Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It'll happen. You train your kid and really can't account for what other people will do. You won't be able to control everything.
You train your kid that they can’t trust their own parent?
You teach your kid that anyone can make mistakes so they always have to double check.
This is not hard. You guys need to grow up.
This. The kid wears a seatbelt in the car even if the parent is a safe driver right? Because accidents happen?
Excellent analogy.
OP, how did you leap from an accident re: once a year holiday candy to "meals are unsafe?"
You need CBT to manage your anxiety and not conflate.
As a parent of a kid with allergies to 6 of the top 8 foods, I get it is stressful. I'm divorced from someone I have safety concerns about, I get that too. But you need to be able to distinguish an accident that is isolated from ongoing patterns and not come across as hysterically conflating the 2. FC is not your friend and at the level of conflict that 3rd party coordinators suggests, all you can do is manage yourself. Once the FC vendors have their hooks in they will be happy to drain you both dry financially. You need to not play into that, it's not in your kids' interests. Managing anxiety is key, a low dose med might be helpful while you access the CBT techniques.
Re: ex, I found the free NAMI family to family course helpful, perhaps you may, too.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ok, you haven’t said what your kid’s allergens are, unless I missed it. I’m going to assume they’re tree nuts and peanuts, given the Easter egg context. I’m also going to assume it was a chocolate bunny given the foil wrapped comment you made.
First thing you should teach your kid with nut allergies is to NEVER accept/eat chocolate that isn’t labeled with ingredients. Doesn’t matter if a parent gives it to them or not. No ingredients to read= hard pass. I know it’s hard/sad to see them unable to enjoy like other kids, but I’ve always taught my 14 year old son with nut allergies that no brownie or chocolate is worth having a reaction and that we will get a safe treat later.
It sounds like your kid knew that and refused, so good for her. She carries two epis all the time- good for her.
You know your ex best, but with nut allergies, sweets are really hard, so I wouldn’t necessarily extrapolate that a slip up with chocolate means all food your ex provides is now suspect. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to ever be 100% safe from allergens. There are always food recalls stating undeclared allergens found, etc.
This was the safe treat mom gave her after and she trusted mom when it came to the replacement safe treat and didn't catch it. OP did as he recognized it and stopped her from eating it. Had daughter not called him then, she would have eaten it and more than likely had a reaction. While most on here say who cares - her problem. Some of us can understand (as an adult who had allergies as a child and a mother I couldn't trust to not give me nuts) how this makes daughter feel.
Anonymous wrote:Ok, you haven’t said what your kid’s allergens are, unless I missed it. I’m going to assume they’re tree nuts and peanuts, given the Easter egg context. I’m also going to assume it was a chocolate bunny given the foil wrapped comment you made.
First thing you should teach your kid with nut allergies is to NEVER accept/eat chocolate that isn’t labeled with ingredients. Doesn’t matter if a parent gives it to them or not. No ingredients to read= hard pass. I know it’s hard/sad to see them unable to enjoy like other kids, but I’ve always taught my 14 year old son with nut allergies that no brownie or chocolate is worth having a reaction and that we will get a safe treat later.
It sounds like your kid knew that and refused, so good for her. She carries two epis all the time- good for her.
You know your ex best, but with nut allergies, sweets are really hard, so I wouldn’t necessarily extrapolate that a slip up with chocolate means all food your ex provides is now suspect. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to ever be 100% safe from allergens. There are always food recalls stating undeclared allergens found, etc.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It'll happen. You train your kid and really can't account for what other people will do. You won't be able to control everything.
You train your kid that they can’t trust their own parent?
You teach your kid that anyone can make mistakes so they always have to double check.
This is not hard. You guys need to grow up.
This. The kid wears a seatbelt in the car even if the parent is a safe driver right? Because accidents happen?
Excellent analogy.
OP, how did you leap from an accident re: once a year holiday candy to "meals are unsafe?"
You need CBT to manage your anxiety and not conflate.
As a parent of a kid with allergies to 6 of the top 8 foods, I get it is stressful. I'm divorced from someone I have safety concerns about, I get that too. But you need to be able to distinguish an accident that is isolated from ongoing patterns and not come across as hysterically conflating the 2. FC is not your friend and at the level of conflict that 3rd party coordinators suggests, all you can do is manage yourself. Once the FC vendors have their hooks in they will be happy to drain you both dry financially. You need to not play into that, it's not in your kids' interests. Managing anxiety is key, a low dose med might be helpful while you access the CBT techniques.
Re: ex, I found the free NAMI family to family course helpful, perhaps you may, too.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ok, you haven’t said what your kid’s allergens are, unless I missed it. I’m going to assume they’re tree nuts and peanuts, given the Easter egg context. I’m also going to assume it was a chocolate bunny given the foil wrapped comment you made.
First thing you should teach your kid with nut allergies is to NEVER accept/eat chocolate that isn’t labeled with ingredients. Doesn’t matter if a parent gives it to them or not. No ingredients to read= hard pass. I know it’s hard/sad to see them unable to enjoy like other kids, but I’ve always taught my 14 year old son with nut allergies that no brownie or chocolate is worth having a reaction and that we will get a safe treat later.
It sounds like your kid knew that and refused, so good for her. She carries two epis all the time- good for her.
You know your ex best, but with nut allergies, sweets are really hard, so I wouldn’t necessarily extrapolate that a slip up with chocolate means all food your ex provides is now suspect. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to ever be 100% safe from allergens. There are always food recalls stating undeclared allergens found, etc.
Yes, treenut and peanut allergies.
I want to be clear on what you are saying. If your kid was at an Easter egg hunt, and didn’t eat anything because they know chocolate is unsafe, and then when they got home you gave them a replacement treat which was small wrapped candies you had taken out of a bag, or brownies you had baked, they wouldn’t eat them?
This was the safe treat later.
She didn’t eat it because she was still eating the jelly beans she had gotten. It was luck.
Anonymous wrote:No one has said anything other than vague “teach her to be safe”. No one can tell me that magic thing to teach her that isn’t interfering with her mom’s parenting time, that will keep her safe.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You are trying to turn this into a reason to get full custody, but this by itself is not going to do it. Document and move on.
Nope, not at all. I am trying to figure out how to keep her safe.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ok, you haven’t said what your kid’s allergens are, unless I missed it. I’m going to assume they’re tree nuts and peanuts, given the Easter egg context. I’m also going to assume it was a chocolate bunny given the foil wrapped comment you made.
First thing you should teach your kid with nut allergies is to NEVER accept/eat chocolate that isn’t labeled with ingredients. Doesn’t matter if a parent gives it to them or not. No ingredients to read= hard pass. I know it’s hard/sad to see them unable to enjoy like other kids, but I’ve always taught my 14 year old son with nut allergies that no brownie or chocolate is worth having a reaction and that we will get a safe treat later.
It sounds like your kid knew that and refused, so good for her. She carries two epis all the time- good for her.
You know your ex best, but with nut allergies, sweets are really hard, so I wouldn’t necessarily extrapolate that a slip up with chocolate means all food your ex provides is now suspect. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to ever be 100% safe from allergens. There are always food recalls stating undeclared allergens found, etc.
Yes, treenut and peanut allergies.
I want to be clear on what you are saying. If your kid was at an Easter egg hunt, and didn’t eat anything because they know chocolate is unsafe, and then when they got home you gave them a replacement treat which was small wrapped candies you had taken out of a bag, or brownies you had baked, they wouldn’t eat them?
This was the safe treat later.
She didn’t eat it because she was still eating the jelly beans she had gotten. It was luck.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It'll happen. You train your kid and really can't account for what other people will do. You won't be able to control everything.
You train your kid that they can’t trust their own parent?
You teach your kid that anyone can make mistakes so they always have to double check.
This is not hard. You guys need to grow up.
This. The kid wears a seatbelt in the car even if the parent is a safe driver right? Because accidents happen?
Anonymous wrote:Ok, you haven’t said what your kid’s allergens are, unless I missed it. I’m going to assume they’re tree nuts and peanuts, given the Easter egg context. I’m also going to assume it was a chocolate bunny given the foil wrapped comment you made.
First thing you should teach your kid with nut allergies is to NEVER accept/eat chocolate that isn’t labeled with ingredients. Doesn’t matter if a parent gives it to them or not. No ingredients to read= hard pass. I know it’s hard/sad to see them unable to enjoy like other kids, but I’ve always taught my 14 year old son with nut allergies that no brownie or chocolate is worth having a reaction and that we will get a safe treat later.
It sounds like your kid knew that and refused, so good for her. She carries two epis all the time- good for her.
You know your ex best, but with nut allergies, sweets are really hard, so I wouldn’t necessarily extrapolate that a slip up with chocolate means all food your ex provides is now suspect. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to ever be 100% safe from allergens. There are always food recalls stating undeclared allergens found, etc.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No one has said anything other than vague “teach her to be safe”. No one can tell me that magic thing to teach her that isn’t interfering with her mom’s parenting time, that will keep her safe.
“Food is safe at mom’s honey- mom had done a great job managing your allergy. This was a mistake and won’t happen again/ mom and dad shouldn’t have involved you sweetie, this was a learning experience for us all”
You’re not a victim here OP. It’s an accident.
The only way I involved her was to tell her not to eat the candy, and listening to her when she said she was scared. Are you saying I shouldn't have done that? I should have let her eat it?
And no, if someone has stopped reading labels, that's not a mistake. That's a decision to stop doing what you were previously doing. I have no way of knowing that the food at her mom's is safe. So, no, I'm not going to say that.
Anonymous wrote:No one has said anything other than vague “teach her to be safe”. No one can tell me that magic thing to teach her that isn’t interfering with her mom’s parenting time, that will keep her safe.