I like living in a detached house because I enjoy having yard, and also just love that our house is nestled in the trees (and yet still in an inner suburb near all of the amenities). The house is 2000 square feet (and so not huge -- I guess you could say we never upsized). And we have great neighbors (in a range of ages from young to old).

DH and I both enjoy our careers (age 54-55), and are happy to keep doing them. We're both lawyers. Our kids are in college now.

I like the idea of staying in our current home as we have room to host visitors/guests at any time. We also like hosting dinner parties, and like having the dining room space to do so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lot of child brides, orthodox and Amish people on this thread who think they are empty Nestors at by 55.

My Mom who had did get married younger just had more kids. When she retired at 65 from her job my younger sister and me were still was living at home. My younger sister completed her masters got engaged and moved out at 28 when married. My mom was 68.

You have to marry young and only have 2 kids to empty nest by 55 my neighbors growing up got married at 22-25 but they all had 4-6 kids and plenty of whoops babies in their 40s

My older sister got married while my younger sister was 13.

And with second marriages like my neighbor she has two first husband and two second husband. She had two kids from 23-25 and two kids 37-40.

?

If you have two kids in your early 30s, then your kids can be launched by the time you are 55. Definitely by 60.

+1. PP seems to have failed second grade math. A couple who has children at 30 and 32 are empty nesters at age 50.

Anonymous wrote:Lot of child brides, orthodox and Amish people on this thread who think they are empty Nestors at by 55.

My Mom who had did get married younger just had more kids. When she retired at 65 from her job my younger sister and me were still was living at home. My younger sister completed her masters got engaged and moved out at 28 when married. My mom was 68.

You have to marry young and only have 2 kids to empty nest by 55 my neighbors growing up got married at 22-25 but they all had 4-6 kids and plenty of whoops babies in their 40s

My older sister got married while my younger sister was 13.

And with second marriages like my neighbor she has two first husband and two second husband. She had two kids from 23-25 and two kids 37-40.

?

If you have two kids in your early 30s, then your kids can be launched by the time you are 55. Definitely by 60.

Lot of child brides, orthodox and Amish people on this thread who think they are empty Nestors at by 55.

My Mom who had did get married younger just had more kids. When she retired at 65 from her job my younger sister and me were still was living at home. My younger sister completed her masters got engaged and moved out at 28 when married. My mom was 68.

You have to marry young and only have 2 kids to empty nest by 55 my neighbors growing up got married at 22-25 but they all had 4-6 kids and plenty of whoops babies in their 40s

My older sister got married while my younger sister was 13.

And with second marriages like my neighbor she has two first husband and two second husband. She had two kids from 23-25 and two kids 37-40.

We have a 2500 sq ft rambler with a partial finished basement, but all the bathrooms and laundry are located on the main floor. We don’t plan to move once the kids leave for college.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people find downsizing depressing and that’s what becomes the beginning of the end. I like a lot of space and I don’t think that will change once I’m older.

I think timing matters.

All the 80+ folks I know who felt depressed about downsizing created the situation by waiting too long. Yes, it is depressing selling your family home in your 80s and moving into assisted living.

All the people I know who downsized in their 60s/70s approached it as an adventure. Some got condos in cities or beach towns, some bought vacation homes or split time between vacation homes and a condo elsewhere, some moved to new areas for an adventure (Hawaii, Mexico, Aspen, whatever). Several spend months at a time renting in various tourist destinations. Nothing depressing about this.

The folks I know who had truly massive homes while raising kids “downsized” to more normal size homes once their kids launched. I know a couple that recently sold their $2M home and bought a $1M home. The “smaller” home still has 4 bedrooms and plenty of space, but it doesn’t have as much property to deal with or nearly as much square footage to clean and maintain. They’re shocked by how cheap their utilities are in a normal size house. They used the tremendous proceeds from their home to get a vacation house. Nothing depressing about their downsizing.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t downsize to a townhouse. Many have over 30 steps. Not good for aging knees.

Master suit on ground floor is a must after 60.

You must be young! Most people in their 60s are fine with stairs.

I'm 63 and just did a hike yesterday that is the equivalent of 60 flights of stairs. Use it or lose it.

Our beloved neighbor died late last year from a fall in her home with lots of stairs. She tumbled down the stairs. She was of sound mind and very active, but in her early 80s and broke her hip. Health failed while in the hospital and died after a few weeks of convalescence.

Once you hit 80, you are one fall away from dying. Or living the rest of your life with much more restricted mobility (but might as well be dead TBH). The fall itself might not even kill you, but the injuries from the fall kick off a cascade of health issues that wreck your quality-of-life and eventually kills you.

I know someone who died this way as well. He was very spry for his age (80s) and he / his wife still traveled, fished, etc. But he got disoriented in the middle of the night and fell and died within days.

I'll be honest: part of me sees this as the horrible thing it is for his wife/family/him and it could have been avoidable with a ranch. Part of me feels like, if I'm going to go, it's not the worst way. It's over fast. And in your 80s that's all you can ask for.

Me too.

ITA.

Once my youngest graduates HS next year, we will be downsizing. We don't need to stay in this area with high cost of living.

My mom is turning 80 this year and is still in my childhood home. I worry about her going up and down the steps. Dreading that call. And it will be a nightmare cleaning it out.

A lot of people find downsizing depressing and that’s what becomes the beginning of the end. I like a lot of space and I don’t think that will change once I’m older.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It cost a lot of money to buy and sell. As my father said, why downsize to a smaller house in his mid - late 70s only to have to sell it again within a decade to move into assisted living/retirement. They're staying in the house till they know they absolutely have to move to a retirement community.

That is why (imo) it makes more sense to do the downsizing in your mid to late 50s, once kids are out of the house. Then you get 20+ years possibly living there before you need a retirement community

But why downsize if you are already happy in your house? That's what some of you are struggling to understand. There is no rule that you must downsize into something smaller or more efficient by a certain age. Smaller houses aren't necessarily cheaper to operate than larger houses, there's a certain amount of sunk costs involved.

Obviously, nobody is forcing you to downsize. I for one don't want the maintenance/yard work and hassles of a 5K sq ft home when there are only 2 of us living there. it was great with two kids at home, and wonderful when everyone was working from home/doing school from home during covid---everyone had their own space with a desk that was quite/behind doors. Seems wasteful and a pain in the ass to manage though when we only would need it for a few weeks out of the year once youngest is out of college. So we moved to a 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. One kid already out of college and launched out of state. 2nd well on the way and at least 75% chance they will get job OOS. If they get a job near us, we will help them rent a place in the city (VHCOL)--that way they will be independent but able to afford a decent place.

Around me, smaller places are easier to maintain and property taxes are correspondingly lower. Sure I own my big house, but I sold it for double the purchase price 7 years later. The smaller Townhome/condo is still going to be "cheaper and less overall costs" long term.

I don't know how popular this is. My parents are in their mid 70s and virtually none of their friends downsized, including the friends now in their late 80s. They stayed in their homes till they moved into a retirement community, typically starting in their mid 80s. But that's not even the majority of their older friends either. They're all comfortably off so funding a retirement community isn't an issue.

In short, what works for you doesn't work for others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t downsize to a townhouse. Many have over 30 steps. Not good for aging knees.

Only if you are fat. Climbing steps daily has been shown to increase lifespan and mobility

Yes up to a certain point...then you are one slip away from a wheel chair.

+1 this was my MIL's reason for not moving out of her 2 story house, until she fell one too many times, blacked out, finally moved to a bungalow then died within 2 years.

This happened to my mom’s 90 year old neighbor. She slipped coming down the stairs. She lived alone and wasn’t checked on daily. Really horrible. It is very hard for people to downsize past a certain point. It’s overwhelming. Mid-50s to late-60s seem to be the best time or when I’ve actually seen people enjoy downsizing. Change can feel energizing and all the work of moving feels less overwhelming. After mid-70s health issues become more frequent and it becomes harder to work moving around all of that…plus the idea of starting over is less appealing. I’m basing this on what I’m seeing with my family and extended family.

I'm fantasizing about moving out of our two story home in the next few years because I feel like we are upkeeping it for the kids, who are adults and almost launched. DH wants to keep it but he's not the one doing most of the waiting around for cleaners, maintenance or repairmen or running around for parts/supplies. Next year will probably mean replacing the HVAC and an exterior paint job. I wish I could live in a hotel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t downsize to a townhouse. Many have over 30 steps. Not good for aging knees.

Only if you are fat. Climbing steps daily has been shown to increase lifespan and mobility

Yes up to a certain point...then you are one slip away from a wheel chair.

+1 this was my MIL's reason for not moving out of her 2 story house, until she fell one too many times, blacked out, finally moved to a bungalow then died within 2 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t downsize to a townhouse. Many have over 30 steps. Not good for aging knees.

Master suit on ground floor is a must after 60.

lol. My next door neighbor is 94 and lives in a cute tiny cape cod with her bedroom upstairs. She *just* put in a motorized chair to go up and down about 2 months ago when she broke her hip. Before that she was up and down on the regular every day!

My parents are nearing 80 and they live in a house where the garage off the basement and are still fine aging in place and taking the stairs.

60 is way too young to have such bad knees!

Depends on why you have bad knees, pp.

Our house is too large and on multiple levels, so I plan to downsize, preferably to a great lock, and leave a 3-bedroom townhome. I'd happily stay if our home were more reasonably sized and easier to clean and manage. I don't want to live in a big empty house once the kids leave.