Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:57     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
Anonymous wrote:I understand the concern as the parent of a daughter who has zero debt because she chose a public education. Yet, unless finances are completely separate, the money is really coming from the same pot. If he pays directly out of his paychecks, he is depositing less into the pot. If she does, same thing. The pot belongs to both. Is she concerned about the health of the marriage?


It is very important to understand this about money. I don't know why so many are willfully overlooking this. All funds are fungible.

The alternative is some kind of absurdity. Like she has a beach house, but he can't come because he's still paying off his debt and hasn't contributed. He's driving a 1996 Camry, but she has a new BMW. She flies to Nova Scotia to see the total eclipse of the sun while he picks up more shifts. It's a sham marriage if you go this route.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:56     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
Anonymous wrote:I understand the concern as the parent of a daughter who has zero debt because she chose a public education. Yet, unless finances are completely separate, the money is really coming from the same pot. If he pays directly out of his paychecks, he is depositing less into the pot. If she does, same thing. The pot belongs to both. Is she concerned about the health of the marriage?


Even if there’s no concern right now about the health of the marriage, stuff happens over the course of a long marriage. She should definitely protect herself with a post nup.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:55     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
Anonymous wrote:OP, is he asking her to pay off his debts using her pre marital assets? That is an absolute NO in my opinion?

Or is he asking her to pay off the debts at a higher rate now, using her income she is earning now, which is a marital asset? As opposed to just paying what he can afford from his salary while he contributes the same to household expenses etc?

I would not do either without a legal agreement in place confirming that if they get divorced, he owes her this money back with interest.



If you are not confident in your marriage, then why get married or stay married? Leave and find someone you trust fully
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:54     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
Anonymous wrote:She needs to help pay their joint debts out of their combined current / future income. She should not use her premarital savings and assets to pay off his debt in a lump sum without a post-nup.


+1. Also, they should use joint income for down payments, cars, childcare, etc. Not her premarital money.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:53     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It was debt before the marriage? She should let him take care of it himself.


In the meantime she should pay all the bills out of her income and let him focus on his debt? What's the difference? She's no better off.


Use some critical thinking skills here. School loan payments are low, he can pay BOTH the school loans and contribute to the house hold bills too. Good grief! Having to spell this out!


For three years of med school plus undergrad, the payments are only low if they are less than principal, and they'd have to be really dumb to be letting the debt grow rather than paying it down
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:52     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
I understand the concern as the parent of a daughter who has zero debt because she chose a public education. Yet, unless finances are completely separate, the money is really coming from the same pot. If he pays directly out of his paychecks, he is depositing less into the pot. If she does, same thing. The pot belongs to both. Is she concerned about the health of the marriage?
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:51     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are they married? Or are they just roommates who sleep together?


Re-read the title of the post.


I did. OP just seems confused about what "married" means. Could mean anything I guess.


Not really. Is his family poor? Do they have a prenup?
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:49     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
Anonymous wrote:I married a dentist with over a hundred grand in student loan debt and 32 years ago. I had no debt. We worked 6 days a week to pay if off. We're a team.


Same except we’re both lawyers.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:49     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
Fine but also get a post nup
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:48     Subject: Re:Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
There's no point in any further responses, OP hasn't come back and answered any questions.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:47     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
Anonymous wrote:She needs to help pay their joint debts out of their combined current / future income. She should not use her premarital savings and assets to pay off his debt in a lump sum without a post-nup.


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:46     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
all for one, one for all in marriage.....it's the "pressuring" that gives me pause though. Few couples are really good about discussing the financial path forward BEFORE the I do's, let us know how they work this out...
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:46     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It was debt before the marriage? She should let him take care of it himself.


In the meantime she should pay all the bills out of her income and let him focus on his debt? What's the difference? She's no better off.


Use some critical thinking skills here. School loan payments are low, he can pay BOTH the school loans and contribute to the house hold bills too. Good grief! Having to spell this out!
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:41     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
She needs to help pay their joint debts out of their combined current / future income. She should not use her premarital savings and assets to pay off his debt in a lump sum without a post-nup.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2024 14:39     Subject: Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt
This is something that should have been discussed before marriage; they are now a financial unit and need to work together -- unless she thinks he is doing this to get his loans paid off and then plans to divorce her. Did they not talk about this before the wedding?