Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the talking about it that’s a problem. I don’t need to know you flew private and had a private chef and stayed in a mansion- just say you went to Hawaii. All anyone will ask is which island.

We are richer than most, maybe all our friends. I try to downplay our lifestyle. It sometimes doesn’t work. We have a seven figure income, have multiple homes, etc. We have friends who buy blemished cheap groceries or only do free activities for the kids. People will say we live in a mansion or crack rich jokes. I feel like I’m always the one hosting and making plans. I don’t get invited to the casual get togethers.

Are they just superficial friends? I never had a problem having rich friends come over to my humble home. It’s the company not the venue that matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the talking about it that’s a problem. I don’t need to know you flew private and had a private chef and stayed in a mansion- just say you went to Hawaii. All anyone will ask is which island.

Honestly, why is it a problem? I don’t get it. Are people so insecure that they are uncomfortable seeing people spending their money?

Because bragging is uncouth.

But bragging about being cheap and thrifty is cool right?
Hey I drive a 14 yo Honda and buy my clothes at thrift stores. That’s supposed to be cool right?
But, hey I drive a brand new Range Rover and buy my clothes at Chanel. That’s bad right?

Stop the war on the rich.

It is not bragging to be thrifty, it’s helpful

Nobody is as boastful as a thrifter. I get that it helps raise awareness of a great resource (like mentioning your dog is a rescue) but thrifters will make it half their personality.

Anonymous wrote:I would push back against the idea that everyone is jealous. I’m very happy for OP. Go out and get a beautiful Tom Ford bag. I don’t care. Just don’t get 15 new bags every year. That’s what’s killing our planet.

15 new bags a year is a wealthy thing to do. 1 bag a year is easily achievable by someone cutting down a few costs to splurge on a designer bag. Moreover, are you really saying that 15 bags a year is killing our planet? People eat beef, there will be leather as a by product. 15 bags is nowhere close to other environmentally damaging things, like $30 to 45K of clothes from SheIn, AKA a garbage dump of plastic. Given how odd your criticism is, I can't help but think there's some jealousy there.

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love the perspectives that somehow DC is a “showy” city, especially compared to NYC.

DC is probably the least showy (and the fewest as % of population Uber wealthy) major U.S. city. Maybe we surpass Philly and Boston. But Chicago, Houston, Dallas, Miami, LA, NYC, San Francisco? DC doesnt compare in UHNW or in conspicuous consumption. Anyone who says DC is somehow the conspicuous consumption capital of US doesn’t get out much and certainly doesn’t exclusively hangout with top 1% NYC residents, as one PP suggested

If your DC friends are flashy, get new friends.

Honestly, DC really doesn't have as many ultra-wealthy people as Boston, NYC, LA, Dallas, SFO and many other cities. We seem to be the capital of the UMC BigLaw partner, but other than the Danaher founders and the Carlyle founders...we don't have anything close to the P/E, Hedge Fund, VC, Entrepreneur-type wealth. What the most successful BigLaw partners make in a lifetime is a "day's pay" for many of these other folks.

So perhaps it just stands out more if you decide to buy a Bentley or a beachfront house on the Hamptons or own a private jet in the DC area. Considering how every Hamptons R/E transaction seems to be documented...nobody in NYC seems to bat an eye about the latest $50MM - $100MM beachfront estate that someone purchases.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of DCUM posts talk about how it is in poor taste for rich people to flaunt their money on nice houses, trips or the one I read recently, on a bar mitzvah.

We are rich. We try to teach our kids good values and humility. Certainly there are many things that they want that we don’t let them have.

But we have considerable money. We donate generously, volunteer our time generously and try to be good people.

If you aren’t rich, when and on what, in your opinion, is it okay for us to spend commensurately with our means?

what do you consider to be generous?

I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again - if you’re not familiar with the tax code for the rich, it’s easy to be bamboozled by private family foundations that are actually estate tax work arounds. You might see someone giving a bunch of money through a private foundation and think, wow, they are really generous! And it’s possible! But it’s as or perhaps more likely that setting it up was part of someone’s estate plan and now it’s this pot of kind of free money they get to give away however they want. In fact they have to give away a certain amount every year. And it’s really fun thanks to the development industry.

What sort things are you talking about? Like throwing a galas for yourself with foundation fund?
Or that Effective Altruism vacation villa?

Anonymous wrote:People are just jealous, OP. Sounds like you are doing great with teaching, giving back, volunteering.

Of your list, I think the only reason the bar mitzvah was a problem was that one kid was left out. The others who gripe about having a showy party after the service are, again, just jealous.

You can't live your life worried about the people who will criticize no matter what you do.

No, not jealous. Had one as a kid, thought it was tacky. Have money for one as an adult, not doing not. Spending excess money on caring for others.

Put your money to good use, or be tacky and wasteful. It's your life. But don't expect people to love or respect you if you choose to be tacky and classless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of the resentment comes from seeing people who apparently have no other real personality traits or depth of character outside of having money to spend. Particularly in this area, they just have no other things to talk about, other than how they're spending it. Every single activity revolves around something that requires $$$ to even participate in. Maybe it's just an east coast big city thing. I do have some friends that are actually truly wealthy but they're otherwise normal and live beneath their means. A certain depth of character that comes from working in more economically cyclical industries, perhaps. The money/dbag spigot around here is always on full blast though. I'm sure you're a good person OP!

It’s just DC. There are wealthy people in all big cities and in many non urban areas. I am from NYC and at least 90% of my friends are 1%ers. Only in DC enclaves do I see the level of shallowness (and also, classism) where everything is about aggressively spending money and talking about spending money as an end in itself.

My wealthiest NY friends have tons of money in the bank and live nice lives but they talk about ideas. They don’t socialize exclusively around social climbing and showing off.

It’s because DC is the most competitive place on the planet, and if you don’t show off, how will everyone know you “won”? It isn’t about just quietly enjoying your money.

I wonder who you're talking about in DC. Literally no one I know shows off about money, or cares about "winning". Quite the reverse. Those with wealth stay mighty quiet about it.

I've always had the impression that people who wave around visible signs of wealth aren't actually that rich, and come from backgrounds where they've surpassed their wildest expectations and are understandably chuffed; or need to signal, for career purposes, some very specific type of socio-economic belonging. But this is mostly done in a professional enough way that it isn't brazen and grating. Or maybe you're only metting the losers who aren't doing it right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this really a complaint? Do you really want us to feel for you?

Rich people are so pathetic. It’s not enough that they’re rich, they also want to be loved.

Everyone needs to be loved. Not necessarily for what's in their investment accounts.

Duh, it’s obvious the PP meant they want to be adulated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of DCUM posts talk about how it is in poor taste for rich people to flaunt their money on nice houses, trips or the one I read recently, on a bar mitzvah.

We are rich. We try to teach our kids good values and humility. Certainly there are many things that they want that we don’t let them have.

But we have considerable money. We donate generously, volunteer our time generously and try to be good people.

If you aren’t rich, when and on what, in your opinion, is it okay for us to spend commensurately with our means?

Did I hear you say you were rich?

LOL!

OP, we can be friends. I'll be really nice to you and tell you how great you are. I'd be so impressed with your richness. Or at least pretend to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't show too much on social media.

We are wealthy and are not on social media.
When asked questions about where we go or what we do, we answer.
But most of the time, our expenditure is not visible. It doesn't come in the form of particularly showy cars or expansive property, which is what most people notice.

Not only that, but research and statistics show that most truly wealthy people don’t actually spend it on those things. Those are “big hat, no cattle” things.

Most is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.

MOST wealthy people don’t spend it on those things. BUT, most of the people who have those things are very wealthy - choosing not to spend money that way doesn’t make you look wealthy and owning those things doesn’t make you look not wealthy.

Gotta love the perspectives that somehow DC is a “showy” city, especially compared to NYC.

DC is probably the least showy (and the fewest as % of population Uber wealthy) major U.S. city. Maybe we surpass Philly and Boston. But Chicago, Houston, Dallas, Miami, LA, NYC, San Francisco? DC doesnt compare in UHNW or in conspicuous consumption. Anyone who says DC is somehow the conspicuous consumption capital of US doesn’t get out much and certainly doesn’t exclusively hangout with top 1% NYC residents, as one PP suggested

If your DC friends are flashy, get new friends.

Anonymous wrote:Is this really a complaint? Do you really want us to feel for you?

Rich people are so pathetic. It’s not enough that they’re rich, they also want to be loved.

Everyone needs to be loved. Not necessarily for what's in their investment accounts.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of DCUM posts talk about how it is in poor taste for rich people to flaunt their money on nice houses, trips or the one I read recently, on a bar mitzvah.

We are rich. We try to teach our kids good values and humility. Certainly there are many things that they want that we don’t let them have.

But we have considerable money. We donate generously, volunteer our time generously and try to be good people.

If you aren’t rich, when and on what, in your opinion, is it okay for us to spend commensurately with our means?

Did I hear you say you were rich?

Anonymous wrote:I would push back against the idea that everyone is jealous. I’m very happy for OP. Go out and get a beautiful Tom Ford bag. I don’t care. Just don’t get 15 new bags every year. That’s what’s killing our planet.

+1. In the words of Don Draper, “I don’t think about you at all.” And because I couldn’t care less about luxury items, I wouldn’t know to be impressed anyway.