Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally financial and legal. When women can work and don’t need men to provide for them, there’s zero reason to entangle yourself with legal marriage. I can see myself in a long-term partnership, but I would never enter into a legal arrangement that gives a man a right to my pension, 401k and other assets. I suppose you can write up a pre-nup to take care of those things but I’m really not interested in fighting off the law in that way. Live together, maybe even purchase a home together? Sure. Beyond that, no.

I wonder how much assets people have to think that way. I’ll have over $5mm by 50. Still would remarry with prenup, it’s not that difficult or expensive to draft. Kids inheritances, alimony, pensions - all this can be easily addressed there

I'm 44 with about a 2.5 mil net worth and won't marry again because I don't want anyone to have an avenue to fight my kids for money. You can put all the paperwork you want into place, but it doesn't stop someone from bringing a lawsuit anyway. I want my kids to spend my money on fun and their own families, not on lawyers fighting some new husband I married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I see so many posts from people who are considering divorce or divorced and say they have no expectations of remarriage and neither should anyone else considering divorce. Is that because their experience was so terrible that they are skeptical a new experience will be different? Or because marriage for them was always just about kids and pointless if kids aren't involved? Or because they don't want to be on the hook for taking care of a new older person? Or because they dont think anyone worthwhile will want to marry a 40/50/60/70 something man/ woman etc? or other.

The reason is they are contemplating, starting the process, in the process or just a year or two out from divorce.


The reality is 95% of those people who proclaim this will in fact remarry. They realize that once there is more distance from the divorce that they want to be married.

No, remarriage rates are not close to 95%. It’s less than 1/3 for women in their mid-40s/50s.

https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/westrick-payne-remarriage-rate-2021-fp-23-19.html#:~:text=The%20highest%20remarriage%20rates%20were,females%20per%201%2C000%20previously%20married).

What? No - that is saying women 45-54 had a remarriage rate of 30.3 in 2021. This means that out of 1000 of single, previously married women aged 45-54, 30.3 got remarried in 2021. It's not a cumulative percentage.

For example, here is a cumulative percentage using data from 2013: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2014/11/14/chapter-2-the-demographics-of-remarriage/. 62% of women (and 64% of men) aged 45-54 who were ever married had remarried. This jumps to 71% of men in the 55-64 category (reflecting that it takes time to find a new partner, even if you want to remarry), with women at 63%. For 65 and older, the percentage dips again for both men and women (more widows/widowers entering the pool without same level of remarriage) but with a big gap with more men remarrying. The data isn't broken down to say (for example) what percentage of women who divorced between the ages of 35-44 had remarried by the time they were 55-64.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally financial and legal. When women can work and don’t need men to provide for them, there’s zero reason to entangle yourself with legal marriage. I can see myself in a long-term partnership, but I would never enter into a legal arrangement that gives a man a right to my pension, 401k and other assets. I suppose you can write up a pre-nup to take care of those things but I’m really not interested in fighting off the law in that way. Live together, maybe even purchase a home together? Sure. Beyond that, no.

I wonder how much assets people have to think that way. I’ll have over $5mm by 50. Still would remarry with prenup, it’s not that difficult or expensive to draft. Kids inheritances, alimony, pensions - all this can be easily addressed there

Anonymous wrote:What I see is this among friends is this: most independently wealthy women have zero reason to remarry and rarely do. They know they won’t get a caregiver if they remarry a man their own age, and more often than not the man just wants a caregiver. Helping their own children is their highest priority, and that includes preserving their financial assets to help their kids. These women are usually in good shape and attractive, and get a lot of suitors, but at most engage in long-term companionship relationships. They have no need for marriage and will never remarry.

Women who are divorced but left with fewer financial assets are conversely very interested in re-marrying. They need the financial security and are willing to be a caregiver to a wealthier man in exchange for that financial security. This group is often laser-focused on remarrying. DCUM skews wealthy so you don’t see this group as represented here, but they are a large group.

For men, it depends on how much caregiving and support they want and need, across the wealth spectrum. I’ve seen very wealthy men dive almost immediately into second marriages without even pre-nups because they cannot manage daily life without a caregiver wife. Preservation of wealth for their children isn’t as important to this group. For men, wealth is a secondary consideration to the larger question of how much caregiving they need and want, so the men don’t divide as much between independently wealthy and not the way women do. It’s more a question of how much caregiving they want regardless of wealth.

So in short the dividing factors in whether a divorced person is interested in remarrying are generally different between men and women. For women, the main factor is how independently wealthy they are. For men, the main factor is how independently competent they are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I see so many posts from people who are considering divorce or divorced and say they have no expectations of remarriage and neither should anyone else considering divorce. Is that because their experience was so terrible that they are skeptical a new experience will be different? Or because marriage for them was always just about kids and pointless if kids aren't involved? Or because they don't want to be on the hook for taking care of a new older person? Or because they dont think anyone worthwhile will want to marry a 40/50/60/70 something man/ woman etc? or other.

The reason is they are contemplating, starting the process, in the process or just a year or two out from divorce.


The reality is 95% of those people who proclaim this will in fact remarry. They realize that once there is more distance from the divorce that they want to be married.

No, remarriage rates are not close to 95%. It’s less than 1/3 for women in their mid-40s/50s.

https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/westrick-payne-remarriage-rate-2021-fp-23-19.html#:~:text=The%20highest%20remarriage%20rates%20were,females%20per%201%2C000%20previously%20married).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading this forum for the past several years is all the convincing I need to never get married again. It would have to be a really exceptional woman. The older married women on this board seem to be angry, bitter, and hateful towards their husbands. I don't need that.

It's not that they're angry/bitter/hateful, it's that most women (yes, I know there are exceptions) carry a heavier burden in marriage (childcare, cooking, cleaning, household management, etc.) than men and are not in a hurry to repeat the experience with another man, especially if the women are financially independent. Why remarry at all, especially if you're middle age or older? You can always live with someone or have a longterm relationship where you both remain in your own homes but spend your free time together.

Plus, if the man has grown kids they will likely not accept you. If the man has been married before, there is an ex wife to contend with, even if the kids are grown. The ex wife will be getting part of his money, and who needs that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading this forum for the past several years is all the convincing I need to never get married again. It would have to be a really exceptional woman. The older married women on this board seem to be angry, bitter, and hateful towards their husbands. I don't need that.

It's not that they're angry/bitter/hateful, it's that most women (yes, I know there are exceptions) carry a heavier burden in marriage (childcare, cooking, cleaning, household management, etc.) than men and are not in a hurry to repeat the experience with another man, especially if the women are financially independent. Why remarry at all, especially if you're middle age or older? You can always live with someone or have a longterm relationship where you both remain in your own homes but spend your free time together.

Anonymous wrote:Reading this forum for the past several years is all the convincing I need to never get married again. It would have to be a really exceptional woman. The older married women on this board seem to be angry, bitter, and hateful towards their husbands. I don't need that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I see so many posts from people who are considering divorce or divorced and say they have no expectations of remarriage and neither should anyone else considering divorce. Is that because their experience was so terrible that they are skeptical a new experience will be different? Or because marriage for them was always just about kids and pointless if kids aren't involved? Or because they don't want to be on the hook for taking care of a new older person? Or because they dont think anyone worthwhile will want to marry a 40/50/60/70 something man/ woman etc? or other.

The reason is they are contemplating, starting the process, in the process or just a year or two out from divorce.


The reality is 95% of those people who proclaim this will in fact remarry. They realize that once there is more distance from the divorce that they want to be married.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I see so many posts from people who are considering divorce or divorced and say they have no expectations of remarriage and neither should anyone else considering divorce. Is that because their experience was so terrible that they are skeptical a new experience will be different? Or because marriage for them was always just about kids and pointless if kids aren't involved? Or because they don't want to be on the hook for taking care of a new older person? Or because they dont think anyone worthwhile will want to marry a 40/50/60/70 something man/ woman etc? or other.