Op, does your fiance want to raise kids to be Catholic?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You both don't need to be Catholic. One of you should be and also registered at the church or a church that his family is registered at. You can't just waltz into any church and demand a wedding ceremony. You will need to be registered parishioners, or use his family church, and complete the wedding prep (Pre-Cana), and just jump through all the hoops.

But your post is very off putting all about you, and what you want. You're supposed to be getting married, it's not all about you.

No. One of them must be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church.

Well, the fiancé is. But the point in this case is that the fiancé is Catholic enough to meet the criteria. But he is not practicing and might say he's not Catholic. But if he was raised Catholic he's been baptized, had his Communion and is confirmed. As far as the Church is concerned, he's Catholic.

Yes, the fiancé is Catholic. The point you’re ignoring is the first pp said one should be Catholic. There’s no should about it with the Catholic church. That’s a must.

I said that. Then I clarified. I said "should" because most people getting married in the Church are there because they want to be, they are in good standing. The fiancé is Catholic, being born and raised, but seems now to be lapsed. If you're lapsed should you still consider yourself Catholic?

You are making zero sense. There is no should about it with a Catholic wedding. It’s a must or there’s no Catholic wedding.

You’re debating irrelevancies.

He’s baptized Catholic. As far as the Church is concerned, that makes him Catholic. But “merely” being Catholic doesn’t translate to “properly disposed,” as discussed in an earlier post. It doesn’t matter if a baptized Catholic “thinks” or “feels” or “believes” they’re Catholic. As far as the Church is concerned they are.

Nope. I’m pointing to the factual inaccuracy in your original post that you tried to pretend didn’t matter in your follow up post. And you don’t like it so now you’re pretending it’s “irrelevant”. Facts are never irrelevant.

You’re not responding to anything I wrote.

If nobody’s Catholic then there’s not going to be a Catholic ceremony.

No “should” or “ought to” about it.

If one party is Catholic by the Church’s measure, there can be a Catholic ceremony but the requirements go beyond mere Baptism.

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Anonymous wrote:Can you get married in a Catholic Church without being confirmed? Serious question, always thought that was true.

OP here. We checked and I don’t have to be confirmed to get married in a Catholic Church. We can also choose a non-denominational church, too.

Kind of weird to get married in a non den church when you are Catholic. The Catholic church will not recognize that marriage.

I don't think that really matters. Op's fiance isn't practicing and OP isn't Catholic.

Your boyfriend is Catholic, practicing or not; this is the church he will feel most comfortable in for a wedding service. Many lapsed/Cafeteria Catholics find the ritual of the mass to be sacred and soothing- even if it’s a mainly secular appreciation. It’s tradition and people mentioning baptism are absolutely correct, this will be an expectation for your future children. It sounds like you would just prefer to skip the hassle and don’t have a strong aversion to being married in the church. I would just go along- there is nothing wrong with raising any future children with an understanding of Theology, Art and History- you can provide the context and your own Humanist perspective.

The non-Catholic spouse lying about agreeing to raise your kids to be Catholic is grounds for an invalid marriage. If he marries outside of the church at your beautiful venue without a dispensation, that too would be an invalid marriage. Either way you do it, you guys will not be married in the eyes of the Catholic church. This might not mean anything to you right now, but it is a guarantee that there will be problems in the future. Especially as children start showing up.

You should really, really reconsider getting married to each other. You might think you are in love, but you are not a good fit at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both don't need to be Catholic. One of you should be and also registered at the church or a church that his family is registered at. You can't just waltz into any church and demand a wedding ceremony. You will need to be registered parishioners, or use his family church, and complete the wedding prep (Pre-Cana), and just jump through all the hoops.

But your post is very off putting all about you, and what you want. You're supposed to be getting married, it's not all about you.

No. One of them must be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church.

Well, the fiancé is. But the point in this case is that the fiancé is Catholic enough to meet the criteria. But he is not practicing and might say he's not Catholic. But if he was raised Catholic he's been baptized, had his Communion and is confirmed. As far as the Church is concerned, he's Catholic.

Yes, the fiancé is Catholic. The point you’re ignoring is the first pp said one should be Catholic. There’s no should about it with the Catholic church. That’s a must.

I said that. Then I clarified. I said "should" because most people getting married in the Church are there because they want to be, they are in good standing. The fiancé is Catholic, being born and raised, but seems now to be lapsed. If you're lapsed should you still consider yourself Catholic?

You are making zero sense. There is no should about it with a Catholic wedding. It’s a must or there’s no Catholic wedding.

He is a Catholic in the eyes of the church. We know this. But, how he identifies is another thing. Which goes back to OP's point that should they just go along with it for appeasement or is it a mockery? They can have the Catholic wedding, but should they?

That’s all that matters if he wants to be married in a Catholic church. What’s a mockery is OP’s suggestion of lying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both don't need to be Catholic. One of you should be and also registered at the church or a church that his family is registered at. You can't just waltz into any church and demand a wedding ceremony. You will need to be registered parishioners, or use his family church, and complete the wedding prep (Pre-Cana), and just jump through all the hoops.

But your post is very off putting all about you, and what you want. You're supposed to be getting married, it's not all about you.

No. One of them must be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church.

Well, the fiancé is. But the point in this case is that the fiancé is Catholic enough to meet the criteria. But he is not practicing and might say he's not Catholic. But if he was raised Catholic he's been baptized, had his Communion and is confirmed. As far as the Church is concerned, he's Catholic.

Yes, the fiancé is Catholic. The point you’re ignoring is the first pp said one should be Catholic. There’s no should about it with the Catholic church. That’s a must.

I said that. Then I clarified. I said "should" because most people getting married in the Church are there because they want to be, they are in good standing. The fiancé is Catholic, being born and raised, but seems now to be lapsed. If you're lapsed should you still consider yourself Catholic?

You are making zero sense. There is no should about it with a Catholic wedding. It’s a must or there’s no Catholic wedding.

You’re debating irrelevancies.

He’s baptized Catholic. As far as the Church is concerned, that makes him Catholic. But “merely” being Catholic doesn’t translate to “properly disposed,” as discussed in an earlier post. It doesn’t matter if a baptized Catholic “thinks” or “feels” or “believes” they’re Catholic. As far as the Church is concerned they are.

Nope. I’m pointing to the factual inaccuracy in your original post that you tried to pretend didn’t matter in your follow up post. And you don’t like it so now you’re pretending it’s “irrelevant”. Facts are never irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both don't need to be Catholic. One of you should be and also registered at the church or a church that his family is registered at. You can't just waltz into any church and demand a wedding ceremony. You will need to be registered parishioners, or use his family church, and complete the wedding prep (Pre-Cana), and just jump through all the hoops.

But your post is very off putting all about you, and what you want. You're supposed to be getting married, it's not all about you.

No. One of them must be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church.

Well, the fiancé is. But the point in this case is that the fiancé is Catholic enough to meet the criteria. But he is not practicing and might say he's not Catholic. But if he was raised Catholic he's been baptized, had his Communion and is confirmed. As far as the Church is concerned, he's Catholic.

Yes, the fiancé is Catholic. The point you’re ignoring is the first pp said one should be Catholic. There’s no should about it with the Catholic church. That’s a must.

I said that. Then I clarified. I said "should" because most people getting married in the Church are there because they want to be, they are in good standing. The fiancé is Catholic, being born and raised, but seems now to be lapsed. If you're lapsed should you still consider yourself Catholic?

You are making zero sense. There is no should about it with a Catholic wedding. It’s a must or there’s no Catholic wedding.

He is a Catholic in the eyes of the church. We know this. But, how he identifies is another thing. Which goes back to OP's point that should they just go along with it for appeasement or is it a mockery? They can have the Catholic wedding, but should they?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both don't need to be Catholic. One of you should be and also registered at the church or a church that his family is registered at. You can't just waltz into any church and demand a wedding ceremony. You will need to be registered parishioners, or use his family church, and complete the wedding prep (Pre-Cana), and just jump through all the hoops.

But your post is very off putting all about you, and what you want. You're supposed to be getting married, it's not all about you.

No. One of them must be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church.

Well, the fiancé is. But the point in this case is that the fiancé is Catholic enough to meet the criteria. But he is not practicing and might say he's not Catholic. But if he was raised Catholic he's been baptized, had his Communion and is confirmed. As far as the Church is concerned, he's Catholic.

Yes, the fiancé is Catholic. The point you’re ignoring is the first pp said one should be Catholic. There’s no should about it with the Catholic church. That’s a must.

I said that. Then I clarified. I said "should" because most people getting married in the Church are there because they want to be, they are in good standing. The fiancé is Catholic, being born and raised, but seems now to be lapsed. If you're lapsed should you still consider yourself Catholic?

You are making zero sense. There is no should about it with a Catholic wedding. It’s a must or there’s no Catholic wedding.

You’re debating irrelevancies.

He’s baptized Catholic. As far as the Church is concerned, that makes him Catholic. But “merely” being Catholic doesn’t translate to “properly disposed,” as discussed in an earlier post. It doesn’t matter if a baptized Catholic “thinks” or “feels” or “believes” they’re Catholic. As far as the Church is concerned they are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both don't need to be Catholic. One of you should be and also registered at the church or a church that his family is registered at. You can't just waltz into any church and demand a wedding ceremony. You will need to be registered parishioners, or use his family church, and complete the wedding prep (Pre-Cana), and just jump through all the hoops.

But your post is very off putting all about you, and what you want. You're supposed to be getting married, it's not all about you.

No. One of them must be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church.

Well, the fiancé is. But the point in this case is that the fiancé is Catholic enough to meet the criteria. But he is not practicing and might say he's not Catholic. But if he was raised Catholic he's been baptized, had his Communion and is confirmed. As far as the Church is concerned, he's Catholic.

Yes, the fiancé is Catholic. The point you’re ignoring is the first pp said one should be Catholic. There’s no should about it with the Catholic church. That’s a must.

I said that. Then I clarified. I said "should" because most people getting married in the Church are there because they want to be, they are in good standing. The fiancé is Catholic, being born and raised, but seems now to be lapsed. If you're lapsed should you still consider yourself Catholic?

You are making zero sense. There is no should about it with a Catholic wedding. It’s a must or there’s no Catholic wedding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both don't need to be Catholic. One of you should be and also registered at the church or a church that his family is registered at. You can't just waltz into any church and demand a wedding ceremony. You will need to be registered parishioners, or use his family church, and complete the wedding prep (Pre-Cana), and just jump through all the hoops.

But your post is very off putting all about you, and what you want. You're supposed to be getting married, it's not all about you.

No. One of them must be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church.

Well, the fiancé is. But the point in this case is that the fiancé is Catholic enough to meet the criteria. But he is not practicing and might say he's not Catholic. But if he was raised Catholic he's been baptized, had his Communion and is confirmed. As far as the Church is concerned, he's Catholic.

Yes, the fiancé is Catholic. The point you’re ignoring is the first pp said one should be Catholic. There’s no should about it with the Catholic church. That’s a must.

I said that. Then I clarified. I said "should" because most people getting married in the Church are there because they want to be, they are in good standing. The fiancé is Catholic, being born and raised, but seems now to be lapsed. If you're lapsed should you still consider yourself Catholic?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes Op, you should give in because it's not that important to you

It’s her wedding. Of course it’s important to her. She doesn’t like the idea of separate venues and wants to get married at the venue they have booked. She doesn’t want to lie to a priest about how she will raise her kids. She wouldn’t have posted here if this issue wasn’t important to her.

There is no reason religion should be considered more important than the desire to have a non-religious wedding.

Is it HER wedding? Nobody else involved?

Well if husband to be was religious that would be a different story. He is being pressured by his parents to have the wedding in a church. Op and her fiance should have the wedding they want!

Then why doesn't fiancé speak up? Anyone can see where this is going. Next OP will be on the Family forum crying about her MIL and how her husband doesn't stand up to her and everyone will tell her she has a DH problem. As she plans the baptism of their first baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both don't need to be Catholic. One of you should be and also registered at the church or a church that his family is registered at. You can't just waltz into any church and demand a wedding ceremony. You will need to be registered parishioners, or use his family church, and complete the wedding prep (Pre-Cana), and just jump through all the hoops.

But your post is very off putting all about you, and what you want. You're supposed to be getting married, it's not all about you.

No. One of them must be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church.

Well, the fiancé is. But the point in this case is that the fiancé is Catholic enough to meet the criteria. But he is not practicing and might say he's not Catholic. But if he was raised Catholic he's been baptized, had his Communion and is confirmed. As far as the Church is concerned, he's Catholic.

Yes, the fiancé is Catholic. The point you’re ignoring is the first pp said one should be Catholic. There’s no should about it with the Catholic church. That’s a must.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes Op, you should give in because it's not that important to you

It’s her wedding. Of course it’s important to her. She doesn’t like the idea of separate venues and wants to get married at the venue they have booked. She doesn’t want to lie to a priest about how she will raise her kids. She wouldn’t have posted here if this issue wasn’t important to her.

There is no reason religion should be considered more important than the desire to have a non-religious wedding.

Is it HER wedding? Nobody else involved?

Well if husband to be was religious that would be a different story. He is being pressured by his parents to have the wedding in a church. Op and her fiance should have the wedding they want!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes Op, you should give in because it's not that important to you

It’s her wedding. Of course it’s important to her. She doesn’t like the idea of separate venues and wants to get married at the venue they have booked. She doesn’t want to lie to a priest about how she will raise her kids. She wouldn’t have posted here if this issue wasn’t important to her.

There is no reason religion should be considered more important than the desire to have a non-religious wedding.

Is it HER wedding? Nobody else involved?

Reading comp fail. We were discussing in particular what is important to OP. The PP said this isn’t important to her. I said of course it is, it’s her wedding. Most people care about their wedding. It’s a huge logical leap to go from “her wedding” = hers and hers alone.

If I say “I love my kids” that doesn’t mean I’m asserting that they are my kids alone and don’t have a father. But you’re twisting yourself in knots to follow that line of thinking.

You're not very smart. And bad analogy. The her fiancé wants a church wedding. Full stop. They are at an impasse. Someone will give in and will be resentful. That they didn't get the wedding "they" wanted. The marriage is doomed but good to know before they end up divorced.

You (or whoever the PP was) equated stating that it’s her wedding with meaning no one else is involved. I was pointing out the stupidity in that particular logic (not the merits of this wedding itself).

If you walked into a bakery and said “I’d like to order a cake for my wedding day” and the baker said “YOUR wedding day? Are you marrying yourself? Is there no one else involved?” you would probably think wow, that baker is pretty stupid.

Just stop with the stupid analogies. A wedding is about more than just the party. It's about compatibility, values, and mutual respect. There is a red flag here that they aren't on the same page in several ways.

Don’t make stupid comments if you don’t like analogies showing how stupid your comment is.

The absurdity of your comment that calling it “her wedding” is the same as being “hers alone” is unrelated to their lack of compatibility.

You can't be married. You sound dim and immature. The wedding isn't about just where to have the party. But, a lot of baby brides get caught up in the party and forge the rest and soon find themselves divorced. Good luck OP!