Anonymous
Post 04/15/2024 18:21     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
Anonymous wrote:OP I get it.

You should not have gone. And you made a scene.

Not like the Flu is not highly contagious.



People like her should never skip the flu vaccine. If her child got the flu he would have a legitimate case to reschedule. He’s been studying for one exam for a month. If he hasn’t learned the material by now there’s no hope.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2024 12:46     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She left the sick kid out of the party, so no germs were present inside the party, and you wanted an elderly disabled man to come to you?
YIKES even if you apologized I'd be really angry at you.


NP. "No germs were present at the party"? You don't understand how viruses spread. OP was right to assume it was likely that the parents of a kid with flu might themselves be already infected with flu at that party and just not symptomatic yet. This is exactly how illness spreads.

OP, while, yes, you should not have asked for the cake to be cut outside etc , the bigger issue is you shouldn't have been there at all, and the biggest issue is not SIL (who is being a bratty baby now after you rightly and clearly apologized). The biggest issue is DH pressuring you to come over at all. For an adult birthday party, FFS. One for which you and he had already made a different arrangement. You and he need to talk about why he even asked. Is he a "But it's faaamilllyyy" person? Do his relatives expect you both at every single event? If so, time to discuss how a good plan ended up going so wrong. BTW, I hope your kid stayed healthy and did well on that exam!


+1. SIL needs to grow up. Her reaction is what caused a scene, not you checking to see if the cake could be cut outside unless blatantly obviuos physical mobility limitations (full body cast) FFS.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2024 15:56     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How old is this woman? If she has a child she’s old enough to not need to be a birthday princess and have every single person present to watch her blow out candles. Not saying OP did things perfectly but SIL sounds exhausting.

Also, I’m not a germaphobe and would probably go anyway, but at probably at least one person from that family was contagious with the flu at the party.


On the flip side, the event was a birthday party and OP "attended." If someone came to my birthday party I would assume they wanted to be there for the singing/cake, even if they wanted to sit outside for most of it. Otherwise, why did OP attend at all - she didn't interact with other attendees or even eat dinner with the rest of the family. The only reason I would think she came was for that one face time/ family picture moment, so I don't think letting her know "it's cake o'clock" is necessarily attention seeking.


Well here's a good lesson learned for readers here, most adults think really indulgent birthday parties for other adults are kind of silly. I would happily go celebrate someone's birthday, and if I happened to be there during the singing I would sing, and if I missed it it I would quietly say a little thanks to the universe for sparing me.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2024 15:53     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
I feel like everyone sucks here.

You suck because yes trying to move the whole party outside is ridiculous but also...

DH sucks because he weirdly insisted you come after he already showed up alone but that leads me to believe that...

SIL sucks because a) they must have thrown a stink when DH showed up alone that got him to ask you to come and b) why make you come inside for the cake cutting when you're clearly uncomfortable and it would have (I assume) been fine for you to miss the ceremonial cake cutting of a grown adult's birthday cake.

Honestly I think you were probably being a bit much but getting the flu SUCKS and I could very well see deciding not to attend a similar event for that reason and I am NOT a dramatic germ avoider or anything (not that that is terrible just saying I think of myself as fairly loosey goosey)
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2024 23:50     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
I work in an office where the flu spreads like wildfire every single year. People drop like flies when the wave hits. Having the flu is horrific and takes awhile to recover from.

And even though your SIL said it was the flu, she may have been wrong and it could’ve been Covid, or a combo. SIL probably just threw something out there. Regardless, she should’ve canceled her bday shindig and stayed home with her sick child. It’s terrible for her to possibly be a vector at her own party and spread nasty germs, especially with elderly people in attendance. Sounds like a selfish woman.

OP I don’t think you did anything wrong, and you were definitely in the right to not want to go in the first place. I for sure would’ve stayed home with my child and just called SIL to FaceTime and say Happy Birthday earlier in the day before the party. You don’t owe her anything, and your family’s health and well being is far more important than her grown ass bday party.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2024 15:51     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
Anonymous wrote:SIL is visiting from out of town and it was her birthday this week. She requested the family to come together to celebrate her birthday so BIL hosted. One of her children got diagnosed with the flu the day before. SIL made the decision to move forward with celebrating her birthday while her husband and child stayed back at my in-laws.

One of my children is having a midterm makeup exam this week and has been preparing for the exam for the past month. The exam is very important to his GPA and I did not want to risk getting him sick. I decided not to come to the party which DH was fine with initially. DH assured me that he would wear a mask while indoors since there is a risk of SIL, MIL, FIL and her other children being contagious and not knowing it.

When DH arrives at the party he informs me that there is a patio that I can hang out at. DH was insistent that I come to the party since the entire family was there. I go to the party and hang out at the patio. They were just about to cut the cake and SIL requested that I come inside. I made a request to see if we can cut the cake outside. BIL's wife was fine with moving outside but then SIL said that it would not be possible since FIL has mobility issues and cannot come outside. I then made a poor decision which I completely own up to and replied with a comment of why he can't just come outside. SIL then got very upset at me and told me that it was safe to come inside since her sick child was at home and that she would never throw a party if she felt she put other lives at risk. I did not respond to her and just left the party with my child

I realized that I made a mistake by requesting that the cake be cut outside and could have been perceived as having an attitude when SIL said no. I apologized via text the next day and truly meant it. I even let her know that my actions are my fault alone and DH or the kids have nothing to do with this and that they really want to hang out with her before she leaves and can do so without me if she is still upset.

She refuses to talk to DH and refuses to allow our children to see each other. Her son has now recovered. Is SIL overreacting?? Will time heal this rift?

I feel awful for the request I made at the party and for my reaction when SIL refused to cut the cake outside.


Is your sister Claudia Maloney? This sounds like Lawler family drama.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2024 17:42     Subject: Re:SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
Your mistake was letting your dumb*ss DH insist that you go to the party. You shouldn’t have gone. Stop letting people step all over you OP. You have nothing to feel bad about or apologize for. Your DH and his family sound like aholes.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2024 17:39     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
I take it this happened fairly recently. In the DC area? OP may have been fine hanging on the patio, but wasn't it kind of cold and wet? I wouldn't want to be serving cake outside especially to a disabled parent.

For all those saying SIL was demanding everyone come help her with the cake etc., maybe it was a simple "I feel badly you are out on the cold patio by yourself, are you sure you don't want to come inside at least for the cake" kind of request. I'm making a few assumptions I know but who knows how it went down?

Also I hope OP's kid did OK on the test, but if it were my kid, he might feel a whole bunch of pressure heaped on him if everyone went to these lengths to keep him germ free. It may be "healthier" to keep things a little lower key. He could pick up the flu anywhere.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2024 17:18     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Flu is less likely to be spread via aerosol anyway. Being inside for singing happy birthday is not likely to give you the flu, if SIL were pre-symptomatic. But eating a piece of cake she just touched could def give you the flu. It's not COVID. It spreads differently.


It spreads predominantly by aerosol. Influenza isn’t a stomach bug.


Then nobody in OPs family should have gone. Not the husband and not the other kid and definitely not op in her mask yelling out orders from the patio. Otherwise is theater.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2024 14:07     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Flu is less likely to be spread via aerosol anyway. Being inside for singing happy birthday is not likely to give you the flu, if SIL were pre-symptomatic. But eating a piece of cake she just touched could def give you the flu. It's not COVID. It spreads differently.


It spreads predominantly by aerosol. Influenza isn’t a stomach bug.


Yep.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3682679/
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2024 13:56     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
Anonymous wrote:Flu is less likely to be spread via aerosol anyway. Being inside for singing happy birthday is not likely to give you the flu, if SIL were pre-symptomatic. But eating a piece of cake she just touched could def give you the flu. It's not COVID. It spreads differently.


It spreads predominantly by aerosol. Influenza isn’t a stomach bug.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2024 13:53     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
Anonymous wrote:Who hosts a party with flu in the house? What an a-hole.


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2024 13:52     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
Anonymous wrote:She left the sick kid out of the party, so no germs were present inside the party, and you wanted an elderly disabled man to come to you?
YIKES even if you apologized I'd be really angry at you.


NP. "No germs were present at the party"? You don't understand how viruses spread. OP was right to assume it was likely that the parents of a kid with flu might themselves be already infected with flu at that party and just not symptomatic yet. This is exactly how illness spreads.

OP, while, yes, you should not have asked for the cake to be cut outside etc , the bigger issue is you shouldn't have been there at all, and the biggest issue is not SIL (who is being a bratty baby now after you rightly and clearly apologized). The biggest issue is DH pressuring you to come over at all. For an adult birthday party, FFS. One for which you and he had already made a different arrangement. You and he need to talk about why he even asked. Is he a "But it's faaamilllyyy" person? Do his relatives expect you both at every single event? If so, time to discuss how a good plan ended up going so wrong. BTW, I hope your kid stayed healthy and did well on that exam!
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2024 12:20     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
OP, you are a drama queen. Why did you even come to the party? Me-me-me. So selfish.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2024 11:13     Subject: SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?
Flu is less likely to be spread via aerosol anyway. Being inside for singing happy birthday is not likely to give you the flu, if SIL were pre-symptomatic. But eating a piece of cake she just touched could def give you the flu. It's not COVID. It spreads differently.