Anonymous wrote:

We let our friends and family use our beach home. We don't let friends of friends or acquaintances and we don't rent it out. We never asked for payment or for them to pay cleaning fees, but early on people offered to pay for the cleaners and now everyone does.

This is what we do. We also let family use it without us, although with some family members we have had to revoke this privilege.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is totally unreasonable for them to ask. If I regularly give a person a ride in my car then I have plans to go out of town for a couple of weeks , it isn’t reasonable the person asks to borrow my car. They can go get a rental car.

Your house is an asset and you can rent it for probably $1000 for a spring weekend. Friends wouldn’t ask for a $1000 so why do they think it is ok to use something worth $1000.

It is a slippery slope. Once you say yes these friends will continue to pester you. Just say it is being rented off the books 📚 n case they can see the online schedule of when it is rented through a booking agency.

this is really good advice, thank you.
I think some ppl just assume being someone has a second home, they can afford that 1000 hit. These ppl know us well enough to know we cannot. Although we enjoy it, often with them, it is a business, and someone must pay the utilities, cable, internet, etc.
I suppose that's why it feels funny to us.
It could also be booked at the last minute, and has before.

Actually, it's not good advice to lie to your friends...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ppl aren’t understanding the question I originally asked.
Why does this feel odd to me?! Like we’re being asked to give them something that has monetary value. I would never ask this of someone. I don’t know why. We’re pretty good friends.

POTENTIAL monetary value. It may get booked at the last minute or it may not. If you need the money then just say that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a condo in NYC. We don't allow anyone outside the family to stay there. If you're not blood, married in, or adopted in, you can't stay.

+1. Same. People generally do not treat your house the way you would treat it. I have only let one small group stay at one of our other homes, and that was at the height of covid, and I knew all of the members of the group well, and for many years. They gave a super generous thank you gift for the house, which we would never have bought on our own - they were truly grateful.

People who feel entitled? No way. Plus, people generally have zero idea what it takes to maintain a non-primary home, and the expenses involved - which is exacerbated if something breaks, etc. There are cleaning fees, caretaker fees, upkeep fees, etc. People have asked to bring their dog! It is easier to just shut it down early, instead of having to revisit the question. If you want to invite them to visit while you are there, that is different. We generally don't do that, because we want to see our friends and family from home (where it is located) and catch up.

No one has rights to your place, OP.

They've got strangers from the internet staying there every week!

Yeah, this is what I find strange. We don't rent our place to strangers but do let friends stay. They offer to pay for cleaning so we tell them what it costs (same as it is before we use it). I've also let people stay there who didn't offer to pay, which isn't something I'd do a lot of, but since we can afford a second home, we can afford to be gracious as well.

We let our friends and family use our beach home. We don't let friends of friends or acquaintances and we don't rent it out. We never asked for payment or for them to pay cleaning fees, but early on people offered to pay for the cleaners and now everyone does.

Anonymous wrote:Wait they are offering to pay and you still say no? And they are friends? That’s kinda jerky, OP, but you can do whatever you want—it’s your place.

Anonymous wrote:It is not odd.

We have several properties in Aspen, Hamptons, SF, and NYC. Our primary is MD.

Hard no for friends without us. Not friends and not siblings, or cousins etc no one.

The only time I let someone do this was after a loss of a child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you had planned to go with them and then backed out, but they still want to go- I’d let them. You already invited them there for the weekend, the gracious thing would be to tell them they should definitely go without you when you call them to say you can’t make it anymore

We were all planning on going two weeks ago and none of us could go because there was a raging blizzard going on.

Now, they wanna go this weekend and we are out of town/state.

In the past when they have gone with you have they offered to pay rent or contribute to the cost of the cleaning?

Anonymous wrote:I think ppl aren’t understanding the question I originally asked.
Why does this feel odd to me?! Like we’re being asked to give them something that has monetary value. I would never ask this of someone. I don’t know why. We’re pretty good friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is totally unreasonable for them to ask. If I regularly give a person a ride in my car then I have plans to go out of town for a couple of weeks , it isn’t reasonable the person asks to borrow my car. They can go get a rental car.

Your house is an asset and you can rent it for probably $1000 for a spring weekend. Friends wouldn’t ask for a $1000 so why do they think it is ok to use something worth $1000.

It is a slippery slope. Once you say yes these friends will continue to pester you. Just say it is being rented off the books 📚 n case they can see the online schedule of when it is rented through a booking agency.

this is really good advice, thank you.
I think some ppl just assume being someone has a second home, they can afford that 1000 hit. These ppl know us well enough to know we cannot. Although we enjoy it, often with them, it is a business, and someone must pay the utilities, cable, internet, etc.
I suppose that's why it feels funny to us.
It could also be booked at the last minute, and has before.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you had planned to go with them and then backed out, but they still want to go- I’d let them. You already invited them there for the weekend, the gracious thing would be to tell them they should definitely go without you when you call them to say you can’t make it anymore

We were all planning on going two weeks ago and none of us could go because there was a raging blizzard going on.

Now, they wanna go this weekend and we are out of town/state.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a condo in NYC. We don't allow anyone outside the family to stay there. If you're not blood, married in, or adopted in, you can't stay.

+1. Same. People generally do not treat your house the way you would treat it. I have only let one small group stay at one of our other homes, and that was at the height of covid, and I knew all of the members of the group well, and for many years. They gave a super generous thank you gift for the house, which we would never have bought on our own - they were truly grateful.

People who feel entitled? No way. Plus, people generally have zero idea what it takes to maintain a non-primary home, and the expenses involved - which is exacerbated if something breaks, etc. There are cleaning fees, caretaker fees, upkeep fees, etc. People have asked to bring their dog! It is easier to just shut it down early, instead of having to revisit the question. If you want to invite them to visit while you are there, that is different. We generally don't do that, because we want to see our friends and family from home (where it is located) and catch up.

No one has rights to your place, OP.

They've got strangers from the internet staying there every week!