be bathed daily. Not necessary until much older. From a family of doctors.


“According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), babies under 1 year old should have a full bath three times a week or less. In general, toddlers should be bathed 2–3 times a week to keep them clean. However, a toddler's face and genitals should be washed every day for optimum hygiene.”


More:

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-often-should-your-kids-take-a-bath-or-shower

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/does-your-child-need-to-bathe-every-day-202109202598

“Why not bathe a child daily?
Lots of bathing can lead to dry, irritated skin. But also, the skin has natural protective oils, and natural bacteria, that help to keep us healthy and safe — and that can get washed away with daily bathing.”


https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/02/26/why-you-should-stop-giving-your-kid-a-bath-every-night/

Ok Mika Kunis.

I guess you can’t read.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 showers a day is ridiculous. 2 showers a day as a regular occurrence is also ridiculous.

Both of you need to stop wasting water.

OP here. Most people shower each morning. How can you go to work and not shower? That’s just nasty.

Again, how can you not shower after working out? That’s nasty.

It is better to shower at night than the morning for hygenic reasons. (better to be clean when sleeping on sheets)/

There is no need to shower at night AND in the morning.

Most people don't work out every day.

Showering 2-3 times a day is really bad for your skin and a waste of water.

By the way, little kids should not be bathed more than 2 or 3 times a week. It dries out their skin and can cause eczema flare ups. Don't have kids with this main.

Showering once a day and after workouts is normal.

Showering 2-3 times a day is excessive and abnormal.

NP

Um, no. My kids get bathed almost every day. But they love being outside and active and don’t have eczema issues.

You should start reading and get advice from pediatricians. Babies and toddlers should not be bathed daily. Not necessary until much older. From a family of doctors.


“According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), babies under 1 year old should have a full bath three times a week or less. In general, toddlers should be bathed 2–3 times a week to keep them clean. However, a toddler's face and genitals should be washed every day for optimum hygiene.”


More:

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-often-should-your-kids-take-a-bath-or-shower

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/does-your-child-need-to-bathe-every-day-202109202598

“Why not bathe a child daily?
Lots of bathing can lead to dry, irritated skin. But also, the skin has natural protective oils, and natural bacteria, that help to keep us healthy and safe — and that can get washed away with daily bathing.”


https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/02/26/why-you-should-stop-giving-your-kid-a-bath-every-night/

Ok Mika Kunis.

Anonymous wrote:3 showers a day is ridiculous. 2 showers a day as a regular occurrence is also ridiculous.

Both of you need to stop wasting water.

Agree!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 showers a day is ridiculous. 2 showers a day as a regular occurrence is also ridiculous.

Both of you need to stop wasting water.

OP here. Most people shower each morning. How can you go to work and not shower? That’s just nasty.

Again, how can you not shower after working out? That’s nasty.

It is better to shower at night than the morning for hygenic reasons. (better to be clean when sleeping on sheets)/

There is no need to shower at night AND in the morning.

Most people don't work out every day.

Showering 2-3 times a day is really bad for your skin and a waste of water.

By the way, little kids should not be bathed more than 2 or 3 times a week. It dries out their skin and can cause eczema flare ups. Don't have kids with this main.

Showering once a day and after workouts is normal.

Showering 2-3 times a day is excessive and abnormal.

NP

Um, no. My kids get bathed almost every day. But they love being outside and active and don’t have eczema issues.

You should start reading and get advice from pediatricians. Babies and toddlers should not be bathed daily. Not necessary until much older. From a family of doctors.


“According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), babies under 1 year old should have a full bath three times a week or less. In general, toddlers should be bathed 2–3 times a week to keep them clean. However, a toddler's face and genitals should be washed every day for optimum hygiene.”


More:

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-often-should-your-kids-take-a-bath-or-shower

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/does-your-child-need-to-bathe-every-day-202109202598

“Why not bathe a child daily?
Lots of bathing can lead to dry, irritated skin. But also, the skin has natural protective oils, and natural bacteria, that help to keep us healthy and safe — and that can get washed away with daily bathing.”


https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/02/26/why-you-should-stop-giving-your-kid-a-bath-every-night/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds prissy.

Probably OCD or some other untreated mental issue. Hard pass.

It probably goes back to his toilet training. His mother told him poop was bad. Whatever it is, it's going to get worse over time.